Definitions by kodiac1
pwned
pwned is pronounced as if it rymed with owned, despite what a lot of dumbasses think. It means "I went to the bathroom" and is often used in conversations on the Internet. It is believed that the 'n' was placed there as a crudely drawn toilet to emphasize the actual meaning of the word and to confuse anyone who isn't aware of Internet talk, namely Baby-Boomers or older.
From its use in Hopscotch in the Middle Ages, pwned has wormed its way into the hearts of gamers off all types. Popularized by the game Checkers, invented in 1976, it was used as a shortened version of the word 'pawned'. When your queen reached your opponents first row, she would be 'pawned'. This eventually led to the phrase 'pwning bitches' or its shortened form, "Trebek'd". Or it could have been a spelling mistake on Quake 2. Who knows?
PWND also describes what happens when you get zerged by a group of albs doing a relic take at 3 a.m. (as that's the only time they can do one successfully). The same can be said if you get zerged by a group of mids at about 6 a.m., for the same reason... or when you get zerged by a group of hibs at just about any time during the day.
Of course, this is post-Catacombs and DEFINITELY post-TOA, when Hibs finally figured out how to RVR with their superior character classes and races. And Banshees. Don't forget the Banshees.
PWND is also the TRUE word muttered by Captain Jean-Luc Picard when he defeated the Borg queen at yet another one of her nasty little assimilation games. It was later edited out by network executives when they decided that the broadcast television-watching masses would not be capable of listening to the word "PWND" in all its glory, and their heads would explode if they were exposed to such an aesthetically and mathematically superior word.
Because PWND is neither a true noun or adjective, it is in a class of its own.
There are also other derivitives such as C0ned, droned, loaned, boned, mediowned, RobertDoaned, Daniel Booned, and AlCapowned. Another late comer to this new list is eatatthedoaned. No other phrase has made such a profoundly retarded impact upon our youth today. Due to this entirely stupid new reality, one can expect to see things such as pidill, noner, and filmerguiset describing things like ice cream, olives, and dish soap respectively.
Pwnsome is a hybrid of ‘pwn’ and ‘awesome,’ generally used to describe things that are pretty damn awesome, and pwn at the same time. It originated from a misspelling during an AIM conversation between two members of the Find Your God forums, and is widely used on www.findyourgod.forumsplace.com , though virtually unknown elsewhere. Its two founders are currently engaged in the holy task of making this pwnsome word as widespread as ‘w00t,’ ‘All Your Base are Belong to Us,’ and even ‘pwn’ itself. USE IT OFTEN, PEON!!!!
From its use in Hopscotch in the Middle Ages, pwned has wormed its way into the hearts of gamers off all types. Popularized by the game Checkers, invented in 1976, it was used as a shortened version of the word 'pawned'. When your queen reached your opponents first row, she would be 'pawned'. This eventually led to the phrase 'pwning bitches' or its shortened form, "Trebek'd". Or it could have been a spelling mistake on Quake 2. Who knows?
PWND also describes what happens when you get zerged by a group of albs doing a relic take at 3 a.m. (as that's the only time they can do one successfully). The same can be said if you get zerged by a group of mids at about 6 a.m., for the same reason... or when you get zerged by a group of hibs at just about any time during the day.
Of course, this is post-Catacombs and DEFINITELY post-TOA, when Hibs finally figured out how to RVR with their superior character classes and races. And Banshees. Don't forget the Banshees.
PWND is also the TRUE word muttered by Captain Jean-Luc Picard when he defeated the Borg queen at yet another one of her nasty little assimilation games. It was later edited out by network executives when they decided that the broadcast television-watching masses would not be capable of listening to the word "PWND" in all its glory, and their heads would explode if they were exposed to such an aesthetically and mathematically superior word.
Because PWND is neither a true noun or adjective, it is in a class of its own.
