hansonpaulsey's definitions

Bloom

Verb: The act of having explosive diarrhea and accidentally getting feces on your balls; the act of defecating on someone else's balls in order for them to be pleasured by the act.

"Damn. After that Chipotle we ate last night, I ended up accidentally blooming. My balls looked like they were dipped in chocolate."

"Sandy bloomed on my balls last night before sex. The warmth turned me on to no end."

by Hansonpaulsey October 14, 2009

A Spicy Michael

To let out a flatulent or "rip ass" into someone's mouth while they are asleep or unaware;

also known as a "Snappy Cassy" when a girl quiffs into someone's mouth.

"I gave Dillon a spicy michael after he passed out at the party."

by Hansonpaulsey October 14, 2009

Cappy

Noun: A father who doesn't pay child support and gradually loses contact with his children.

"My dad hasn't talked to me in years and he doesn't even help out my family financially anymore. He's such a cappy."

by hansonpaulsey November 22, 2009

Post-Ejaculation Revelation

(PERV)-Noun.

The period of time after a man has ejaculated where (for once) sex and women aren't on his mind and he suddenly has a clear thought process bringing in major epiphanies and supreme moments of clarity on life;
fyi: (these "PERVs" only last about a couple of minutes, or even seconds, which then after the idea of sex returns back to the brain.)

Alexander Graham Bell got into a huge argument with his girlfriend on his lack of communication skills since he supposedly didn't let her know that he was going to be home later than planned that night. This argument between them left her in a frustrated mood for the rest of the night which then resulted in her refusing to give him sex.

So after his girlfriend fell asleep, Alexander went to the outhouse in order to blow his load before going to bed. With his lack of communication skills still on his mind, he busted his nut which brought on a Post-Ejaculation Revelation:

"If I could have somehow communicated with my girlfriend from another location over some talking device... I could have gotten sex tonight! Yes, this idea is grand! I'll call it the telephone!"

The rest is history.

by hansonpaulsey November 8, 2009

Freeload Party

Noun: A house party where in order to get in you have to either bring your own booze (BYOB) or pay the host to drink; usually done by trading off the rights to have a party at the host's house as long as he or she gets profit or free alcohol/substances in the process.

Antonym: Gatsby Party

"Hey dude, you want to hit up this party tonight? It's better than just sitting around here."
"I don't know, is there going to be alcohol?"
"Yeah dude! Well, no... Only if you bring it yourself or you pay someone to drink theirs."
"So you're saying it's a freeload party..."
"Yeeeaaah..."
"Then no, those are fucking lame."

by hansonpaulsey November 8, 2009

Sleeping Drill

The act of masturbating before going to sleep;
usually done in order to fall asleep faster and more relaxed;
the "sleeping pill" drill.

"I was on a horrible sleeping schedule all summer and now that school starts tomorrow, I'll have to perform a "sleeping drill" in order to fall asleep at a decent time tonight."

by hansonpaulsey November 8, 2009

McDream

Noun: A McDonald's Dollar Menu combination of the top bun, lettuce, chicken patty, and mayonnaise of a McChicken on top of the two beef patties, cheese, onion, pickles, ketchup, and bottom bun of a double cheeseburger; sometimes referred to as a "Double Chickenburger", "McEcstasy" and "The 2 Dollar Heart-Attack"

"Eat a McDream today and you'll possibly be McDreaming for eternity!"

by Hansonpaulsey October 12, 2009