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hansonpaulsey's definitions

A Spicy Michael

To let out a flatulent or "rip ass" into someone's mouth while they are asleep or unaware;

also known as a "Snappy Cassy" when a girl quiffs into someone's mouth.
"I gave Dillon a spicy michael after he passed out at the party."
by Hansonpaulsey October 14, 2009
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Post-Ejaculation Revelation

(PERV)-Noun.

The period of time after a man has ejaculated where (for once) sex and women aren't on his mind and he suddenly has a clear thought process bringing in major epiphanies and supreme moments of clarity on life;
fyi: (these "PERVs" only last about a couple of minutes, or even seconds, which then after the idea of sex returns back to the brain.)
Alexander Graham Bell got into a huge argument with his girlfriend on his lack of communication skills since he supposedly didn't let her know that he was going to be home later than planned that night. This argument between them left her in a frustrated mood for the rest of the night which then resulted in her refusing to give him sex.

So after his girlfriend fell asleep, Alexander went to the outhouse in order to blow his load before going to bed. With his lack of communication skills still on his mind, he busted his nut which brought on a Post-Ejaculation Revelation:

"If I could have somehow communicated with my girlfriend from another location over some talking device... I could have gotten sex tonight! Yes, this idea is grand! I'll call it the telephone!"

The rest is history.
by hansonpaulsey November 8, 2009
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Virgin Mary Jane

Noun: A person who is smoking marijuana for the first time, usually followed by excessive coughing and a repeating statement of "I'm so high."
The Virgin Mary Jane began eating all of my pizza rolls and kept saying "I'm so high."

That pussy only took one hit.
by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009
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Future Fossil

Noun: A name usually assigned to someone who is old in age and close to becoming deceased somewhere in the near future.
"You see these new bills Obama is passing? I'm thinking we should've went with John McCain."
"Are you kidding? That future fossil would've been way passed gone by now."
by hansonpaulsey December 1, 2009
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619

A threesome involving two sexual partners performing a 69 on one partner.

609 is the same as a 619, but with a more chubby partner in the middle.
"Last night, my girlfriend and I 69nd for the first time."
"Big deal. Last night, me, your girlfriend and your mom 619nd."
by hansonpaulsey February 13, 2010
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Shoptimistic

To be positive that the gifts or presents you have bought for someone he or she will enjoy; to be optimistic that the purchases you will make will be well-worth the money.
My mother was so shoptimistic about the presents she had bought for my sister and I this Christmas that she didn't even bother keeping the receipts.
by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009
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The Greatest Thing I've Never Seen

Phrase: Used sarcastically in reply after someone tells you a personal story that was overall stupid, uninteresting and hard to follow;

said in order to imply that the story would only be funny if you were there to witness/experience
Person 1: "... Then the girl was all like "At least I didn't do this and such!" and then I was like "No, you don't get it like that. It's like this you bitch! HAHA!" It was seriously so funny, like you have no idea!"
Person2: "Wow that is The Greatest Thing I've Never Seen."
by hansonpaulsey November 15, 2009
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