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The Church of Voodoo Pharmacology is a popular and global cult which holds the paranoid belief that all scientific studies regarding illegal drugs are liberal conspiracies and thus completely false, and that all illegal drugs are without exception Satanic, immoral, life-ruining, addictive, and deadly. The actions of this cult are oriented towards demonizing and incarcerating all illegal drug users, and in some cases removing them from the earth in some type of Holocaust (see Rush Limbaugh). They strongly and unquestionably support the war on drugs. The official term for all those who disagree with them in any way is "pro-drug."
Many organizations are involved in this cult, including the PDFA, ONDCP, DEA, UN, Republicans, and various pharmaceutical companies, as well as almost all fundie groups. The cult has no official leadership, but the US government and UN share most of the administrative duties.
The cult was founded by Harry J. Anslinger (also first head of the DEA), who was mainly responsible, through the successful use of propaganda, for the national and subsequently global criminalization of marijuana (globally criminalized through U.N. conventions). He was well-known for his racism and violent hatred of jazz, as well as his hypocrisy, reversing his position on the effects of marijuana from the claim that it would make you murderous to the claim that it would make you absolutely useless. This led some to conclude that he was hepped up on goofballs. Some enlightening quotes from him are below.
Many organizations are involved in this cult, including the PDFA, ONDCP, DEA, UN, Republicans, and various pharmaceutical companies, as well as almost all fundie groups. The cult has no official leadership, but the US government and UN share most of the administrative duties.
The cult was founded by Harry J. Anslinger (also first head of the DEA), who was mainly responsible, through the successful use of propaganda, for the national and subsequently global criminalization of marijuana (globally criminalized through U.N. conventions). He was well-known for his racism and violent hatred of jazz, as well as his hypocrisy, reversing his position on the effects of marijuana from the claim that it would make you murderous to the claim that it would make you absolutely useless. This led some to conclude that he was hepped up on goofballs. Some enlightening quotes from him are below.
"Reefer makes darkies think they're as good as white men." (1929)
"There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others."
"...the primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races." (taken from his testimony to Congress)
"Marijuana is an addictive drug which produces in its users insanity, criminality, and death."
"You smoke a joint and you're likely to kill your brother."
"Marihuana leads to pacifism and communist brainwashing." (1948)
The Church of Voodoo Pharmacology continues to be well known for hypocrisy, racism, and an obsession with marijuana.
"There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others."
"...the primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races." (taken from his testimony to Congress)
"Marijuana is an addictive drug which produces in its users insanity, criminality, and death."
"You smoke a joint and you're likely to kill your brother."
"Marihuana leads to pacifism and communist brainwashing." (1948)
The Church of Voodoo Pharmacology continues to be well known for hypocrisy, racism, and an obsession with marijuana.
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology mug.Completely fictional creatures invented in the 1980's by the Church of Voodoo Pharmacology. The allegation was that crack cocaine smoked by pregnant women essentially caused fetal alcohol syndrome, when in fact (as many doctors have testified), the often-freakish babies born to crack addicts were the victims of serious malnutrition (as their mothers were often very poor and/or retarded) and of course fetal alcohol syndrome.
For absurd definitions see crack baby.
For absurd definitions see crack baby.
Interviewer: Tell us about the crack baby plague which is sweeping the nation.
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
Doctor: Actually, on examining these "crack babies," I find that their mothers were almost always alcholics and chain-smokers who were seriously malnourished during pregnancy. Any fetus would be extremely lucky to end up normal in that situation, with or without cocaine.
Interviewer: No, you're not getting the concept. We want to know about the *plague* of *crack babies*. If you won't cooperate we'll just interview someone else.
(true story, paraphrased)
by jazzriff October 14, 2005
Get the crack babies mug.The fundamentalists, also known as fundies or by their Latin classification Homo Phobius, are a subspecies of humanity distinguished by their phobia (simultaneous fear and hatred) of most people who differ from them in any way, based on their extreme religious conviction.
The threat of eternal physical torture in the mythical flaming demon zoo known as "Hell" is the fundies' primary method of insulting others. They base this conviction on millenia-old books of badly-written tribal customs, myths and genealogy which have been mistranslated many times by other fundies. In the case of the Muslim fundie, these books are contained in the Koran, while the Christian fundie worships the Bible.
The brain of the "Christian" fundie, while generally underdeveloped and often host of outlandish delusions, has a large capacity for memorization of Bible verses (or in the case of the Islamic fundie, Koran verses), often in the Shakespearian English of the King James Version, as this is less easily understood, and thus more easily twisted into the basic fundie message, which is "hate thy neighbor." Fundies, however, occasionally use the euphemism "love thy neighbor" (a rare example of non-literal fundie language) to convey the same idea.
Fundie dogma, along with what has already been mentioned, includes the concepts that differences between individuals, differences often so insignificant as to be unnoticeable without spying, should be the basis for undying hatred of those who possess any of these horrible differences, and for their condemnation to eternal Hellfire. This philosophy is also known as bigotry or douchebaggery. This is based on their occasional cursory reading of the above-mentioned texts combined with their lack of ability to understand the concepts of metaphor, sarcasm or any type of humor whatsoever. Often the fundie will not in fact read the "holy" texts, but will simply memorize the passages which other fundies recite. This is a common behavior pattern of the fundie, since, along with being often illiterate, they are incapable of logical thought, and thus cannot develop any individual opinions on the meaning of these texts.