There are also other derivitives such as C0ned, droned, loaned, boned, mediowned, RobertDoaned, Daniel Booned, and AlCapowned. Another late comer to this new list is eatatthedoaned. No other phrase has made such a profoundly retarded impact upon our youth today. Due to this entirely stupid new reality, one can expect to see things such as pidill, noner, and filmerguiset describing things like ice cream, olives, and dish soap respectively.
Pwnsome is a hybrid of ‘pwn’ and ‘awesome,’ generally used to describe things that are pretty damn awesome, and pwn at the same time. It originated from a misspelling during an AIM conversation between two members of the Find Your God forums, and is widely used on www.findyourgod.forumsplace.com , though virtually unknown elsewhere. Its two founders are currently engaged in the holy task of making this pwnsome word as widespread as ‘w00t,’ ‘All Your Base are Belong to Us,’ and even ‘pwn’ itself. USE IT OFTEN, PEON!!!!
Nuke
Nuke is the greatest tool of peace ever made. It prevent wars and, then it the war starts, nuke finish it quickly.
Nuking Stuff has proven popular over the last few years, especially with nazis, right-wing religious groups and crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the old 'drop a nuke' but there are also such more intelligent methods, used by people like George Bush - these include 'get a clever person to plan it for you'.
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine and N-Sync. Professional nukers will also listen to Britney Spears, but this is only for advanced nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more preciseley the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds).
Nuking Stuff has proven popular over the last few years, especially with nazis, right-wing religious groups and crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the old 'drop a nuke' but there are also such more intelligent methods, used by people like George Bush - these include 'get a clever person to plan it for you'.
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine and N-Sync. Professional nukers will also listen to Britney Spears, but this is only for advanced nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more preciseley the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds).
Nuclear recipe
Here is a recipe to a nuke i found in the oval office
2 kilo's uranium 2 kilo's pie 1 very big empty bomb 60,000 cookies 1 G. bush 1 land to nuke 0 braincells Much insanity
To make:
1. Mix the uranium with the pppie and put it in george bush.
2. Then, after a day, take bush his shit and put it in the bomb.
3. Add cookies
4. Drop it at the land you selected
Done!
The small letter: Uranium can only be found in bush his secret bunker or the planet ur-anus.
Here is a recipe to a nuke i found in the oval office
2 kilo's uranium 2 kilo's pie 1 very big empty bomb 60,000 cookies 1 G. bush 1 land to nuke 0 braincells Much insanity
To make:
1. Mix the uranium with the pppie and put it in george bush.
2. Then, after a day, take bush his shit and put it in the bomb.
3. Add cookies
4. Drop it at the land you selected
Done!
The small letter: Uranium can only be found in bush his secret bunker or the planet ur-anus.
Gun
Gun. You know, barrel, trigger, bullet, bang bang you're dead. guns are the cat's best friend
Well known fact: guns don't kill people, flaming shoulder pads kill people. Often times with guns. Unless the Gun misfires, killing the shooter, in which case, yes, guns do kill people.
Well, the gun helps.
This fact was tested scientifically by the Royal Society in 1701, and they discovered that in fact bullets kill people most of the time, and guns kill people if you smack them upside the head with them.
Fuck, my head hurts. Just shoot me now.
There are some cases also, in which you may have a friend called Gun that does not like you very much. But that's part of life anyway... and Son of a Gun isn't very nice at times either.
The gun consists of three principal components: the barrel, the projectile and the propellant. The propellant is a rapidly expanding substance which forces the bullet down the barrel and towards the intended target. The shooter must be sure to never mess up (like firing the barrel by holding the propellant or by manually pushing the bullets through the barrel to push the propellant).
On leaving the barrel the bullet causes a supersonic shock wave to be emitted which propagates towards the victim, causing distraction. Often, guns are fitted with noise-enhancing devices to increase this effect.
The modern firearm is equipped with a spark chamber, designed to produce muzzle flash. This is to allow guns to be used as ad-hoc flashlights in darkened areas by repeated firing. The flash also acts to scare and unnerve the victim. In fact, in the early days of photography before the invention of the flashbulb, photographs were illuminated by the discharge of a large cannon. This made the photographer amongst the deadliest of professions.
