When you are second in command to a legend who is the Captain but who very quickly realises that the first officer has total control
by J_gogo September 19, 2020
Get the first officermug. by Ah Real Monsters May 9, 2015
Get the gnome officemug. offspring of (a) Salvation Army officer(s) born before the said officer(s) enter training school. Not to be confused with officer's brat.
abbreviated O.K.
abbreviated O.K.
by placemat January 23, 2009
Get the Officer's kidmug. Game Warden Wildlife Conservation Officer Cadet is a from the Department of the Natural Resources from the Blue Heron Learning Center A.K.A Blue Heron Nature Center/Keep Jasper County Beautiful B.K.A Jasper Conservation District
by Kion Shariff Fulton Wilson, February 4, 2024
Get the Wildlife Conservation Officer Cadetmug. Flex Officer (noun):
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
You: “Why the hell am I getting mandated again?”
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
by BigDaddyBear53 July 4, 2025
Get the Flex Officermug. When any office colleague because of some or other reason keeping themselves little isolated from other colleagues.
by DrShan February 15, 2022
Get the Office Quarantinemug. Is when a grown man capitulates in the face of peer pressure and confirms his status as a beta male/ soft cock.
Alan : you should apologise to that police officer to get out of that speeding fine
Troy: sorry officer!
Alan : what the fuck did you do that for you soft cock.
Troy : don’t tell anybody.
Alan : I’ve got your back.
On work site later that day. Alan : guess what this soft cock said.
Troy: sorry officer!
Alan : what the fuck did you do that for you soft cock.
Troy : don’t tell anybody.
Alan : I’ve got your back.
On work site later that day. Alan : guess what this soft cock said.
by Captain Pepe December 19, 2023
Get the Sorry officermug.