garthy's definitions

Beer Angel

The unseen guiding force that watches over and keeps safe the inebriated as they stagger across all six lanes of the North Circular at chucking out time.

Loss of vision or memory, and complete bewilderment as to how you got home safely and in one piece means only one thing, that your beer angel was watching over you.

by garthy September 5, 2008

wank

1. Masturbation. 2. n. Rubbish. e.g. "Don't talk wank". 3. v. To masturbate. As in "My brother wanks all the time and he's got perfect eyesight".

As in "If you have a wank every day you'll go blind".

by garthy July 8, 2006

Porn Buddy

A Clitary Executor. A single fellows best friend who, in the event of his untimely death, is charged with the important task of removing and disposing of his stash of grumblebefore his grieving parents arrive tosearch through his effects for touching momentoes, and things to put on eBay.

If former Poet Laureate and lifelong jazz enthusiast Philip Larkin's porn buddy had managed to carry out the Hull Universty Librarians final wishes, it is estimated that the resulting bonfire of hardcore art pamphlets would have been visible from the Moon

by Garthy September 19, 2006

Mole's Eye

A twat which makes a mouse's ear look like a horse's collar

`Consigniawas powerless to resist. His eyes burnt into hers like like ambers. His muscular arms enfolded her her body as she felt herself being swept away on a tradewind of passion. "Now Fernando," she gasped "Take me now. All these years in the convent i've been saving myself for the right man, and now i've found you." "Fucking get," breathed Fernando. "you must have a snatch like a mole's eye." (from `The Nun and the Windowcleaner` by Barbara Cartland

by Garthy September 19, 2006

Betty Swollocks

Polite term for knacker discomfort

"forgive me your majesty, whilst i adjust my doublet and hose. I have sailed the oceans these last six months and have not changed my codpiece since we left the New World. I fear i have the most awful Betties (Sir Walter Raleigh, Audience with Queen Elizabeth I, 1584) Betty Swollocks

by Garthy July 9, 2006

Dutch oven

Beneath the bedclothes after someone has played ‘Reveille' on the botty bugle.

"A Dutch Oven is the art of cooking ones partners' head beneath the bedclothes using cabbage-gas, made popular by Emperor Julius Ceaser during the hieght of Roman rule in Europe". (Adam Hart-Davies, from the popular TV series 'What the Romans did for us, 2003')

by Garthy September 19, 2006

Pork and Beans

A term to describe a Happy Shopper, or Betty Both. One who bowls from both the Pavillion and the members' end. Half rice, Half Chips.

'Birthdays:David Bowie, formerly Pork and Beans, now just beans, singer, 56 today' ('The Times' Jan 8th, 2003)

by Garthy September 19, 2006