A short list of those who are often considered by the fundie to be inferior follows:
-atheists
-agnostics
-Muslims according to Christian fundies, and Christians according to Muslim fundies
-HOMOSEXUALS (this is generally the most important enemy of the fundie)
-people who have sex before marriage
-people who are not white
-members of any cult other than that of the fundie in question
-immigrants
-liberals (in the sense of "Democrats" as well as the sense of people who think independently, and/or support any less strict form of government than theocratic fascism, and/or in any way support the concepts of peace, love, or tolerance, as espoused by the Christian fundie's supposed idol, Jesus Christ.)
-people who read or mention parts of the scriptures which endorse liberal blasphemies such as tolerance
-every subculture except their own (e.g. punks, Goths, both of which are known in fundie dialect as "Satanists")
-users of any mind-altering drug except pharmaceuticals and caffeine (and depending on the particular cult, tobacco and alcohol are sometimes accepted)
-married couples who do not always have sex in the missionary position
Despite the similarity in names, fundies despise all forms of fun (such as sex, drug use, movies, dancing, and non-gospel music), considering them to be Satanic.
A short list of fundie cults follows:
-White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan
-Liberty University (despite the name, the members of this cult have a special hatred for liberty, since it is valued by liberals)
-Bob Jones University (for all practical purposes identical with Liberty University)
-Al Qaeda (Islamic)
-the Baptist church
-Pentecostalism (one of the main rituals of this cult involves feigning an epileptic fit while babbling incomprehensbily, which oddly is seen as a sign of holiness and purity)
Though their philosophy would in most places condemn them to be homeless pariahs, in the Southern United States many fundies have found work as preachers and other types of demagagogues (such as politicians). Though fundies for the most part lack any practical skills by fault of their underdeveloped and hate-flooded brains, the ability to convince people that other types of people are not human, but in fact demons sent by Satan, is a valued and respected skill in fundie culture. Abbreviated examples of this ability, often based on the misinterpretation of statistics, are below.
The threat of eternal physical torture in the mythical flaming demon zoo known as "Hell" is the fundies' primary method of insulting others. They base this conviction on millenia-old books of badly-written tribal customs, myths and genealogy which have been mistranslated many times by other fundies. In the case of the Muslim fundie, these books are contained in the Koran, while the Christian fundie worships the Bible.
The brain of the "Christian" fundie, while generally underdeveloped and often host of outlandish delusions, has a large capacity for memorization of Bible verses (or in the case of the Islamic fundie, Koran verses), often in the Shakespearian English of the King James Version, as this is less easily understood, and thus more easily twisted into the basic fundie message, which is "hate thy neighbor." Fundies, however, occasionally use the euphemism "love thy neighbor" (a rare example of non-literal fundie language) to convey the same idea.
Fundie dogma, along with what has already been mentioned, includes the concepts that differences between individuals, differences often so insignificant as to be unnoticeable without spying, should be the basis for undying hatred of those who possess any of these horrible differences, and for their condemnation to eternal Hellfire. This philosophy is also known as bigotry or douchebaggery. This is based on their occasional cursory reading of the above-mentioned texts combined with their lack of ability to understand the concepts of metaphor, sarcasm or any type of humor whatsoever. Often the fundie will not in fact read the "holy" texts, but will simply memorize the passages which other fundies recite. This is a common behavior pattern of the fundie, since, along with being often illiterate, they are incapable of logical thought, and thus cannot develop any individual opinions on the meaning of these texts.
A short list of those who are often considered by the fundie to be inferior follows:
-atheists
-agnostics
-Muslims according to Christian fundies, and Christians according to Muslim fundies
-HOMOSEXUALS (this is generally the most important enemy of the fundie)
-people who have sex before marriage
-people who are not white
-members of any cult other than that of the fundie in question
-immigrants
-liberals (in the sense of "Democrats" as well as the sense of people who think independently, and/or support any less strict form of government than theocratic fascism, and/or in any way support the concepts of peace, love, or tolerance, as espoused by the Christian fundie's supposed idol, Jesus Christ.)
-people who read or mention parts of the scriptures which endorse liberal blasphemies such as tolerance
-every subculture except their own (e.g. punks, Goths, both of which are known in fundie dialect as "Satanists")
-users of any mind-altering drug except pharmaceuticals and caffeine (and depending on the particular cult, tobacco and alcohol are sometimes accepted)
-married couples who do not always have sex in the missionary position
Despite the similarity in names, fundies despise all forms of fun (such as sex, drug use, movies, dancing, and non-gospel music), considering them to be Satanic.
