The rationalization hamster is a legendary creature dwelling
deep in the minds of the self-delusional, and is particularly common among young liberal women. From birth, the rationalization hamster enters a symbiotic relation with its host, whereby whenever the host feels a craving to do something completely insane and malicious that
will have horrible consequences for everyone in the long run, the rationalization hamster will jump on its wheel and run really, really fast, getting the magical hamster wheel to spin out a long sheet of paper full of neat rationalizations for the ultimately devastating action.
Rationalization hamsters are thought to be a key component in producing liberal scholarly works, particularly those of
feminism. Young, liberated women often rely on it to explain their attraction to the
asshole who is going to pump and dump them, as well as their contempt for the nice
guy who, unaware of the hamster within, strives fruitlessly to gain their
true love. Older, liberated women also rely on it for dumping their husbands and using the resulting child support
money on jewellery, cars and/or crack.
The adulterer: Well, it's okay to lie about
cheating on him and say it's his baby, as long as his feelings aren't hurt!
Some dude: Whoa, you think it's okay to lie, cheat and commit paternity fraud on your man? Your rationalization
hamster must be working overtime!
The adulterer: But it's not my fault I slept around, it kinda just happened! And those guys probably raped me because I don't really like them right now anymore...
Some dude: Hot dang, that's one tough
hamster!
