henry1272838442's definitions

Instagram Makeover

Like a makeover, but instead of changing the way you/someone else's Instagram appears. Some people say that social media is an extension of the person, but I disagree. You can be a great person and have great traits but have a terrible ig. I don't know how else to say it.

Oh my god, who's that new kid?
That's Grayson. He's cute, and he seems nice, but he is in desperate need of an Instagram makeover.

by henry1272838442 January 6, 2023

BMW X3

The BMW X3 is one of BMW's best-selling models alongside the 3-series sedan, and for good reason. It offers the same handling that BMW's cars are world-renowned for, but with an added touch of practicality. Arguably, compared to the Mercedes-Benz GLK and GLC, its simplistic design is more in-line with European cars truly designed for the European market rather than car-crazy America. And I say this as a HUGE Mercedes fan. Unfortunately, the new X3 is a little over-the-top, and standard RWD shouldn't be a thing in a luxury SUV, but who can complain when the X3 is still constantly ranked towards the top for small luxury SUVs, above its rivals such as the Porsche Macan, Alfa Romeo Stelvio, Lexus NX, Volvo XC60 and Land Rover Range Rover Velar.

Contrary to what some people say, the BMW X3 is not a piece of shit.

by henry1272838442 January 6, 2023

E-Class Wagon

One of the most Stealth Wealth, east coast prep, WASP-y cars out there. Even though E-Class sedans are practically the upper-middle-class Camry, E-Class Wagons, along with subtly-specced Range Rovers, "tastefully-worn-out" graduation-present BMWs and unmodified USDM Toyota Land Cruisers are automotive indicators of some serious wealth and possibly intelligence. They, like the other Euro wagons, are unsurprisingly popular in college towns. Are they just taxis that drunk blondes and Instagram DJs trash back in Deutschland? Ja. Do American buyers give a fuck about the E-Wag's humble roots? Nein. Most E-Class Wagon buyers find the rest of the Mercedes lineup to be gauche and tacky, but remain loyal to the longroof. They also typically have the highest income of any Mercedes owner, so suck it, G63/S560/SL550/AMG GT. Plus, it's available as an E63, meaning you can drop off the kids at school one second and make Hellcats and Nissan Altimas fear for their lives the next.

The E-Class Wagon is a classic Hamptons workhorse. You could also replace Hamptons with Palm Beach, Petoskey, North Shore, Greenwich, Marin or any other affluent WASP area.

by henry1272838442 November 29, 2023

Stealth Wealth Wagon

When you truly have big money and don't have to 'prove it' with a tacky matte black Tesla or a Porsche 911 draped in carbon fiber, you go for a Stealth Wealth Wagon, which is essentially a luxury sedan with a big ass. Stealth Wealth Wagons are ALWAYS European and include the Volvo V90, V60, V70 and XC70, the Audi A4 and A6 allroad/avant, the BMW 3 or 5-series Touring, the Jaguar XF Sportbrake and by far the most popular of the bunch, the Mercedes-Benz E-Class Wagon. While Europeans may view the aforementioned cars as taxis or mundane family shuttles, the Stealth Wealth Wagon is a symbol of old money, refinement, elegance and subdued class in America. Everyone and their mother has an SUV or a sedan, but a Stealth Wealth Wagon is almost always bought, and never leased. People go through their Q5s and E350s faster than Pete Davidson goes through girlfriends, but part of the reason that Stealth Wealth Wagons are so hard to find used is because they are typically retained by their first owners for a loooong time. For that reason, they either have insanely low or insanely high mileage. When you see a Stealth Wealth Wagon, new or old, ALWAYS assume the person driving has fuck-you money. They're a part of a highly exclusive club.

Marin County, Beverly Hills, Pacific Heights, the North Shore, Petoskey, Shaker Heights, Georgetown, Buckhead, Asheville, Middleburg, Hilton Head, Savannah, the Main Line, the UES, the Hamptons, the Hudson Valley, all of Fairfield and Westchester Counties, especially Greenwich, Princeton/Charlottesville/Ann Arbor, Wellesley, the Cape and Islands, and Bar Harbor are all places where you'll have a high likelihood of running into a Stealth Wealth Wagon.

by henry1272838442 September 3, 2023

Audi Allroad

The Audi Allroad can best be described as a Subaru Outback that went to Choate. It, like the Volvo Cross Country and Mercedes E-Class Wagon, has long been a favorite of the country's wealthiest families, and can frequently be spotted with a bunch of college bumper stickers and lax sticks strewn throughout the trunk. If the Volvo Cross Country is more New Haven and the E-Class Wagon is more Georgetown, the Audi Allroad is more Ann Arbor; still sophisticated, with that subtly-intelligent college-town prep vibe, but maybe not as quintessential as say, New Haven or Georgetown. Unfortunately, after the dumpster fire that was the first Allroad back in the early aughts, Audi's Stealth Wealth Wagon became associated with questionable reliability, but shhh, no one needs to remember that. The Allroad is far more sophisticated than a normal Audi sedan. A4s and A6s are everywhere, but Allroads are a rare, rare breed.

Ever since 2000, the Audi Allroad has been the darling of Greenwich Avenue.

by henry1272838442 September 3, 2023

Mercedes-Benz S-Class

The Mercedes-Benz S-Class is iconic. It is the blueprint for all other luxury sedans, a technological tour de force, and has been the undisputed queen of the segment since it was officially introduced in the 1970s. What do Prince William, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Kim Jong-Un have in common? They've all been chauffeured around in the S-class at some point. S-classes can be found on nearly every street corner in cities like New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong and Paris, and they make up a good portion of the $100K+ market in the US along with other status-mobiles like the Land Rover Range Rover and Tesla Model S (ew.)

Everyone from businessmen to heads of state wants an S-class. Even with Rolls-Royce, Maserati, Bentley and Porsche making far more expensive sedans, the S is still taken seriously and wouldn't look out of place parked in front of a royal palace. Quite simply one of, if not the best cars ever made. Every car wishes it could be an S-class when it grows up.

I want nothing more than to listen to some Frank Sinatra in the back of a Mercedes-Benz S-Class in NYC right now.
When I landed in Paris, I was picked up in a Mercedes-Benz S-Class. Take that, peasant.
Diana has both a Range Rover and an S-Class. I love her.

by henry1272838442 September 23, 2022

Lexus RX

The official car of Bay Area (especially) Tiger Moms since 1998. Lexus RXs can be seen shuttling little Asian kids to basketball practice, violin lessons, or SAT prep sessions from San Francisco to Silicon Valley. Yes, a lot of people say the RX is a white mom's car, and go to Marin County and you'll see why, but the RX, especially in California, is the Asian mom's car of choice. Bonus points if there are seat covers/plush headrests.

I went to take a practice SAT in San Jose and all the cars in the parking lot were Lexus RXs.

by henry1272838442 October 18, 2022