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garthy's definitions

Beer Angel

The unseen guiding force that watches over and keeps safe the inebriated as they stagger across all six lanes of the North Circular at chucking out time.
Loss of vision or memory, and complete bewilderment as to how you got home safely and in one piece means only one thing, that your beer angel was watching over you.
by garthy September 5, 2008
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Beer Goggles

Imaginary optical aids through which ugly women begin to appear attractive after you have drunk too much beer.
"What? You fancy that!?! You must be wearing beer goggles".
by garthy July 8, 2006
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wank

1. Masturbation. 2. n. Rubbish. e.g. "Don't talk wank". 3. v. To masturbate. As in "My brother wanks all the time and he's got perfect eyesight".
As in "If you have a wank every day you'll go blind".
by garthy July 8, 2006
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cunt

The female genitals. Once common parlance, the term has been considered impolite since the end of the 14th Century. Not recommended for use in front of the mother-in-law. Also extremely derogotive
"You know, i always hated your mum, she was a right Cunt" As quoted from the Duke of Edinburgh to Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizebeth II in "Queenies Tales"
by garthy August 25, 2006
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twitter

Female perineum; that area of the anatomy between the twat and the shitter
Stop Tony, your not even in... your only just touching my twitter, from The Diaries of Cherie Blair
by garthy July 8, 2006
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Betty Swollocks

"forgive me your majesty, whilst i adjust my doublet and hose. I have sailed the oceans these last six months and have not changed my codpiece since we left the New World. I fear i have the most awful Betties (Sir Walter Raleigh, Audience with Queen Elizabeth I, 1584) Betty Swollocks
by Garthy July 9, 2006
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Self Help Manual

An item of literature that aids relaxation
Playboy, Penthouse, Razzle, The Pants and Bra section of Littlewoods catalogue, The back of a Special K box, family holiday photos could all be used as a self help manual
by Garthy September 19, 2006
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