jazzriff's definitions
1)The philosophy held by douchebags, holding that no one other than themselves (or perhaps their close associates) matters in the least bit, and thus that other human beings can and should be treated like complete excrement for little or no reason (and often for selfish reasons). Closely related to fascism, which has been practiced by control freaks such as Adolf Hitler.
2)The act of putting this philosophy into practice.
2)The act of putting this philosophy into practice.
1)Some notable (historical and otherwise) adherents of douchebaggery: Josef Stalin, Mao Tse Tung, George W. Bush, Adolf Hitler, Andrew Jackson, George Lincoln Rockwell, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan
2)Examples of douchebaggery in practice, varying in scope and intensity (in the order of the above adherents): fascism; violent political oppression; winning an election through obvious fraud and subsequently invading Iraq based on admitted lies; the Holocaust; the genocide of the Native Americans; the founding of the American Nazi Party; more violent political oppression; declaring jihad on an entire country and slaughtering 3,000 innocent cubicle workers as part of it; declaring a War on Drugs based largely on the delusion that "every one of those goddamn bastards out to legalize marijuana is a Jew" (direct quote from President Richard Nixon); treating the Constitution and the natural environment as a set of obstacles to be overcome.
2)Examples of douchebaggery in practice, varying in scope and intensity (in the order of the above adherents): fascism; violent political oppression; winning an election through obvious fraud and subsequently invading Iraq based on admitted lies; the Holocaust; the genocide of the Native Americans; the founding of the American Nazi Party; more violent political oppression; declaring jihad on an entire country and slaughtering 3,000 innocent cubicle workers as part of it; declaring a War on Drugs based largely on the delusion that "every one of those goddamn bastards out to legalize marijuana is a Jew" (direct quote from President Richard Nixon); treating the Constitution and the natural environment as a set of obstacles to be overcome.
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the douchebaggery mug.Technically: a religious concept of an immortal individual conciousness, the mind superimposed on an invisible and supposedly indestructible and universal substance called "spirit."
Colloquially: authenticity, style, or passion. Used almost exclusively in expressions similar to "he's got soul," often used to refer to individual (e.g. improvisational) expression in music styles such as jazz.
Also, a harmonically simple, often syncopated, style of music made by black people such as James Brown, usually played by small groups, though occasionally involving horn sections, related to funk and rock and always having vocals. This music is claimed to embody the above characteristic.
Colloquially: authenticity, style, or passion. Used almost exclusively in expressions similar to "he's got soul," often used to refer to individual (e.g. improvisational) expression in music styles such as jazz.
Also, a harmonically simple, often syncopated, style of music made by black people such as James Brown, usually played by small groups, though occasionally involving horn sections, related to funk and rock and always having vocals. This music is claimed to embody the above characteristic.
by jazzriff September 28, 2006
Get the soul mug.The Church of Voodoo Pharmacology is a popular and global cult which holds the paranoid belief that all scientific studies regarding illegal drugs are liberal conspiracies and thus completely false, and that all illegal drugs are without exception Satanic, immoral, life-ruining, addictive, and deadly. The actions of this cult are oriented towards demonizing and incarcerating all illegal drug users, and in some cases removing them from the earth in some type of Holocaust (see Rush Limbaugh). They strongly and unquestionably support the war on drugs. The official term for all those who disagree with them in any way is "pro-drug."
Many organizations are involved in this cult, including the PDFA, ONDCP, DEA, UN, Republicans, and various pharmaceutical companies, as well as almost all fundie groups. The cult has no official leadership, but the US government and UN share most of the administrative duties.
The cult was founded by Harry J. Anslinger (also first head of the DEA), who was mainly responsible, through the successful use of propaganda, for the national and subsequently global criminalization of marijuana (globally criminalized through U.N. conventions). He was well-known for his racism and violent hatred of jazz, as well as his hypocrisy, reversing his position on the effects of marijuana from the claim that it would make you murderous to the claim that it would make you absolutely useless. This led some to conclude that he was hepped up on goofballs. Some enlightening quotes from him are below.
Many organizations are involved in this cult, including the PDFA, ONDCP, DEA, UN, Republicans, and various pharmaceutical companies, as well as almost all fundie groups. The cult has no official leadership, but the US government and UN share most of the administrative duties.
The cult was founded by Harry J. Anslinger (also first head of the DEA), who was mainly responsible, through the successful use of propaganda, for the national and subsequently global criminalization of marijuana (globally criminalized through U.N. conventions). He was well-known for his racism and violent hatred of jazz, as well as his hypocrisy, reversing his position on the effects of marijuana from the claim that it would make you murderous to the claim that it would make you absolutely useless. This led some to conclude that he was hepped up on goofballs. Some enlightening quotes from him are below.
"Reefer makes darkies think they're as good as white men." (1929)
"There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others."
"...the primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races." (taken from his testimony to Congress)
"Marijuana is an addictive drug which produces in its users insanity, criminality, and death."
