Masturbating

Is what I’m doing now ;)

I’m still masturbating bitchez

Masturbating by It’s true bitches October 28, 2018

Mysterbating 

The act of overusing or abusing the social network of any kind

Person #1: Dude i sent you like 50 messages.
Person #2: Dude you are too in touch with this. Stop mysterbating.

Mysterbating by Georgio Lopezio June 17, 2010

misterbating 

Masturbating to the thought of an older male that you refer to as "Mister"

She got caught misterbating about her professor during class

misterbating by raujero December 7, 2016

illegitimate masturbating 

1. what jesus is said to have condemned as the greatest sin to be commited as "it is wasting thy knuckle children into a sock only to be put into the bottom ov a hamper."

2. what is done on a daily basis in the white house

3. learning algebra

4. sharing files on frostwire

i gotta go do some illegitimate masturbating

illegitimate masturbating by incipitsathanas October 19, 2009

The masturbating ninja technique 

When a gentlemen decides to enter the masturbatory stage of his day, he may decide to deploy the homo sapien style (standing up) only to realize his t-shirt drops down into penile range. To avoid ejaculate or any lubratory means being transferred onto ones personnel, the ninja technique is engaged by whipping the front flap of the t-shirt over the head to create a warm, stylish, and protective measure against the army of unbelievable stickiness.

Policeman 1: "We found this fine young lad frozen to death here in the arctic tundra'.
Policeman 2: "It looks like he's been out here for weeks and missed the warm soothing touch of a woman, and decided to literally take matters into his own hands".
Policeman 1: "Correctomundo. If only he had a mentor to teach him the ways of the masturbating ninja technique, he might have pulled through".
Policeman 2: "Hey! Yeah that's true. If only he kept his shirt flipped over his head with his shoulders covered instead of taking it completely off, he'd still be here today".
Policeman 1: "Poor, poor, uninformed bastard".

The masturbating ninja technique by dirk digglett March 31, 2015

masturbathing 

The act of jacking off while in the shower.

Why were you taking so long in the shower?

Oh, I just got done masturbathing.

masturbathing by cabbage206 August 15, 2009

caught masturbating 

Being made to feel shame and humiliation for something that every one else does.

Jill was caught masturbating in her dorm room, and her friends will never let her forget about it.

caught masturbating by Jill VanDeLay September 30, 2003