Post-modern weaponry, consists of phasors which emit a powerful beam which is enough to cut a loaf of bread into slices suitable for eating by dwarf-humans, Klingons and Bacterium alike. The beam is often colorful, to prevent boredom in between in-ship battles, and to create some random distraction for the enemies to look at.
Guns in Entertainment
Guns are used in many TV shows and movies. They are often used out of context, such as being a soother for a baby, rather than a deadly weapon.
Guns are used in the TV show 24. This is a show about how Jack Bauer runs around killing people with guns.
Ray guns are often used in the show Star Trek, in which the main characters shoot the bad characters. It is widely disputed as to whether their ray guns are accurate portrayal of real ray guns. It should be noted that guns are known to fire metal bullets rather than lasers.
Why do people die from gun?
In Soviet Russia, people kill GUNS!! ~ Charlton Heston, NRA spokesman
Often the shock of a bright flash, loud "bang" and sharp metal projectile travelling at upwards of 300 metres per second can Lead to Psychological effects such as Heart arrhythmia, fainting and Farting. The most common effect is Diarrhea. This is why, in a firefight, the stronger will prevails - weaker shooters (typically terrorists or Imperial Storm-Troopers) will drop like flies from the stress of the experience and the weight of their full underwear, whereas those of a heroic disposition (such as Americans and Jedi) will withstand the nerve-rattling experience and survive.
A commonly held Myth is that bullets penetrating the flesh will kill people. A simple back-of-envelope calculation reveals the flaw in this argument. By modelling bullets as point particles, and people as one-dimensional strings, one can see that the chance of a bullet hitting a person, even in a crowd of thousands, is infinitesimally small. The Truth is that Death from guns is often due to the sheer surprise of being shot at.
That said, being hit by a bullet is a common experience for the clinically obese, and the resulting pain and injury can often result in substantial fecal weight loss.
A study conducted by the university of Scmiillicettittisinndamorghning in wales shows that people who get shot generaly die of some form of leadpoisoning. This awkward result has been classified by several gun toting rightwing trailertrash slobs as trival information, or so says the whitehouse "If them folks are dumb enough to stand infront a speedin bullet. Now ya hear".
_______________________________________
Guns are brilliant tools of illegal death. Murder and Suicide are the best examples. As one of the troops in an Al-Quaida training camp said shortly before shooting herself three times in the head with an AK47 from different angles and then putting the weapons tidily back into the armoury (that part is actually true): "Don't leave me, i've had death threats," which is obvious code for "I am a zombie and will kill myself to please our lord Jesus christ who died for all of our sins." Her Suicide note which wasn't written in her handwriting, leads Scientists to believe she used her zombie Psychic powers to make someone else write it, who coincidentally didn't like her. This is likely inspired by the late JFK's suicide, which involved stabbing himself three times in the back, pissing on his own dead body and throwing himself off a bridge. This is indeed an accomplishment in suicide.
Guns don't kill people. People don't kill people. The bullets and/or the shock of the blast or the person bleeding is what kills them. The gun is blamed because it helps and the person is responsible because they were just around when the person died.
Other countries have varying laws for guns, gun crimes, and gun control.
Guatemala: It is mandatory a gun is given to all babies of 5 months of age and up.
Canada: Canadians are too shy to operate guns. Canada has no gun-related deaths.
Japan: Grenade Launchers are constantly circulated througout this country by the mafia. Dogs must be licensed to own a firearm.
Australia: Guns are banned in Australia, so the government can feel safe that the population won't rise up against them. Knives are preferable.
The United States: There are no guns in this country. Most people will vomit at the sight of them.
