22 definitions by Flatster

A very mild exclamation for use in polite company. The fuller version is "Lorks a lordy" if you have a need for a more vernacular expression.
"Lorks a Lordy! My bottom's on fire!"

***Courtesy of "The Young One's"***
by Flatster October 28, 2005
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Extremely thick smog, characterised by early black-and-white films set in between-the-war-and-just-after settings.

Cue: really bad cockney accent...
Cockney chap: Cor blimey, guv! I carn eevin see me face in this!
Cheeky chappy: Nah! S' a right pea souper n' no mistake!
by Flatster November 09, 2005
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The puddle of vomit on the floor. Typically indoors hence the "carpet" prefix.

Show's evidence of one's last meal and therefore consists of many colours. Hence, "kaleidoscope".

Strangely, all spew consists of carrot's and tomato skins regardless of what one has eaten.
"I feel sick..."
"Don't you being doing no carpet kaleidoscope in my house!"
"eeeuuuwww duuuuude!"
by Flatster October 28, 2005
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Arms and fists when used in a fighting sense, particularly when landing a felling blow upon the opponents chin.
1: Did ya beat 'im up den?
2: Yer! Oi leddim 'ave wi' me chin pistons dinnai?
by Flatster October 27, 2005
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"Clangers" are two different things.

One is a 70's BBC children show where a family of Clangers lived on small moon with the soup dragon, the iron chicken and the froglets et al. When they spoke, they sounded like someone playing a swanee whistle. They ate blue string pudding.

The second definition is that one has made a mistake and "dropped a clanger". This is Cockney, not Mockney by the way.
Example one:
Auntie Clanger: WoOowowowoOwOOOowoOOwooo wooo OOoo?
Baby Clanger: OoO.
Other Clangers: OOOOoooo.

Example two:
Bloke 1: Shit.
Bloke 2: What?
Bloke 1: Forgot the whife's birthday.
Bloke 2: Dropped a right fucking clanger there, mate.
by Flatster January 19, 2008
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The 21st century Gestapo. Will love you long time whilst going through your work to make sure everything is on the up-and-up but then will stab you in the back with an electrified letter-opener.

Scum of the office-world. The little prick who can hide behind company policy and get a hard-on when they find the dot above your "i" was 2 microns bigger than your company would like it to be
Auditor: "So pleased to be working with you! Could I see your ledger please?"

Worker: "No, fuck off you back stabbing, pedantic shit-stirrer. Come near me and I'll strangle you with your shoe laces".
by Flatster December 05, 2008
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Breaking down a process or system into smaller modules to make it more accessible/easier to comprehend.

On the other hand, it also mean over-complicating a simple process to the extent of being anal in the extreme.
Normal Bloke: Here you are Old Lady, let me help you across the road.

Old Lay: Thank you, young man!

Project manager: Now then Normal Bloke, we need more granularity here. Firstly, what road are you referring to? Next, is there any traffic on said road and if so, at what speed is it travelling? We also need to define the camber of the edges and the traction factor of the tarmac under the temperature of the day to ascertain the breaking distance of the road users in case of a Normal-Bloke-Old-Lady-slippage scenario. Next, we need...

Normal bloke: Fuck this, I'm off to Macdonalds.
by Flatster December 12, 2008
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