Definitions by nolandc

Alonavirus

The ailment contracted by lonely singles after Valentine’s Day. Symptoms include feverish right-swiping on dating apps and a renewed desire to wreck the gym. The general public can protect itself by wearing masks, to avoid smelling Alonavirus victims’ brand new cologne: Dior Amour.

Also known as Heartbrokenfluenza, not to be confused with the Common Cold Heart.

Adam contracted Alonavirus on Valentine’s Day when he binged-watched all of his friends’ romantic Instagram stories.

Alonavirus by nolandc February 22, 2020

Track Flowcaine 

A highly-addictive song. Flow so stimulating it causes withdrawal symptoms, like Crack Cocaine.

Track Flowcaine forces addicted listeners to keep one AirPod in during meetings or lectures. In cases of overdose, addicts hum Track Flowcaine's melody and tap its beat in public.

Kara stayed home and inhaled Track Flowcaine in her track den.

Track Flowcaine by nolandc February 14, 2020

Track Flowcaine 

A highly-addictive song. Flow so stimulating it causes withdrawal symptoms, like Crack Cocaine.

Track Flowcaine forces addicted listeners to keep one AirPod in during meetings or lectures. In cases of overdose, addicts hum Track Flowcaine's melody and tap its beat in public.

Kara stayed home and inhaled Track Flowcaine in her track den.

Track Flowcaine by nolandc February 14, 2020

Data Dump 

Time spent on the office toilet, scrolling through social media to avoid responsibilities. Offers a way to relax without your manager seeing.

Finished with wiping and now only swiping, a data dumper will consume gigabytes-worth of data on IG and YouTube.

Garrett spent the last hour of his shift on a data dump.

Data Dump by nolandc February 14, 2020

Scareline 

The scary hairline of a young man realizing that, someday, he will be bald.

Recession is the name of the game. The dadbod of hairlines, the scareline indicates to potential mates that he’s a fresh sprout with fatherly clout.

Tim inspected his scareline in the mirror and confidently whispered: "Receding is succeeding."

Scareline by nolandc January 23, 2020

Fleece Navidaddy 

The fictitious love interest that you tell your family about when you come home for the holiday season.

Fleece-wearing, dog-rearing, and law degree-bearing, the Fleece Navidaddy is guaranteed to impress the aunts and uncles.

Mother won’t have a Feliz Navidad unless she hears about your Fleece Navidaddy.

Fleece Navidaddy by nolandc December 24, 2019

Picockso 

An artist of sex.

Picasso of the sheets, always willing to try new positions to gain “multiple perspectives.” A missionary visionary and a 69 heroine.

Known for their brushstrokes of love.

His sex acumen: it's outrageous. He's a true Picockso.

Picockso by nolandc November 16, 2019