11 definitions by black jesus

Top Definition
Well, it's true. Sorry, KKK and the like. Did you really expect Me to be lily-white in a region like the Middle East? Hellooo...Jews are Semitic? I looked more like an Arab or Egyptian than I did like George Bush.
The whole planet will tilt when I come back.
by Black Jesus March 28, 2005
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Extreme diarhea, usually caused by heavy drinking. Also known as the liquor shits. Diarhea is classified as such when stool is mostly liquid.
Oh shit, my asshole is on fire. That god damn bottle of Jager made me brew college tea.
by black jesus August 24, 2003
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A shot of liquor that is likely to come back up.
No jameson, thats a bungie shot, I'll have something fruity.
by black jesus August 16, 2004
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significant other; controller of teh penis
Schlong monger, where's my beer?
by black jesus May 01, 2003
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One of My many disciples. After I rose from the dead, We married and moved to France, where We had children. Our progeny continues today.

Mary was also the first Pope of the Catholic Church, and was not a prostitute but a wealthy fisherwoman. (Peter was more of a secular leader than a spiritual one, the role that Mary Magdalene filled.) The story of the sinful woman at Simon's house was somehow interspersed with the life of Mary Magdalene.
Read the Gnostic books of the Bible, like the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, for the complete story.
by Black Jesus March 28, 2005
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To assault a person utilizing a cellular phone as a weapon. Similar to a pistol whip.
In order to avoid assault, I cell phone whipped him, into unconciousness.

Ho! You know I'll cell phone whip a bitch!
by black jesus July 07, 2005
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A female who has done something undesireable.
You guacamole twat bitch, I cannot belive you gave him a hot carl before we kissed.
by black jesus May 02, 2003
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