hansonpaulsey's definitions

Virgin Mary Jane

Noun: A person who is smoking marijuana for the first time, usually followed by excessive coughing and a repeating statement of "I'm so high."

The Virgin Mary Jane began eating all of my pizza rolls and kept saying "I'm so high."

That pussy only took one hit.

by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009

Shoptimistic

To be positive that the gifts or presents you have bought for someone he or she will enjoy; to be optimistic that the purchases you will make will be well-worth the money.

My mother was so shoptimistic about the presents she had bought for my sister and I this Christmas that she didn't even bother keeping the receipts.

by Hansonpaulsey October 11, 2009

Future Fossil

Noun: A name usually assigned to someone who is old in age and close to becoming deceased somewhere in the near future.

"You see these new bills Obama is passing? I'm thinking we should've went with John McCain."
"Are you kidding? That future fossil would've been way passed gone by now."

by hansonpaulsey December 1, 2009

The Greatest Thing I've Never Seen

Phrase: Used sarcastically in reply after someone tells you a personal story that was overall stupid, uninteresting and hard to follow;

said in order to imply that the story would only be funny if you were there to witness/experience

Person 1: "... Then the girl was all like "At least I didn't do this and such!" and then I was like "No, you don't get it like that. It's like this you bitch! HAHA!" It was seriously so funny, like you have no idea!"
Person2: "Wow that is The Greatest Thing I've Never Seen."

by hansonpaulsey November 15, 2009

n00dz?

Noun: A question( proposing someone to send nude pictures) that is usually asked to seem "un-serious" or "sarcastic" to see if the person will in fact send nude pictures.
If answered with a yes, the proposer will then ask to see them.
If answered with a no, the proposer will then act as if they weren't being literal and quickly change the subject to avoid embarrassment.

Text message conversation:
Guy: "Sup girl?"
Girl: "Not much, just uploading some pictures."
Guy: "n00dz? ;"
Girl: "What am I, 14? I don't do that."
Guy: "Haha I know, I was kidding... anyway, how are you?"

by Hansonpaulsey October 12, 2009

Spanky

Noun: A slap someone endures across the face with a thinly sliced piece of meat; usually done with lunch meat or a patty of a fast food burger.

"Since Mike wouldn't shut up at the McDonald's drive-thru, I opened up his greasy McDouble and gave him a spanky."

by Hansonpaulsey October 12, 2009

Ass Trash

Noun; After taking a shit and being unaware that you are out of toilet paper, your next best option is to search in the trash can next to you for any wiping material;

usually results in using:
-paper towels used previously to clean your sink
-toilet paper used to previously clean the top of the toothpaste
-previously used stridex pads
-previously used tampons wrapped up in toilet paper
-previously used tissues used to blow your nose
-the cardboard cylinder of the recently run-out toilet paper

"After eating chipotle, Mike rushed to the bathroom in order to drop his deuce. Afterwards, he realized that he was completely out of toilet paper. He then remembered his next best option: ass trash. Mike had to refer to wiping his ass with his mother's previously used vaginal pad.

by hansonpaulsey October 25, 2009