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nolandc's definitions

1-800 prophecy

(n.) a correct prediction when one's phone rings that it is a telemarketer calling.

A 1-800 prophecy is often celebrated by briefly answering the call to insult the telemarketer.
We toasted to Cameron's 1-800 prophecy at dinner.
by nolandc September 2, 2019
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K2 Complex

(n.) a sensation of inferiority arising in an ultra-tall person when they walk into a room and there is someone taller.

Named after the second highest mountain on earth, K2.
Shaq struggled with a K2 Complex when playing against Yao Ming.
by nolandc September 2, 2019
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shelf death

(n.) the choice to give up on your crush because you've been put on the shelf for too long.

Humans tend to carry shelf lives of several months -- much shorter than that of canned foods. The average human will shelf die more than once in their life.
Luke is going through a tough shelf death after Mary stopped responding to his messages last month.
by nolandc September 2, 2019
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Alonavirus

The ailment contracted by lonely singles after Valentine’s Day. Symptoms include feverish right-swiping on dating apps and a renewed desire to wreck the gym. The general public can protect itself by wearing masks, to avoid smelling Alonavirus victims’ brand new cologne: Dior Amour.

Also known as Heartbrokenfluenza, not to be confused with the Common Cold Heart.
Adam contracted Alonavirus on Valentine’s Day when he binged-watched all of his friends’ romantic Instagram stories.
by nolandc February 22, 2020
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garbage bin chemical warfare

(n.) A passive aggressive argument between roommates, conducted when both parties continually refuse to take the trash out.

The resulting odor can lead to a household crisis, with general evacuation and avoidance of the common areas for the duration of the conflict. Can last for several days or, if stubborn, months.
Lisa: I'm near yours, can I stop by?
Tom: Wear a gas mask, we are enduring garbage bin chemical warfare.
by nolandc September 12, 2019
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Dynadick

(n.) Someone who learned to be rude through their parents.

Traditionally, a Dynadick is an asshole whose father was an asshole, and whose father's father was an asshole also. Thus, a Dynadick is a member of a "Dynasty of Dicks."
Matt: "I went over to Adam's for dinner, and he and his parents scoffed at my body fat throughout the meal."
Chloe: "What a dynadick."
by nolandc September 12, 2019
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DILB

short for a "Dad I'd Like to Befriend"

Kind, fun, and overweight, DILBs send out family-friendly vibes from all the way across Main Street. One can't help but call him "grill god" and throw a baseball in his direction. Every time a DILB makes a dad joke, a puppy is born in Heaven.
Omg Pete is such a DILB.
by nolandc September 28, 2019
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