A short list of fundie cults follows:
-White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan
-Liberty University (despite the name, the members of this cult have a special hatred for liberty, since it is valued by liberals)
-Bob Jones University (for all practical purposes identical with Liberty University)
-Al Qaeda (Islamic)
-the Baptist church
-Pentecostalism (one of the main rituals of this cult involves feigning an epileptic fit while babbling incomprehensbily, which oddly is seen as a sign of holiness and purity)
Though their philosophy would in most places condemn them to be homeless pariahs, in the Southern United States many fundies have found work as preachers and other types of demagagogues (such as politicians). Though fundies for the most part lack any practical skills by fault of their underdeveloped and hate-flooded brains, the ability to convince people that other types of people are not human, but in fact demons sent by Satan, is a valued and respected skill in fundie culture. Abbreviated examples of this ability, often based on the misinterpretation of statistics, are below.
Fact:Black people are arrested, convicted and incarcerated at dramatically higher rates than white people in the U.S.
Standard interpretation: racism is systemic, and/or cops often make mass arrests in black ghettoes.
Fundie (or "psychotic") interpretation: The nigger is a violent and inferior lifeform! They will all burn in hell! We must bring back segregation to protect ourselves!
Fact: Fossil evidence suggests that species evolved over millions of years. As this is scientific evidence, many intellectuals (for example liberals) accept it as fact.
Fundie (or "schizophrenic") interpretation: The Bible does not mention evolution! Therefore the Devil planted the fossil record! The liberals believe the fossil record, therefore they are servants of Satan! The liberals are not people! They must be assimilated!
Standard interpretation: racism is systemic, and/or cops often make mass arrests in black ghettoes.
Fundie (or "psychotic") interpretation: The nigger is a violent and inferior lifeform! They will all burn in hell! We must bring back segregation to protect ourselves!
Fact: Fossil evidence suggests that species evolved over millions of years. As this is scientific evidence, many intellectuals (for example liberals) accept it as fact.
Fundie (or "schizophrenic") interpretation: The Bible does not mention evolution! Therefore the Devil planted the fossil record! The liberals believe the fossil record, therefore they are servants of Satan! The liberals are not people! They must be assimilated!
by jazzriff October 12, 2005
Get the fundie mug.Trolling is the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet, generally on message boards. When done in a moderated internet community, this can result in banning. When done to uptight people such as fundies, this can result in hilarity.
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the trolling mug.Technically: a religious concept of an immortal individual conciousness, the mind superimposed on an invisible and supposedly indestructible and universal substance called "spirit."
Colloquially: authenticity, style, or passion. Used almost exclusively in expressions similar to "he's got soul," often used to refer to individual (e.g. improvisational) expression in music styles such as jazz.
Also, a harmonically simple, often syncopated, style of music made by black people such as James Brown, usually played by small groups, though occasionally involving horn sections, related to funk and rock and always having vocals. This music is claimed to embody the above characteristic.
Colloquially: authenticity, style, or passion. Used almost exclusively in expressions similar to "he's got soul," often used to refer to individual (e.g. improvisational) expression in music styles such as jazz.
Also, a harmonically simple, often syncopated, style of music made by black people such as James Brown, usually played by small groups, though occasionally involving horn sections, related to funk and rock and always having vocals. This music is claimed to embody the above characteristic.
by jazzriff September 28, 2006
Get the soul mug.Fop might as well be an acronym for Fashion-Obsessed Prick. A fop is someone who is obsessed with (and thus always wears) expensive, fancy clothes, and with appearances in general and other meaningless bullshit. Sometimes a fop's clothing and jewelry simply appears expensive and is in fact worth jack shit.
Jerry Seinfeld looked like a fucking fop when he wore that fluffy shirt in that one episode. You know the one.
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the fop mug.The monkey is a primate, which means that it is like a person except smaller, dumber, louder, hairier, and it (in most cases) lives in trees and has a tail. Monkeys are sometimes food for the chimp, a superior animal which enjoys war, fornication, the use of primitive tools, and hooting.
"Monkey" can also be used more broadly in the sense of "ape-like creature" or to refer to a person who resembles such a creature, such as a troglodyte. This is generally an insult (rarely, referring to a silly clownish person, it is not as harsh). In any case, the monkey generally enjoys the following:
-stealing things, especially food
-hurling excrement at people (see also politician)
-comic mischief in general
-cocaine
-hooting
"Monkey" can also be used more broadly in the sense of "ape-like creature" or to refer to a person who resembles such a creature, such as a troglodyte. This is generally an insult (rarely, referring to a silly clownish person, it is not as harsh). In any case, the monkey generally enjoys the following:
-stealing things, especially food
-hurling excrement at people (see also politician)
-comic mischief in general
-cocaine
-hooting
That monkey stole half my bananas! Yesterday he stole half my melons! The day before, he had his tribe launch a volley of monkeyshit at my customers! I'll get that damn monkey!
A KKK rally is just a bunch of drunken monkeys.
Look, the monkey is making a speech again on TV! He's not very good with English, but maybe he could learn sign language like that gorilla everybody loved.
A KKK rally is just a bunch of drunken monkeys.
Look, the monkey is making a speech again on TV! He's not very good with English, but maybe he could learn sign language like that gorilla everybody loved.
by jazzriff October 29, 2005
Get the the monkey mug.