"You smoke a joint and you're likely to kill your brother."
"Marihuana leads to pacifism and communist brainwashing." (1948)
The Church of Voodoo Pharmacology continues to be well known for hypocrisy, racism, and an obsession with marijuana.
"There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others."
"...the primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races." (taken from his testimony to Congress)
"Marijuana is an addictive drug which produces in its users insanity, criminality, and death."
"You smoke a joint and you're likely to kill your brother."
"Marihuana leads to pacifism and communist brainwashing." (1948)
The Church of Voodoo Pharmacology continues to be well known for hypocrisy, racism, and an obsession with marijuana.
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology mug.The monkey is a primate, which means that it is like a person except smaller, dumber, louder, hairier, and it (in most cases) lives in trees and has a tail. Monkeys are sometimes food for the chimp, a superior animal which enjoys war, fornication, the use of primitive tools, and hooting.
"Monkey" can also be used more broadly in the sense of "ape-like creature" or to refer to a person who resembles such a creature, such as a troglodyte. This is generally an insult (rarely, referring to a silly clownish person, it is not as harsh). In any case, the monkey generally enjoys the following:
-stealing things, especially food
-hurling excrement at people (see also politician)
-comic mischief in general
-cocaine
-hooting
"Monkey" can also be used more broadly in the sense of "ape-like creature" or to refer to a person who resembles such a creature, such as a troglodyte. This is generally an insult (rarely, referring to a silly clownish person, it is not as harsh). In any case, the monkey generally enjoys the following:
-stealing things, especially food
-hurling excrement at people (see also politician)
-comic mischief in general
-cocaine
-hooting
That monkey stole half my bananas! Yesterday he stole half my melons! The day before, he had his tribe launch a volley of monkeyshit at my customers! I'll get that damn monkey!
A KKK rally is just a bunch of drunken monkeys.
Look, the monkey is making a speech again on TV! He's not very good with English, but maybe he could learn sign language like that gorilla everybody loved.
A KKK rally is just a bunch of drunken monkeys.
Look, the monkey is making a speech again on TV! He's not very good with English, but maybe he could learn sign language like that gorilla everybody loved.
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the the monkey mug.Damage to the brain, usually defined by dead brain cells which would otherwise survive, is known to be caused by several things:
-fetal alcohol syndrome
-being constantly on speed for about 3 days
-large quantities of Ecstasy (a massive overdose)
-incompetently synthesized synthetic drugs
-being constantly drunk for about 3 days
-being hit on the head reeeal hard (see child abuse)
-being raised by fundies
Many people will claim that *any* mind-altering substance causes brain damage, but since this has never been scientifically demonstrated, these people are generally ignorant. See Church of Voodoo Pharmacology (assuming the editors have accepted it).
The general result is retardation, and it can cause the victim to join the fundies or other cults. It can also cause epilepsy, which can increase the ease of acceptance in a fundie cult because many of them view seizures as divine possession.
-fetal alcohol syndrome
-being constantly on speed for about 3 days
-large quantities of Ecstasy (a massive overdose)
-incompetently synthesized synthetic drugs
-being constantly drunk for about 3 days
-being hit on the head reeeal hard (see child abuse)
-being raised by fundies
Many people will claim that *any* mind-altering substance causes brain damage, but since this has never been scientifically demonstrated, these people are generally ignorant. See Church of Voodoo Pharmacology (assuming the editors have accepted it).
The general result is retardation, and it can cause the victim to join the fundies or other cults. It can also cause epilepsy, which can increase the ease of acceptance in a fundie cult because many of them view seizures as divine possession.
Popular exponents of brain damage include Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, George W. Bush, the KKK, and Ronald Reagan. The latter was so evil that his brain attempted suicide, causing Alzheimer's disease.
by jazzriff October 14, 2005
Get the brain damage mug.Strangely, "bastardly" is not a word, but the same meaning is served by the term "dastardly." Once a serious insult, dastardly is now almost always used sarcastically. If used seriously, the speaker is most likely a nancy boy and/or fop. It is generally used in the phrase "dastardly deed(s)."
Fundie: You are the spawn of Satan! Repent and be saved!
Goth: Yep, you know me and my dastardly deeds (laughs).
Goth: Yep, you know me and my dastardly deeds (laughs).
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the dastardly mug.Completely fictional creatures invented in the 1980's by the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology. The allegation was that crack cocaine smoked by pregnant women essentially caused fetal alcohol syndrome, when in fact (as many doctors have testified), the often-freakish babies born to crack addicts were the victims of serious malnutrition (as their mothers were often very poor and/or retarded) and of course fetal alcohol syndrome.
For absurd definitions see crack baby.
For absurd definitions see crack baby.
Interviewer: Tell us about the crack baby plague which is sweeping the nation.
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
by jazzriff October 14, 2005
Get the crack babies mug.