New Zealand: Many native species are threatened with extinction, including but not limited to; kiwi, tuatara, moa, proud-mullet-wearing bogans, hobbits and 'real' men. This is the result of Captain Cook introducing firearms to the native sheep in 1770, at the same time introducing women, rambo-style headbands, and a hearty cocktail called "the Wilde Captain" made from seawater, chocolate icecream, and methylated spirits and named after a certain British author. Sheep, usually docile, innocent, cuddly animals went abso-frikkin-lutely postal in a multi-cultural, genocidal, extravaganza, with much "Are you talkin' to me?" and "Do you feel lucky, punk?"ing (sic). Their lush white feathers were stained the blood of their foes for a millenia. All hail our glorious sheep overlords!
Germany: Children commit 97% of gun crimes. A Banana can be purchased at any Mom and Pop adult video store.
Zimbabwe: This highly industrialized nation has made the most advances in laser technology, and keeps guns closely guar
Well known fact: guns don't kill people, flaming shoulder pads kill people. Often times with guns. Unless the Gun misfires, killing the shooter, in which case, yes, guns do kill people.
Well, the gun helps.
This fact was tested scientifically by the Royal Society in 1701, and they discovered that in fact bullets kill people most of the time, and guns kill people if you smack them upside the head with them.
Fuck, my head hurts. Just shoot me now.
There are some cases also, in which you may have a friend called Gun that does not like you very much. But that's part of life anyway... and Son of a Gun isn't very nice at times either.
The gun consists of three principal components: the barrel, the projectile and the propellant. The propellant is a rapidly expanding substance which forces the bullet down the barrel and towards the intended target. The shooter must be sure to never mess up (like firing the barrel by holding the propellant or by manually pushing the bullets through the barrel to push the propellant).
On leaving the barrel the bullet causes a supersonic shock wave to be emitted which propagates towards the victim, causing distraction. Often, guns are fitted with noise-enhancing devices to increase this effect.
The modern firearm is equipped with a spark chamber, designed to produce muzzle flash. This is to allow guns to be used as ad-hoc flashlights in darkened areas by repeated firing. The flash also acts to scare and unnerve the victim. In fact, in the early days of photography before the invention of the flashbulb, photographs were illuminated by the discharge of a large cannon. This made the photographer amongst the deadliest of professions.
Post-modern weaponry, consists of phasors which emit a powerful beam which is enough to cut a loaf of bread into slices suitable for eating by dwarf-humans, Klingons and Bacterium alike. The beam is often colorful, to prevent boredom in between in-ship battles, and to create some random distraction for the enemies to look at.
Guns in Entertainment
Guns are used in many TV shows and movies. They are often used out of context, such as being a soother for a baby, rather than a deadly weapon.
Guns are used in the TV show 24. This is a show about how Jack Bauer runs around killing people with guns.
Ray guns are often used in the show Star Trek, in which the main characters shoot the bad characters. It is widely disputed as to whether their ray guns are accurate portrayal of real ray guns. It should be noted that guns are known to fire metal bullets rather than lasers.
Why do people die from gun?
In Soviet Russia, people kill GUNS!! ~ Charlton Heston, NRA spokesman
Often the shock of a bright flash, loud "bang" and sharp metal projectile travelling at upwards of 300 metres per second can Lead to Psychological effects such as Heart arrhythmia, fainting and Farting. The most common effect is Diarrhea. This is why, in a firefight, the stronger will prevails - weaker shooters (typically terrorists or Imperial Storm-Troopers) will drop like flies from the stress of the experience and the weight of their full underwear, whereas those of a heroic disposition (such as Americans and Jedi) will withstand the nerve-rattling experience and survive.
A commonly held Myth is that bullets penetrating the flesh will kill people. A simple back-of-envelope calculation reveals the flaw in this argument. By modelling bullets as point particles, and people as one-dimensional strings, one can see that the chance of a bullet hitting a person, even in a crowd of thousands, is infinitesimally small. The Truth is that Death from guns is often due to the sheer surprise of being shot at.
That said, being hit by a bullet is a common experience for the clinically obese, and the resulting pain and injury can often result in substantial fecal weight loss.
