hansonpaulsey's definitions

609

A threesome involving two sexual partners performing a 69 on one partner which is reasonably fat.

619 is the same as a 609, but with a skinny partner in the middle.

"The only fat guys that will ever get the chance to 609 are rich celebrities."

by hansonpaulsey February 13, 2010

Sleeping Drill

The act of masturbating before going to sleep;
usually done in order to fall asleep faster and more relaxed;
the "sleeping pill" drill.

"I was on a horrible sleeping schedule all summer and now that school starts tomorrow, I'll have to perform a "sleeping drill" in order to fall asleep at a decent time tonight."

by hansonpaulsey November 8, 2009

A Spicy Michael

To let out a flatulent or "rip ass" into someone's mouth while they are asleep or unaware;

also known as a "Snappy Cassy" when a girl quiffs into someone's mouth.

"I gave Dillon a spicy michael after he passed out at the party."

by Hansonpaulsey October 14, 2009

Post-Ejaculation Revelation

(PERV)-Noun.

The period of time after a man has ejaculated where (for once) sex and women aren't on his mind and he suddenly has a clear thought process bringing in major epiphanies and supreme moments of clarity on life;
fyi: (these "PERVs" only last about a couple of minutes, or even seconds, which then after the idea of sex returns back to the brain.)

Alexander Graham Bell got into a huge argument with his girlfriend on his lack of communication skills since he supposedly didn't let her know that he was going to be home later than planned that night. This argument between them left her in a frustrated mood for the rest of the night which then resulted in her refusing to give him sex.

So after his girlfriend fell asleep, Alexander went to the outhouse in order to blow his load before going to bed. With his lack of communication skills still on his mind, he busted his nut which brought on a Post-Ejaculation Revelation:

"If I could have somehow communicated with my girlfriend from another location over some talking device... I could have gotten sex tonight! Yes, this idea is grand! I'll call it the telephone!"

The rest is history.

by hansonpaulsey November 8, 2009

Bloom

Verb: The act of having explosive diarrhea and accidentally getting feces on your balls; the act of defecating on someone else's balls in order for them to be pleasured by the act.

"Damn. After that Chipotle we ate last night, I ended up accidentally blooming. My balls looked like they were dipped in chocolate."

"Sandy bloomed on my balls last night before sex. The warmth turned me on to no end."

by Hansonpaulsey October 14, 2009

Bowel Towel

Noun; After taking a shit and being unaware that you are out of toilet paper, your next best option is to use a towel conveniently hung near the toilet.

"After Michael dropped a deuce, his next best option was the bowel towel hanging next to the tub."

by hansonpaulsey December 27, 2009

Gripjob

When an overly-excited or inexperienced girl attempts to give you a handjob but then ends up choking your dick to the point that it almost isn't worth it anymore.

9th grader: "Dude did you get some friday night!?"
another 9th grader: "Yeah but the girl gave me a gripjob and now it hurts to piss."

by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009