hansonpaulsey's definitions

Bloom

Verb: The act of having explosive diarrhea and accidentally getting feces on your balls; the act of defecating on someone else's balls in order for them to be pleasured by the act.

"Damn. After that Chipotle we ate last night, I ended up accidentally blooming. My balls looked like they were dipped in chocolate."

"Sandy bloomed on my balls last night before sex. The warmth turned me on to no end."

by Hansonpaulsey October 14, 2009

Devil's Swirly

Noun: The act of repeatedly dunking a person's head into a toilet while/after they vomit; usually done to someone who is puking as a result to consuming too much alcohol.

"While Mike began puking into the toilet after being unaware of his alcohol consumption limits, Chris began giving him a devil's swirly."

by hansonpaulsey November 9, 2009

Chocolate Milk

The sexual act of a man cumming into a woman's mouth after she gives head and immediately after the woman squirts chocolate syrup into her mouth, swishes it around, and then swallows.

Willy Wonka's gay lover used to adore drinking Willy's chocolate milk. But then his test results came back...

by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009

609

A threesome involving two sexual partners performing a 69 on one partner which is reasonably fat.

619 is the same as a 609, but with a skinny partner in the middle.

"The only fat guys that will ever get the chance to 609 are rich celebrities."

by hansonpaulsey February 13, 2010

Virgin Mary Jane

Noun: A person who is smoking marijuana for the first time, usually followed by excessive coughing and a repeating statement of "I'm so high."

The Virgin Mary Jane began eating all of my pizza rolls and kept saying "I'm so high."

That pussy only took one hit.

by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009

Future Fossil

Noun: A name usually assigned to someone who is old in age and close to becoming deceased somewhere in the near future.

"You see these new bills Obama is passing? I'm thinking we should've went with John McCain."
"Are you kidding? That future fossil would've been way passed gone by now."

by hansonpaulsey December 1, 2009

Ghostjob

When an inexperienced girl attempts to give a handjob and she barely grabs onto the shaft resulting in barely any good feeling whatsoever.

Antonym: Gripjob

The only thing worse than a girl being a tease about giving you a handjob is a girl giving you a ghostjob.

by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009