A study conducted by the university of Scmiillicettittisinndamorghning in wales shows that people who get shot generaly die of some form of leadpoisoning. This awkward result has been classified by several gun toting rightwing trailertrash slobs as trival information, or so says the whitehouse "If them folks are dumb enough to stand infront a speedin bullet. Now ya hear".
_______________________________________
Guns are brilliant tools of illegal death. Murder and Suicide are the best examples. As one of the troops in an Al-Quaida training camp said shortly before shooting herself three times in the head with an AK47 from different angles and then putting the weapons tidily back into the armoury (that part is actually true): "Don't leave me, i've had death threats," which is obvious code for "I am a zombie and will kill myself to please our lord Jesus christ who died for all of our sins." Her Suicide note which wasn't written in her handwriting, leads Scientists to believe she used her zombie Psychic powers to make someone else write it, who coincidentally didn't like her. This is likely inspired by the late JFK's suicide, which involved stabbing himself three times in the back, pissing on his own dead body and throwing himself off a bridge. This is indeed an accomplishment in suicide.
Guns don't kill people. People don't kill people. The bullets and/or the shock of the blast or the person bleeding is what kills them. The gun is blamed because it helps and the person is responsible because they were just around when the person died.
Other countries have varying laws for guns, gun crimes, and gun control.
Guatemala: It is mandatory a gun is given to all babies of 5 months of age and up.
Canada: Canadians are too shy to operate guns. Canada has no gun-related deaths.
Japan: Grenade Launchers are constantly circulated througout this country by the mafia. Dogs must be licensed to own a firearm.
Australia: Guns are banned in Australia, so the government can feel safe that the population won't rise up against them. Knives are preferable.
The United States: There are no guns in this country. Most people will vomit at the sight of them.
New Zealand: Many native species are threatened with extinction, including but not limited to; kiwi, tuatara, moa, proud-mullet-wearing bogans, hobbits and 'real' men. This is the result of Captain Cook introducing firearms to the native sheep in 1770, at the same time introducing women, rambo-style headbands, and a hearty cocktail called "the Wilde Captain" made from seawater, chocolate icecream, and methylated spirits and named after a certain British author. Sheep, usually docile, innocent, cuddly animals went abso-frikkin-lutely postal in a multi-cultural, genocidal, extravaganza, with much "Are you talkin' to me?" and "Do you feel lucky, punk?"ing (sic). Their lush white feathers were stained the blood of their foes for a millenia. All hail our glorious sheep overlords!
Germany: Children commit 97% of gun crimes. A Banana can be purchased at any Mom and Pop adult video store.
Zimbabwe: This highly industrialized nation has made the most advances in laser technology, and keeps guns closely guar
NASA
NASA originally stood for the "National Anal Sex Association". Now NASA stands for the "Nutty Assholes in Space Authority", having changed its focus from bedrooms to the sky. They're still fuckin' anal, though!
NASA was really created as an attempt to fool people into thinking America reached Venus (as Europe did first). It failed to live up to the expectations of NACA.
WebSense
It has been known that rogue states but also companies and universities put restrictions to the Internet usage. These restrictions are so aggressive and perverse that the Internet experience of the end-user is completely compromised.
WebSense comes to the rescue by providing stealth anonymity to the masses, allowing them to browse the Internet without restrictions. Due to this, WebSense is severely unpopular in specific non-secural countries; merely having WebSense software installed on your computer may land you in jail for two years.
WebSense offers anonymous secure proxy servers that end-users can connect to. Once such a server is blocked, WebSense activates a new one and informs the users through encrypted e-mail to switch to it.
There is currently work carried out to integrate WebSense with the Onion Routing project in order to offer protection against traffic analysis.
WebSense is resilient to differential analysis attacks thanks to patented technologies being employed.
WebSense comes to the rescue by providing stealth anonymity to the masses, allowing them to browse the Internet without restrictions. Due to this, WebSense is severely unpopular in specific non-secural countries; merely having WebSense software installed on your computer may land you in jail for two years.
