jazzriff's definitions
Technically: a religious concept of an immortal individual conciousness, the mind superimposed on an invisible and supposedly indestructible and universal substance called "spirit."
Colloquially: authenticity, style, or passion. Used almost exclusively in expressions similar to "he's got soul," often used to refer to individual (e.g. improvisational) expression in music styles such as jazz.
Also, a harmonically simple, often syncopated, style of music made by black people such as James Brown, usually played by small groups, though occasionally involving horn sections, related to funk and rock and always having vocals. This music is claimed to embody the above characteristic.
Colloquially: authenticity, style, or passion. Used almost exclusively in expressions similar to "he's got soul," often used to refer to individual (e.g. improvisational) expression in music styles such as jazz.
Also, a harmonically simple, often syncopated, style of music made by black people such as James Brown, usually played by small groups, though occasionally involving horn sections, related to funk and rock and always having vocals. This music is claimed to embody the above characteristic.
by jazzriff September 28, 2006
Get the soul mug.Fop might as well be an acronym for Fashion-Obsessed Prick. A fop is someone who is obsessed with (and thus always wears) expensive, fancy clothes, and with appearances in general and other meaningless bullshit. Sometimes a fop's clothing and jewelry simply appears expensive and is in fact worth jack shit.
Jerry Seinfeld looked like a fucking fop when he wore that fluffy shirt in that one episode. You know the one.
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the fop mug.In fundie folklore, the lib'ral is a legendary animal of unkown origin, with supernatural powers which it uses to exclusively evil ends. Many ancient anecdotes relate the power of the lib'ral to control the minds of others, and as the legends go, this power is mainly used to distort the media's depiction of reality. How this feat is achieved is not understood, as it has often been observed that media outlets are more often owned by Republicans. According to legend, the lib'ral often enjoys using its considerable powers for the following other dastardly deeds (this is not a complete list:
-supporting terrorism
-questioning the administration
-eating babies
-legalizing drugs (oddly, these attempts have not yet been successful)
-raising taxes
-reducing average personal hygiene
-getting 10-year-olds addicted to crack
-stealing vintage automobiles, and using them to committing fornication frequently and easily
-human sacrifice
Practically any mishap or problem in the life of the Republican can and will be blamed on the lib'rals.
-supporting terrorism
-questioning the administration
-eating babies
-legalizing drugs (oddly, these attempts have not yet been successful)
-raising taxes
-reducing average personal hygiene
-getting 10-year-olds addicted to crack
-stealing vintage automobiles, and using them to committing fornication frequently and easily
-human sacrifice
Practically any mishap or problem in the life of the Republican can and will be blamed on the lib'rals.
Pete: You seen that news report today on (insert channel here)?
Jerry: It almost made them Muslims look like human beings! Damn them lib'rals in the media!
Vern: Dang, Joe-Bob, someone done run off with mah wife, my hounds and mah penis enlarger pump!
Joe-Bob: It's them lib'rals at work again!
Jerry: It almost made them Muslims look like human beings! Damn them lib'rals in the media!
Vern: Dang, Joe-Bob, someone done run off with mah wife, my hounds and mah penis enlarger pump!
Joe-Bob: It's them lib'rals at work again!
by jazzriff October 16, 2005
Get the lib'rals mug.The fundamentalists, also known as fundies or by their Latin classification Homo Phobius, are a subspecies of humanity distinguished by their phobia (simultaneous fear and hatred) of most people who differ from them in any way, based on their extreme religious conviction.
The threat of eternal physical torture in the mythical flaming demon zoo known as "Hell" is the fundies' primary method of insulting others. They base this conviction on millenia-old books of badly-written tribal customs, myths and genealogy which have been mistranslated many times by other fundies. In the case of the Muslim fundie, these books are contained in the Koran, while the Christian fundie worships the Bible.
The brain of the "Christian" fundie, while generally underdeveloped and often host of outlandish delusions, has a large capacity for memorization of Bible verses (or in the case of the Islamic fundie, Koran verses), often in the Shakespearian English of the King James Version, as this is less easily understood, and thus more easily twisted into the basic fundie message, which is "hate thy neighbor." Fundies, however, occasionally use the euphemism "love thy neighbor" (a rare example of non-literal fundie language) to convey the same idea.
Fundie dogma, along with what has already been mentioned, includes the concepts that differences between individuals, differences often so insignificant as to be unnoticeable without spying, should be the basis for undying hatred of those who possess any of these horrible differences, and for their condemnation to eternal Hellfire. This philosophy is also known as bigotry or douchebaggery. This is based on their occasional cursory reading of the above-mentioned texts combined with their lack of ability to understand the concepts of metaphor, sarcasm or any type of humor whatsoever. Often the fundie will not in fact read the "holy" texts, but will simply memorize the passages which other fundies recite. This is a common behavior pattern of the fundie, since, along with being often illiterate, they are incapable of logical thought, and thus cannot develop any individual opinions on the meaning of these texts.
A short list of those who are often considered by the fundie to be inferior follows:
-atheists
-agnostics
-Muslims according to Christian fundies, and Christians according to Muslim fundies
-HOMOSEXUALS (this is generally the most important enemy of the fundie)
-people who have sex before marriage
-people who are not white
-members of any cult other than that of the fundie in question
-immigrants
-liberals (in the sense of "Democrats" as well as the sense of people who think independently, and/or support any less strict form of government than theocratic fascism, and/or in any way support the concepts of peace, love, or tolerance, as espoused by the Christian fundie's supposed idol, Jesus Christ.)
-people who read or mention parts of the scriptures which endorse liberal blasphemies such as tolerance
-every subculture except their own (e.g. punks, Goths, both of which are known in fundie dialect as "Satanists")
-users of any mind-altering drug except pharmaceuticals and caffeine (and depending on the particular cult, tobacco and alcohol are sometimes accepted)
-married couples who do not always have sex in the missionary position
Despite the similarity in names, fundies despise all forms of fun (such as sex, drug use, movies, dancing, and non-gospel music), considering them to be Satanic.
A short list of fundie cults follows:
-White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan
-Liberty University (despite the name, the members of this cult have a special hatred for liberty, since it is valued by liberals)
-Bob Jones University (for all practical purposes identical with Liberty University)
-Al Qaeda (Islamic)
-the Baptist church
-Pentecostalism (one of the main rituals of this cult involves feigning an epileptic fit while babbling incomprehensbily, which oddly is seen as a sign of holiness and purity)
Though their philosophy would in most places condemn them to be homeless pariahs, in the Southern United States many fundies have found work as preachers and other types of demagagogues (such as politicians). Though fundies for the most part lack any practical skills by fault of their underdeveloped and hate-flooded brains, the ability to convince people that other types of people are not human, but in fact demons sent by Satan, is a valued and respected skill in fundie culture. Abbreviated examples of this ability, often based on the misinterpretation of statistics, are below.
The threat of eternal physical torture in the mythical flaming demon zoo known as "Hell" is the fundies' primary method of insulting others. They base this conviction on millenia-old books of badly-written tribal customs, myths and genealogy which have been mistranslated many times by other fundies. In the case of the Muslim fundie, these books are contained in the Koran, while the Christian fundie worships the Bible.
The brain of the "Christian" fundie, while generally underdeveloped and often host of outlandish delusions, has a large capacity for memorization of Bible verses (or in the case of the Islamic fundie, Koran verses), often in the Shakespearian English of the King James Version, as this is less easily understood, and thus more easily twisted into the basic fundie message, which is "hate thy neighbor." Fundies, however, occasionally use the euphemism "love thy neighbor" (a rare example of non-literal fundie language) to convey the same idea.
Fundie dogma, along with what has already been mentioned, includes the concepts that differences between individuals, differences often so insignificant as to be unnoticeable without spying, should be the basis for undying hatred of those who possess any of these horrible differences, and for their condemnation to eternal Hellfire. This philosophy is also known as bigotry or douchebaggery. This is based on their occasional cursory reading of the above-mentioned texts combined with their lack of ability to understand the concepts of metaphor, sarcasm or any type of humor whatsoever. Often the fundie will not in fact read the "holy" texts, but will simply memorize the passages which other fundies recite. This is a common behavior pattern of the fundie, since, along with being often illiterate, they are incapable of logical thought, and thus cannot develop any individual opinions on the meaning of these texts.
A short list of those who are often considered by the fundie to be inferior follows:
-atheists
-agnostics
-Muslims according to Christian fundies, and Christians according to Muslim fundies
-HOMOSEXUALS (this is generally the most important enemy of the fundie)
-people who have sex before marriage
-people who are not white
-members of any cult other than that of the fundie in question
-immigrants
-liberals (in the sense of "Democrats" as well as the sense of people who think independently, and/or support any less strict form of government than theocratic fascism, and/or in any way support the concepts of peace, love, or tolerance, as espoused by the Christian fundie's supposed idol, Jesus Christ.)
-people who read or mention parts of the scriptures which endorse liberal blasphemies such as tolerance
-every subculture except their own (e.g. punks, Goths, both of which are known in fundie dialect as "Satanists")
-users of any mind-altering drug except pharmaceuticals and caffeine (and depending on the particular cult, tobacco and alcohol are sometimes accepted)
-married couples who do not always have sex in the missionary position
Despite the similarity in names, fundies despise all forms of fun (such as sex, drug use, movies, dancing, and non-gospel music), considering them to be Satanic.
A short list of fundie cults follows:
-White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan
-Liberty University (despite the name, the members of this cult have a special hatred for liberty, since it is valued by liberals)
-Bob Jones University (for all practical purposes identical with Liberty University)
-Al Qaeda (Islamic)
-the Baptist church
-Pentecostalism (one of the main rituals of this cult involves feigning an epileptic fit while babbling incomprehensbily, which oddly is seen as a sign of holiness and purity)
Though their philosophy would in most places condemn them to be homeless pariahs, in the Southern United States many fundies have found work as preachers and other types of demagagogues (such as politicians). Though fundies for the most part lack any practical skills by fault of their underdeveloped and hate-flooded brains, the ability to convince people that other types of people are not human, but in fact demons sent by Satan, is a valued and respected skill in fundie culture. Abbreviated examples of this ability, often based on the misinterpretation of statistics, are below.
Fact:Black people are arrested, convicted and incarcerated at dramatically higher rates than white people in the U.S.
Standard interpretation: racism is systemic, and/or cops often make mass arrests in black ghettoes.
Fundie (or "psychotic") interpretation: The nigger is a violent and inferior lifeform! They will all burn in hell! We must bring back segregation to protect ourselves!
Fact: Fossil evidence suggests that species evolved over millions of years. As this is scientific evidence, many intellectuals (for example liberals) accept it as fact.
Fundie (or "schizophrenic") interpretation: The Bible does not mention evolution! Therefore the Devil planted the fossil record! The liberals believe the fossil record, therefore they are servants of Satan! The liberals are not people! They must be assimilated!
Standard interpretation: racism is systemic, and/or cops often make mass arrests in black ghettoes.
Fundie (or "psychotic") interpretation: The nigger is a violent and inferior lifeform! They will all burn in hell! We must bring back segregation to protect ourselves!
Fact: Fossil evidence suggests that species evolved over millions of years. As this is scientific evidence, many intellectuals (for example liberals) accept it as fact.
Fundie (or "schizophrenic") interpretation: The Bible does not mention evolution! Therefore the Devil planted the fossil record! The liberals believe the fossil record, therefore they are servants of Satan! The liberals are not people! They must be assimilated!
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the fundie mug.Trolling is the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet, generally on message boards. When done in a moderated internet community, this can result in banning. When done to uptight people such as fundies, this can result in hilarity.
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the trolling mug.Technical (boring) definition: Jazz is a now-unpopular genre of music, encompassing several distinct styles, developed for the most part by black men in American cities over the course of the 20th century. Jazz in general is characterized by the following:
-improvised solos (though they can also be written out beforehand, and, especially when recorded, are often somewhat planned out)
-a rhythm section consisting of bass, drums, piano and sometimes guitar
-syncopation
-bass lines which are improvised to fit the chords, usually with one note on every downbeat, and which rarely, if ever, stop
-an uneven style of playing eighth notes so that the downbeat lasts roughly twice as long as the upbeat (this is known as "swing" eight notes)
-extended chords (7th, 9th, 11th, and 13th chords) as pioneered by 19th century composers in the classical "impressionist" movement
-4/4 time
-the common lack of vocals
-2 common song forms: the traditional 32-bar AABA song form, and the 12-bar blues form
Colloquial (less boring) definitions:
“Jazz,” originally a noun used mainly in Harlem in the beginning of the 20th century to mean “sexual intercourse,” is also used as a verb in the phrase “to jazz (something) up,” meaning to add style, individuality, soul, or passion to something.
"If haven't figured it out by now, you'll never know."
-Louis Armstrong
"The say music speaks louder than words, so I'll just let the music speak for itself."
-Charlie Parker
-improvised solos (though they can also be written out beforehand, and, especially when recorded, are often somewhat planned out)
-a rhythm section consisting of bass, drums, piano and sometimes guitar
-syncopation
-bass lines which are improvised to fit the chords, usually with one note on every downbeat, and which rarely, if ever, stop
-an uneven style of playing eighth notes so that the downbeat lasts roughly twice as long as the upbeat (this is known as "swing" eight notes)
-extended chords (7th, 9th, 11th, and 13th chords) as pioneered by 19th century composers in the classical "impressionist" movement
-4/4 time
-the common lack of vocals
-2 common song forms: the traditional 32-bar AABA song form, and the 12-bar blues form
Colloquial (less boring) definitions:
“Jazz,” originally a noun used mainly in Harlem in the beginning of the 20th century to mean “sexual intercourse,” is also used as a verb in the phrase “to jazz (something) up,” meaning to add style, individuality, soul, or passion to something.
"If haven't figured it out by now, you'll never know."
-Louis Armstrong
"The say music speaks louder than words, so I'll just let the music speak for itself."
-Charlie Parker
by jazzriff October 10, 2005
Get the jazz mug.A completely fictional creature invented in the 1980's by the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology. The allegation was that crack cocaine smoked by pregnant women essentially caused fetal alcohol syndrome, when in fact (as many doctors have testified), the often-freakish babies born to crack addicts were the victims of serious malnutrition (as their mothers were often very poor and/or retarded) and of course fetal alcohol syndrome.
Interviewer: Tell us about the crack baby plague which is sweeping the nation.
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the crack baby mug.