49 definitions by daltonjfk
Eating whatever scraps and leftovers one can find in the house after returning home from a night out. Jigsaw guzzlers are known to piece together meals of cold pasta in Tupperwares, hummus with a spoon, entire packets of sliced ham, and heels of bread from 4 different loaves.
Often leads to couch pizza the following day.
Often leads to couch pizza the following day.
Arriving home 3 hours before her 8AM sociology class, Kendra stumbled into the kitchen and jigsaw guzzled her roommates’ cereal, popcorn, and secret stash of Cheetos before devouring Sasha’s entire block of Parmesan.
by daltonjfk October 03, 2019
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His smug smile and white eyebrows give it all away - Mr. Clean's dirty secret arrives every Tuesday and Saturday and cleans his house with Shamwow.
by daltonjfk December 17, 2019
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The friend or flatmate whose glistening fingers are always in your food.
Mr. Steal Yo Meal keeps very little in his own refrigerator. Eyewitness reports typically mention fuzzy half-eaten salads from Sweetgreen, cold lasagna, and the last slice in the packet of cold cuts. Though he is never seen preparing his own food, Mr. Steal Yo Meal is never hungry because in under a second, his arachnid-like digits can pilfer half a portion of fries and a pan full of pasta you were going to eat later.
Mr. Steal Yo Meal keeps very little in his own refrigerator. Eyewitness reports typically mention fuzzy half-eaten salads from Sweetgreen, cold lasagna, and the last slice in the packet of cold cuts. Though he is never seen preparing his own food, Mr. Steal Yo Meal is never hungry because in under a second, his arachnid-like digits can pilfer half a portion of fries and a pan full of pasta you were going to eat later.
1. "Your Honor, the defendant was caught smacking his lips despite having not cooked any dinner for himself. The defense rests."
2. "The Judge finds Mr. Steal Yo Meal guilty of Grand Theft Nuggets and sentences him to a trip to the grocery store on his own damn card."
2. "The Judge finds Mr. Steal Yo Meal guilty of Grand Theft Nuggets and sentences him to a trip to the grocery store on his own damn card."
by daltonjfk November 06, 2019
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A song so lit the masses submit to it unconditionally. Individuals of all music tastes have no choice but to adore its fat, wobbling rhythms. To criticise a Kim Jong Tune is a serious cultural heresy.
That fire drops like a nuclear bomb.
That fire drops like a nuclear bomb.
Back in the summer of 2015 I told people I didn’t like “Lean On”. The ensuing social ostracism I endured helped me understand that the song was in fact a Kim Jong Tune.
by daltonjfk September 23, 2019
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When vegetarians start beef
When Layla-Ann accused Melrose of having worn leather shoelaces on Monday, I knew the two of them were about to start tofu.
by daltonjfk September 23, 2019
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by daltonjfk September 16, 2019
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by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
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