Definitions by nolandc
Orion’s Gucci Belt
(n.) A wealthy neighborhood or region, named after what its spoiled children see when they spot Orion’s Belt in the sky.
The backyards in Orion's Gucci Belt may smell vaguely of George Bush's breath. It's an urban legend that the people who live in Orion's Gucci Belt root for financial crises and own large birds of prey that steal from the poor.
The backyards in Orion's Gucci Belt may smell vaguely of George Bush's breath. It's an urban legend that the people who live in Orion's Gucci Belt root for financial crises and own large birds of prey that steal from the poor.
Person 1: "Wanna go to Chipotle?"
Person 2: "This is not the Rust Belt. This is Orion’s Gucci Belt. We feast at the Cheesecake Factory."
Person 2: "This is not the Rust Belt. This is Orion’s Gucci Belt. We feast at the Cheesecake Factory."
Orion’s Gucci Belt by nolandc September 26, 2019
Excel Poetry
(n.) the act of writing non-work-related content into a spreadsheet while at work, so as if to appear you're toiling away.
Veiled procrastination. Allows the Excel-poet to engage in confident eye contact whenever the boss walks by. Meanwhile, sweaty colleagues scramble to appear busy, mystified.
Veiled procrastination. Allows the Excel-poet to engage in confident eye contact whenever the boss walks by. Meanwhile, sweaty colleagues scramble to appear busy, mystified.
Excel Poetry by nolandc September 24, 2019
first-wheeling
(n.) to take oneself out on date.
When a couple requests to be alone, a third wheel derails into a first wheel. First-wheeling can be devastating for individuals who dislike their own company.
A good first-wheel could start with laying out a spread of charcuterie, wine, and dark chocolate on the river bank; then unicycling home under the rose-colored sunset. When you get back, to look in the mirror, telling yourself, "my treat," and then blushing, flattered.
When a couple requests to be alone, a third wheel derails into a first wheel. First-wheeling can be devastating for individuals who dislike their own company.
A good first-wheel could start with laying out a spread of charcuterie, wine, and dark chocolate on the river bank; then unicycling home under the rose-colored sunset. When you get back, to look in the mirror, telling yourself, "my treat," and then blushing, flattered.
Martyn: "Nolan, I am getting tired of you coming on my dinner dates with Phosie."
Nolan: "Ok, I will start first-wheeling and get to know myself better."
Martyn: "Maximal pleb behavior."
Nolan: "Ok, I will start first-wheeling and get to know myself better."
Martyn: "Maximal pleb behavior."
first-wheeling by nolandc September 20, 2019
Pesto Manifesto
(n.) a mindset affecting young or inexperienced cooks, causing them to believe dumping pesto onto pasta is the only way to make a dinner.
Generally college-aged males. Sufferers tend to believe they are stellar cooks who can transport any guest that comes for dinner directly to Northwest Italy. In rare cases, develop "manifestos" about how pesto will unite nations and solve poverty.
No cure.
Generally college-aged males. Sufferers tend to believe they are stellar cooks who can transport any guest that comes for dinner directly to Northwest Italy. In rare cases, develop "manifestos" about how pesto will unite nations and solve poverty.
No cure.
Pesto Manifesto by nolandc September 20, 2019
Sendgame
(n.) how good you are at texting back.
There are different levels of sendgame. Elite sendgame is known as “time travel texting” — responding so quickly that it appears you went back in time to think of reply. Most individuals have mid-tier sendgame with 1-6 hour response times. Atrocious sendgame is known as “Amazon Prime texting” — offering standard reply times of 2 days for qualifying friends.
There are different levels of sendgame. Elite sendgame is known as “time travel texting” — responding so quickly that it appears you went back in time to think of reply. Most individuals have mid-tier sendgame with 1-6 hour response times. Atrocious sendgame is known as “Amazon Prime texting” — offering standard reply times of 2 days for qualifying friends.
to raise cattle
(v.) to start beef with someone in a slow, brooding manner.
Compared to starting beef, raising cattle tends to be a more open and controlled grudge-holding process. It must be nurtured over a long period, like cattle on a farm, and can last several years.
Eventually, however, the grudge-holders may slaughter their cattle and convert it to beef. At this moment, they grudge-holders might begin tussling at a pre-game, heckling each other on campus, or fist-fighting in the middle of the quarterly marketing meeting.
Compared to starting beef, raising cattle tends to be a more open and controlled grudge-holding process. It must be nurtured over a long period, like cattle on a farm, and can last several years.
Eventually, however, the grudge-holders may slaughter their cattle and convert it to beef. At this moment, they grudge-holders might begin tussling at a pre-game, heckling each other on campus, or fist-fighting in the middle of the quarterly marketing meeting.
to raise cattle by nolandc September 20, 2019
LLC god
(n.) A millennial who has founded several limited liability companies (LLCs) to absolutely no success. The companies generally don't exist outside of their LinkedIn profiles and resumes.
These individuals believe they are gods of money, but in fact are merely pawns of capitalism.
These individuals believe they are gods of money, but in fact are merely pawns of capitalism.