absolute fucking walnut 

What someone is when they fuck up in a stupendously amazing fashion or are just incredibly stupid in general. Must be used with the following inflection:
"You're an absolute FUCKing walnut!"

-After Dave finished his explanation why whites and blacks are different species-
"Dave, you're an absolute FUCKing walnut!"

absolute fucking walnut by Larry Machuto May 26, 2018

Absolutely bananas 

When someone is talking about something crazy or something is not going right

This is absolutely bananas

Absolutely bananas by Princelol December 1, 2019

Absolute 

Something only a Sith deals in.

"If you're not with me, then you're my enemy."

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

Absolute by awesomeMB9 September 25, 2020

absolute fucking shambles

The ultimate form of shambles as might be created by an uber-shambles: best demonstrated when minor clerical and administrative duties have to be undertaken by professional staff in the alleged interests of 'saving money' which in fact does no such thing, but can be pointed to by those who equate change with progress, thus claiming credit for the latter.

The essential work of an organisation isn't done because trivial but necessary work is taking up the time which ought to be used to do the job for which professionals are really employed. Objection is met with a simplistic replies such as 'it only takes a moment', "do you regard it as beneath you", or 'any fool could do that'.

Further, any 8 year old could spot this was a particularly stupid way of doing things.

Loo rolls need changing: could a computer analyst do it? Then a computer analyst shall do it! Everyone including the janitors agreed this created an absolute fucking shambles as senior analysts spent time hunting for wherever loo rolls were stored, but the office manager thought it was an ace idea and claimed an end-of year bonus.

absolute fucking shambles by MoLincs September 12, 2012

absolute banger 

A song that's so good, you always crank the volume up. Something all your friends listen to.

Brad: "Hey Matt, want to listen to this song?"
Matt: "You know it, this song is an absolute banger!"

absolute banger by JakeBallz7 November 3, 2021

Absolute Unit 

Someone THICC and BIGG.

“Hey you see that big guy over there that looks like Dr Robotnic?”

“Yeah that guys an absolute unit!”

Absolute Unit by Panda Halo June 15, 2018

Absolute Virtue 

Often considered the most difficult Notorious Monster in Final Fantasy XI. An entity prisoned by 7 Jailers. Much confusion existed concerning the first Linkshell to legitimately defeat said creature without utilizing the use of glitches. Recently having been "gimped" a touch, it has been beaten many times, although, the majority of those victories being from the use of many Kraken Club wielding Dark Knights.

"We fought Absolute Virtue for 3 hours and we can't beat him... hmm... I KNOW... LET'S NERF HIM!!!

Absolute Virtue by Capeten January 24, 2009