"oh, my life is soooooo bad. I'm sharon osbourne and I'm super-rich and have a gorgeous house that my
dogs have shat all up and my husband can't walk/talk/see/
piss straight. My daughter's in/out rehab and my son's the same and my boob
job was too big 'cos I can't see my feet.....of course I'll accept the Mum of the Year award, gotta keep the bank topped up after all..."