Achilles
Achilles was the best of Greeks and lover of Patroclus. Patroclus was NOT Achilles' cousin. This came about because the director and screenwriters of the movie Troy thought it was too gay to have their macho hero so torn up about the death of his best guy friend that he went on a killing spree. he myth that his mother, the goddess Thetis dipped him in the River Styx came along AFTER the Iliad. Achilles was trained by the centaur Chrion, who also trained heroes like Hercules. He probably met Patroclus sometime during his training and they fell in love like dorks do. However, when they got to Troy they probably had a ton of threesomes, especially with Briseis. The fun ended when Agamenmon took Briseis away because he was a dick. So Achilles refused to fight and sulked in his tent until Patroclus decided that he'd go into battle dressed as Achilles to lift moral. Patroclus was a total badass, and even killed Sarpedon, the son of Zeus before Hector killed him. When Achilles found out his lover had died he refused to eat, drink, or leave the corpse's side until his mother convinced him to take his rage out on everyone. He killed everyone on his way to Hector, including a fucking river god. When he finally killed Hector, he dragged his corpse around the walls of Troy. Now, in the Iliad, he eventually gives the body back to the Trojans and that's the end. His death MAY have been caused by an arrow to the heel, but it's also very likely that it was something else.
Person A: Hey, did you know Achilles was in love with his cousin?
Person B: Actually, Patroclus wasn't his cousin! That was just some bullshit the movie Troy would have you believe because it couldn't handle the gay!
Person B: Actually, Patroclus wasn't his cousin! That was just some bullshit the movie Troy would have you believe because it couldn't handle the gay!
Achilles by actualgrantaire August 22, 2015
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