WebSense offers anonymous secure proxy servers that end-users can connect to. Once such a server is blocked, WebSense activates a new one and informs the users through encrypted e-mail to switch to it.
There is currently work carried out to integrate WebSense with the Onion Routing project in order to offer protection against traffic analysis.
WebSense is resilient to differential analysis attacks thanks to patented technologies being employed.
Emo Bingo
Emo Bingo is the rather hardcore game of bingo, now played instead of Goth Bingo, due to the fact that the suicidal cliche has now been usurped from the Goth movement.
You and your friends (Ha! Yeah, right.) should gather around a computer and open up your internet browser of choice. Here, you should lay down the following ground rules:
1. Determine which blogging spaces are allowed (MySpace, Xanga, etc.).
2. Optionally choose a selection filter (Celebrities, <18, "tweens", blondes, emo hair, etc.).
3. Randomly generated your Emo Bingo card using the Emo Bingo Generation Program.
4. Determine how much alcohol is to be consumed (minimum or maximum) between rounds. Because you're going to need alcohol to withstand their emo radiation.
The card is divided into 5 collumns, each with a specific theme.
* B: B is for Bitching, which is what they do. About everyone. Seriously.
* I: I is for Illiterate, which is what they are. This column asks for their writings.
* N: N is for No Taste. This column is for their music choices.
* G: G is for Graphics. Unfortunately, they won't cut themselves and leave something graphic enough.
* O: O is for Original, which is what they think thier names are. Prove them wrong.
For more fun, play for patterns (the Square, the Tee, the Cross, the X), play cards back to back, simultaniously. Furthermore, if this is not enough to satisfy you, you can play "Fake the Emo" bingo, in which you start accounts in order to confuse emos into believing your lies. Whoever gets the first fatality wins! Yay!
You and your friends (Ha! Yeah, right.) should gather around a computer and open up your internet browser of choice. Here, you should lay down the following ground rules:
1. Determine which blogging spaces are allowed (MySpace, Xanga, etc.).
2. Optionally choose a selection filter (Celebrities, <18, "tweens", blondes, emo hair, etc.).
3. Randomly generated your Emo Bingo card using the Emo Bingo Generation Program.
4. Determine how much alcohol is to be consumed (minimum or maximum) between rounds. Because you're going to need alcohol to withstand their emo radiation.
The card is divided into 5 collumns, each with a specific theme.
* B: B is for Bitching, which is what they do. About everyone. Seriously.
* I: I is for Illiterate, which is what they are. This column asks for their writings.
* N: N is for No Taste. This column is for their music choices.
* G: G is for Graphics. Unfortunately, they won't cut themselves and leave something graphic enough.
* O: O is for Original, which is what they think thier names are. Prove them wrong.
For more fun, play for patterns (the Square, the Tee, the Cross, the X), play cards back to back, simultaniously. Furthermore, if this is not enough to satisfy you, you can play "Fake the Emo" bingo, in which you start accounts in order to confuse emos into believing your lies. Whoever gets the first fatality wins! Yay!
Kung Fu
Kung Fu is a supernatural defense martial arts system developed in China to ward off attacking ninjas from Japan. It was introduced to America by a mutated Kung Fu Master called Kwai Chang Caine aka Master of Puppets, aka David Carradine. Adepts of Kung Fu learn the highly guarded secret of learning to shoot noodles out of their right nostril and to knock out their opponents without actually coming into physical contact with them as well as other deadly techniques (This included droping Acme fire - crackers in the victims' underpants and gleefully watching them). Kung fu masters usually lose to oponents using The Norwegian Barfighting Method unless they are either drunk, high, or Bruce Lee. Every chinaman is known to be born with perfect Kung Fu skills.
The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.
So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.
"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"
"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."
Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.
Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.
So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.
"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"
"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."
Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.
Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
"Kung fu is like flower, in it I win"
~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu
"I am starting to learn my strength back"
~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu
"I am starting to learn my strength back"
~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde