jazzriff's definitions
Completely fictional creatures invented in the 1980's by the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology. The allegation was that crack cocaine smoked by pregnant women essentially caused fetal alcohol syndrome, when in fact (as many doctors have testified), the often-freakish babies born to crack addicts were the victims of serious malnutrition (as their mothers were often very poor and/or retarded) and of course fetal alcohol syndrome.
For absurd definitions see crack baby.
For absurd definitions see crack baby.
Interviewer: Tell us about the crack baby plague which is sweeping the nation.
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
by jazzriff October 14, 2005
Get the crack babiesmug. The fundamentalists, also known as fundies or by their Latin classification Homo Phobius, are a subspecies of humanity distinguished by their phobia (simultaneous fear and hatred) of most people who differ from them in any way, based on their extreme religious conviction.
The threat of eternal physical torture in the mythical flaming demon zoo known as "Hell" is the fundies' primary method of insulting others. They base this conviction on millenia-old books of badly-written tribal customs, myths and genealogy which have been mistranslated many times by other fundies. In the case of the Muslim fundie, these books are contained in the Koran, while the Christian fundie worships the Bible.
The brain of the "Christian" fundie, while generally underdeveloped and often host of outlandish delusions, has a large capacity for memorization of Bible verses (or in the case of the Islamic fundie, Koran verses), often in the Shakespearian English of the King James Version, as this is less easily understood, and thus more easily twisted into the basic fundie message, which is "hate thy neighbor." Fundies, however, occasionally use the euphemism "love thy neighbor" (a rare example of non-literal fundie language) to convey the same idea.
Fundie dogma, along with what has already been mentioned, includes the concepts that differences between individuals, differences often so insignificant as to be unnoticeable without spying, should be the basis for undying hatred of those who possess any of these horrible differences, and for their condemnation to eternal Hellfire. This philosophy is also known as bigotry or douchebaggery. This is based on their occasional cursory reading of the above-mentioned texts combined with their lack of ability to understand the concepts of metaphor, sarcasm or any type of humor whatsoever. Often the fundie will not in fact read the "holy" texts, but will simply memorize the passages which other fundies recite. This is a common behavior pattern of the fundie, since, along with being often illiterate, they are incapable of logical thought, and thus cannot develop any individual opinions on the meaning of these texts.
A short list of those who are often considered by the fundie to be inferior follows:
-atheists
-agnostics
-Muslims according to Christian fundies, and Christians according to Muslim fundies
-HOMOSEXUALS (this is generally the most important enemy of the fundie)
-people who have sex before marriage
-people who are not white
-members of any cult other than that of the fundie in question
-immigrants
-liberals (in the sense of "Democrats" as well as the sense of people who think independently, and/or support any less strict form of government than theocratic fascism, and/or in any way support the concepts of peace, love, or tolerance, as espoused by the Christian fundie's supposed idol, Jesus Christ.)
-people who read or mention parts of the scriptures which endorse liberal blasphemies such as tolerance
-every subculture except their own (e.g. punks, Goths, both of which are known in fundie dialect as "Satanists")
-users of any mind-altering drug except pharmaceuticals and caffeine (and depending on the particular cult, tobacco and alcohol are sometimes accepted)
-married couples who do not always have sex in the missionary position
Despite the similarity in names, fundies despise all forms of fun (such as sex, drug use, movies, dancing, and non-gospel music), considering them to be Satanic.
A short list of fundie cults follows:
-White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan
-Liberty University (despite the name, the members of this cult have a special hatred for liberty, since it is valued by liberals)
-Bob Jones University (for all practical purposes identical with Liberty University)
-Al Qaeda (Islamic)
-the Baptist church
-Pentecostalism (one of the main rituals of this cult involves feigning an epileptic fit while babbling incomprehensbily, which oddly is seen as a sign of holiness and purity)
Though their philosophy would in most places condemn them to be homeless pariahs, in the Southern United States many fundies have found work as preachers and other types of demagagogues (such as politicians). Though fundies for the most part lack any practical skills by fault of their underdeveloped and hate-flooded brains, the ability to convince people that other types of people are not human, but in fact demons sent by Satan, is a valued and respected skill in fundie culture. Abbreviated examples of this ability, often based on the misinterpretation of statistics, are below.
The threat of eternal physical torture in the mythical flaming demon zoo known as "Hell" is the fundies' primary method of insulting others. They base this conviction on millenia-old books of badly-written tribal customs, myths and genealogy which have been mistranslated many times by other fundies. In the case of the Muslim fundie, these books are contained in the Koran, while the Christian fundie worships the Bible.
The brain of the "Christian" fundie, while generally underdeveloped and often host of outlandish delusions, has a large capacity for memorization of Bible verses (or in the case of the Islamic fundie, Koran verses), often in the Shakespearian English of the King James Version, as this is less easily understood, and thus more easily twisted into the basic fundie message, which is "hate thy neighbor." Fundies, however, occasionally use the euphemism "love thy neighbor" (a rare example of non-literal fundie language) to convey the same idea.
Fundie dogma, along with what has already been mentioned, includes the concepts that differences between individuals, differences often so insignificant as to be unnoticeable without spying, should be the basis for undying hatred of those who possess any of these horrible differences, and for their condemnation to eternal Hellfire. This philosophy is also known as bigotry or douchebaggery. This is based on their occasional cursory reading of the above-mentioned texts combined with their lack of ability to understand the concepts of metaphor, sarcasm or any type of humor whatsoever. Often the fundie will not in fact read the "holy" texts, but will simply memorize the passages which other fundies recite. This is a common behavior pattern of the fundie, since, along with being often illiterate, they are incapable of logical thought, and thus cannot develop any individual opinions on the meaning of these texts.
A short list of those who are often considered by the fundie to be inferior follows:
-atheists
-agnostics
-Muslims according to Christian fundies, and Christians according to Muslim fundies
-HOMOSEXUALS (this is generally the most important enemy of the fundie)
-people who have sex before marriage
-people who are not white
-members of any cult other than that of the fundie in question
-immigrants
-liberals (in the sense of "Democrats" as well as the sense of people who think independently, and/or support any less strict form of government than theocratic fascism, and/or in any way support the concepts of peace, love, or tolerance, as espoused by the Christian fundie's supposed idol, Jesus Christ.)
-people who read or mention parts of the scriptures which endorse liberal blasphemies such as tolerance
-every subculture except their own (e.g. punks, Goths, both of which are known in fundie dialect as "Satanists")
-users of any mind-altering drug except pharmaceuticals and caffeine (and depending on the particular cult, tobacco and alcohol are sometimes accepted)
-married couples who do not always have sex in the missionary position
Despite the similarity in names, fundies despise all forms of fun (such as sex, drug use, movies, dancing, and non-gospel music), considering them to be Satanic.
A short list of fundie cults follows:
-White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan
-Liberty University (despite the name, the members of this cult have a special hatred for liberty, since it is valued by liberals)
-Bob Jones University (for all practical purposes identical with Liberty University)
-Al Qaeda (Islamic)
-the Baptist church
-Pentecostalism (one of the main rituals of this cult involves feigning an epileptic fit while babbling incomprehensbily, which oddly is seen as a sign of holiness and purity)
Though their philosophy would in most places condemn them to be homeless pariahs, in the Southern United States many fundies have found work as preachers and other types of demagagogues (such as politicians). Though fundies for the most part lack any practical skills by fault of their underdeveloped and hate-flooded brains, the ability to convince people that other types of people are not human, but in fact demons sent by Satan, is a valued and respected skill in fundie culture. Abbreviated examples of this ability, often based on the misinterpretation of statistics, are below.
Fact:Black people are arrested, convicted and incarcerated at dramatically higher rates than white people in the U.S.
Standard interpretation: racism is systemic, and/or cops often make mass arrests in black ghettoes.
Fundie (or "psychotic") interpretation: The nigger is a violent and inferior lifeform! They will all burn in hell! We must bring back segregation to protect ourselves!
Fact: Fossil evidence suggests that species evolved over millions of years. As this is scientific evidence, many intellectuals (for example liberals) accept it as fact.
Fundie (or "schizophrenic") interpretation: The Bible does not mention evolution! Therefore the Devil planted the fossil record! The liberals believe the fossil record, therefore they are servants of Satan! The liberals are not people! They must be assimilated!
Standard interpretation: racism is systemic, and/or cops often make mass arrests in black ghettoes.
Fundie (or "psychotic") interpretation: The nigger is a violent and inferior lifeform! They will all burn in hell! We must bring back segregation to protect ourselves!
Fact: Fossil evidence suggests that species evolved over millions of years. As this is scientific evidence, many intellectuals (for example liberals) accept it as fact.
Fundie (or "schizophrenic") interpretation: The Bible does not mention evolution! Therefore the Devil planted the fossil record! The liberals believe the fossil record, therefore they are servants of Satan! The liberals are not people! They must be assimilated!
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the fundiemug. "Goth" or "Gothic" refers to many things.
1) (Original meaning) The Goths were a tribe of what we would now call Germans, who, despite the Romans' constant efforts to steal their land, pwned Rome old-school back in the day; this led to the fall of the Roman empire. They were known for having beards, thus the term "barbarian" (as "barbarus" is Latin for beard). They were also known to be "uncivilized;" for example, they did not have walls, and had no significant military technology or battle strategy, yet often crushed the Romans with vicious charging attacks.
2)An angular and high-ceilinged style of architecture (known as "gothic") created during the Middle Ages which was derided as "gothic" in the sense of "barbaric" by pretentious Renaissance types who had bad taste in architecture. Most remaining gothic buildings are churches.
3)Goth is a subculture consisting of people known as "goths."
4)A Goth is a member of the above-mentioned subculture, who often (though not necessarily always) wears Goth clothing and may or may not listen to Goth music. Goths are generally atheists, often intellectual, and for the most part are not interested in mainstream music or mainstream values (such as materialism). Goth clothing is all generally black, but other than this Goth fashion varies. It generally does not include things such as t-shirts, sneakers or shorts, and can include any of the following:
-metal chains
-large black boots
-Victorian-style dresses (usually black)
-corsets
-black eye makeup
-leather
-studded or spiked belts
-various accesories involved in BDSM
-unusual hairstyles
5)Goth is a broad term for types of music, which though having no very specific definition (as practically no one calls their music "Goth music"), are generally rock which resembles metal (in both sound and instrumentation) and sometimes industrial rock (e.g. Nine Inch Nails). It tends to be dark both musically and thematically, particularly in relation to mainstream pop music. The main difference between Goth music and metal is that Goths listen to and play Goth music and metalheads listen to metal and often dislike Goths. Also, Goth music is less likely to have guitar solos and more likely to have female vocalists. Some music is however referred to as Goth metal, e.g. Lacuna Coil and Type O Negative.
Marilyn Manson's music can be referred to as Goth, but then, many people would consider that statement personally insulting. The band Evanescence is also sometimes called Goth, but many Goths also find this claim insulting due to a perceived similarity between and Evanescence and a nu-metal band called Linkin Park, whose music is complete shit.
6)"Goth" can be used as an insult by fools, much in the same way that punk is used by douches as an insult to people who openly call themselves punks.
1) (Original meaning) The Goths were a tribe of what we would now call Germans, who, despite the Romans' constant efforts to steal their land, pwned Rome old-school back in the day; this led to the fall of the Roman empire. They were known for having beards, thus the term "barbarian" (as "barbarus" is Latin for beard). They were also known to be "uncivilized;" for example, they did not have walls, and had no significant military technology or battle strategy, yet often crushed the Romans with vicious charging attacks.
2)An angular and high-ceilinged style of architecture (known as "gothic") created during the Middle Ages which was derided as "gothic" in the sense of "barbaric" by pretentious Renaissance types who had bad taste in architecture. Most remaining gothic buildings are churches.
3)Goth is a subculture consisting of people known as "goths."
4)A Goth is a member of the above-mentioned subculture, who often (though not necessarily always) wears Goth clothing and may or may not listen to Goth music. Goths are generally atheists, often intellectual, and for the most part are not interested in mainstream music or mainstream values (such as materialism). Goth clothing is all generally black, but other than this Goth fashion varies. It generally does not include things such as t-shirts, sneakers or shorts, and can include any of the following:
-metal chains
-large black boots
-Victorian-style dresses (usually black)
-corsets
-black eye makeup
-leather
-studded or spiked belts
-various accesories involved in BDSM
-unusual hairstyles
5)Goth is a broad term for types of music, which though having no very specific definition (as practically no one calls their music "Goth music"), are generally rock which resembles metal (in both sound and instrumentation) and sometimes industrial rock (e.g. Nine Inch Nails). It tends to be dark both musically and thematically, particularly in relation to mainstream pop music. The main difference between Goth music and metal is that Goths listen to and play Goth music and metalheads listen to metal and often dislike Goths. Also, Goth music is less likely to have guitar solos and more likely to have female vocalists. Some music is however referred to as Goth metal, e.g. Lacuna Coil and Type O Negative.
Marilyn Manson's music can be referred to as Goth, but then, many people would consider that statement personally insulting. The band Evanescence is also sometimes called Goth, but many Goths also find this claim insulting due to a perceived similarity between and Evanescence and a nu-metal band called Linkin Park, whose music is complete shit.
6)"Goth" can be used as an insult by fools, much in the same way that punk is used by douches as an insult to people who openly call themselves punks.
"Why would anyone love a punked-out Goth freak?" -Britney Spears, referring to Amy Lee of Evanescence
"That building is so flagrantly Gothic! Well, I never! Architecture has just gone downhill since the Romans, don't you agree, Jeeves?"
"That building is so flagrantly Gothic! Well, I never! Architecture has just gone downhill since the Romans, don't you agree, Jeeves?"
by jazzriff October 10, 2005
Get the Gothmug. The PDFA or "Partnership for a Drug-Free America" is a neo-fascist propaganda organization who advocates the elimination of all illegal drug use, using retarded television ads which the U.S. government has repeatedly proven to be completely ineffective. It is well known for comparing all illegal drug users to terrorists through the retard-logic that since some terrorists make money by selling drugs (mainly opium and heroin), any illegal drug user is a proud sponsor of terrorism. By this logic, those who buy gasoline and diamonds should also be demonized and imprisoned, as these are also large sources of income for terrorists. Other ads of theirs make the same hilarious and flagrantly false claims as early 1920's reefer madness films, namely that marijuana will transform you into a murderer and/or rapist and/or teenage whore.
As their name implies, the PDFA support a historically unprecedented goal, the "drug-free society." This qualifies them as loonies. The fact that their ads have no effect whatsoever leads them to ask for more money to put out more of the same ads. This is known as insanity.
The PDFA, a part of the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology, is a subset of the philosophical movement douchebaggery.
In the tradition of bigotry, the PDFA for many years were obvious hypocrites, accepting large sums money from alcohol, tobacco and pharmaceutical companies (presumably in the interests of reducing the competition in the market for mind-altering substances).
As their name implies, the PDFA support a historically unprecedented goal, the "drug-free society." This qualifies them as loonies. The fact that their ads have no effect whatsoever leads them to ask for more money to put out more of the same ads. This is known as insanity.
The PDFA, a part of the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology, is a subset of the philosophical movement douchebaggery.
In the tradition of bigotry, the PDFA for many years were obvious hypocrites, accepting large sums money from alcohol, tobacco and pharmaceutical companies (presumably in the interests of reducing the competition in the market for mind-altering substances).
PDFA (in complete seriousness): If you smoke a joint, you will by definition find a loaded, cocked gun in your desk and shoot the next person you see. Or, you will run over a small child while driving your car through a fast-food drive-thru and simultaneously smoking marijuana in broad daylight. Or, you will get AIDS.
Stoner: OMG man this shit is fucking hilarious! (*takes hits from the bong*) They should put this stuff on DVD!
Stoner: OMG man this shit is fucking hilarious! (*takes hits from the bong*) They should put this stuff on DVD!
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the PDFAmug. The ONDCP, or Office of National Drug Control Policy, is a hate group and propaganda organization similar to the PDFA, except that it is a part of the U.S. government and thus gets massive taxpayer funding. They advocate the same things as the PDFA, including the parenting tactic of spying on your kids. There is so much similarity between the PDFA and the ONDCP that there are very few people alive who can tell the difference anymore. I am not one of these people; thus anything on the PDFA page is probably true of the ONDCP as well (and not necessarily true of the PDFA, but probably). They are part of the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology, the same cult as the PDFA and DEA.
ONDCP: Calling drug users terrorists isn't working! We blame the terrorists and the liberals! Give us more money to do the same thing louder and more frequently!
U.S. government: That'll show them pro-drug types!
U.S. government: That'll show them pro-drug types!
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the ONDCPmug. This refers to brain damage (in the form of permanent retardation) caused by a fetus being exposed to alcohol via the alcoholism of the mother. This is not to be confused with child abuse, which can also cause retardation and brain damage and be caused by alchoholism, but which involves children, which are alive, rather than fetuses, which are not fully alive, and thus inferior. Also not to be confused with the similar concepts of "crack babies" or "meth babies," which are completely unsubstantiated (and widely denounced, by those professionals who study such things) allegations propagated by the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology.
The phrase can be used as an explanation for unusually retarded behavior. See alcohol in the blood surrogate.
The phrase can be used as an explanation for unusually retarded behavior. See alcohol in the blood surrogate.
by jazzriff October 14, 2005
Get the fetal alcohol syndromemug. Fop might as well be an acronym for Fashion-Obsessed Prick. A fop is someone who is obsessed with (and thus always wears) expensive, fancy clothes, and with appearances in general and other meaningless bullshit. Sometimes a fop's clothing and jewelry simply appears expensive and is in fact worth jack shit.
Jerry Seinfeld looked like a fucking fop when he wore that fluffy shirt in that one episode. You know the one.
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the fopmug.