Jesus

What you say when you see something awesome or unbelievable, or when something really bad or stupid happens to you. Also the name of your landscaper or gardener if you pronounce the "J" as an "H."

"Jesus that girl's tits are huge!"

"Jesus, that dumb bitch just about wrecked!"
"Jesus, please trim the hedges when you are done edging the flower bed."

by fhkq October 6, 2018

Jesus Tree

Cross that can be used for crucifixions.

I'll put you on a Jesus Tree.

by PetePimp July 24, 2006

Jesus Nikes

Another term for sandals.

Hey man, its so nice out I think I'm going to wear my Jesus Nikes.

by Bapeeee April 15, 2009

Dark Jesus

Dark Jesus, also referred to as DJ is the absolute equal and opposite of Jesus. No not the Anti-Christ, the Anti-Matter Christ. He is composed entirely of anti-matter and where Jesus' energy comes from light energy (God), giving him the ability to control matter. DJ's comes from dark energy (also God but from the perspective of the anti matter dimension) and he has the ability to control dark matter.

If you follow DJ then your soul will transcend matter and go to anti-matter heaven.

Man, I was trippin and I swear I just met our Lord, Dark Jesus.

by One of many disciples July 31, 2019

Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Commonly found amongst Wattpad Fanfiction short stories-

I was resting in my bed, reading a Wattpad Cole Sprose fanfiction when suddenly Cole appears in the doorway!
I smile but my expression quickly changes as he grabs me and pushes me up against the wall.
He whispers softly in my ear, and I can feel his hot breath on my neck, “Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?”
“Amen.” I whisper back.
Suddenly, I am rudely awoken by my alarm clock and I cry as I realize I’ll never be able to talk to Cole about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

by MondayHatesYouToo September 23, 2020

Purple Jesus

The ultimate party juice! Fill a bathtub(preferably a clean one) with grape kool-aid, quartered citrus fruit, Everclear(or another high proof grain alcohol)and ice. Let it sit for a few hours then party on! The best part is eating the fruit towards the end of the party! Enjoy!

My folks are out of town for the weekend, call the gang and mix up the Purple Jesus!!

by Incog Neato July 15, 2004

Jesus Hot

A time when it is so hot outside that even Jesus Christ would complain about the heat.
See also: Jesus Hot, Jesus Cold, Jesus Lot, Jesus Sweet, Jesus Late, and Jesus Early

It was so Jesus Hot outside that the entire world was on fire and the only (relativly) cool place was inside the oven with it set to 500 degrees CELCIUS!!!!!

by not_michael October 11, 2004