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flatster's definitions

happy slappy

Criminal acts, often caught on mobile video phone's and passed around to other children to witness. Often these are scenes of bullying, rape, and, in some cases murder.
Newspaper headline: "Happy slappy incident: gang of 19, average age 12, gang rape girl, 13".
by Flatster November 26, 2005
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fact

The distance between the anus and the vagina.

Example: hold up your left hand and make a "C" shape with your thumb and index finger.

That's the distance you're looking for.
A FACT: The distance between a fuck hole and a muck hole and if you miss yer inna shit 'n thassa FACT.
by flatster December 28, 2005
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hip hop

The second poxiest kind of "music" on the planet, rap being the number one all-time shitest. I won't even go into why; just listen to some and feel your IQ decrease and your brains slop out from your ears. You may want to wear a cap sideways after the experience and that also makes you like a nob.

Pure talentless drivel. If someone said I should listen to some I'd rather, and I quote, "stick my wedding tackle in a lions mouth while whipping it's love spuds with a wet towel".
Guy 1: What's that sound?
Guy 2: Hip hop
Guy 1: Shit innit?
Guy 2: Yes
by flatster October 9, 2006
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ram raider

1) To drive a car through a shop window in order to illegally procure goods from aforementioned emporium.

2) Ulgy people can look like they've been ram raiding on motorcycles.
1)
Chav: Lookit! Burbree! Lessnickit!
Chavette: 'right Kev! Puya foo' darn n ram raidit!
Chav: aight! Arma ram raider, me!

2)
She was so fucking ugly, she looked like she'd been ram raiding on a motorcycle.
by flatster October 23, 2006
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sarbanes oxley (SOx)

1) An industry created from nothing that creates nothing.
2) Sarbanes Oxley is also a swear word.
3) Something to hide behind when you need introduce bureaucracy to the nth degree.
SOX dweeb: Do have everything under control?
Office bloke: Yes
SOX dweeb: Can I see the documentary evidence?
Office bloke: We don't keep hard copy
SOX dweeb (smugly): The you have failed your control and I must report you to the highest possible echelon within the organisation who will inform of your failure and sack you. Sarbanes Oxley (SOx) is the alpha and the omega.
Office bloke: So fucking what? DIE!

/bang

SOX dweeb dies in a pool of it's own blood. Much rejoicing ensues.
by flatster October 24, 2006
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clangers

"Clangers" are two different things.

One is a 70's BBC children show where a family of Clangers lived on small moon with the soup dragon, the iron chicken and the froglets et al. When they spoke, they sounded like someone playing a swanee whistle. They ate blue string pudding.

The second definition is that one has made a mistake and "dropped a clanger". This is Cockney, not Mockney by the way.
Example one:
Auntie Clanger: WoOowowowoOwOOOowoOOwooo wooo OOoo?
Baby Clanger: OoO.
Other Clangers: OOOOoooo.

Example two:
Bloke 1: Shit.
Bloke 2: What?
Bloke 1: Forgot the whife's birthday.
Bloke 2: Dropped a right fucking clanger there, mate.
by flatster January 19, 2008
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auditor

The 21st century Gestapo. Will love you long time whilst going through your work to make sure everything is on the up-and-up but then will stab you in the back with an electrified letter-opener.

Scum of the office-world. The little prick who can hide behind company policy and get a hard-on when they find the dot above your "i" was 2 microns bigger than your company would like it to be
Auditor: "So pleased to be working with you! Could I see your ledger please?"

Worker: "No, fuck off you back stabbing, pedantic shit-stirrer. Come near me and I'll strangle you with your shoe laces".
by flatster December 16, 2008
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