Uncle Des's definitions

Hearing Aid

Derogatory term for a Bluetooth earpiece worn by anyone over 40 years old in the sad belief that it makes them look cool. Seen from the opposite side, it makes them look like an old person suffering from semile dementia and talking to themselves.

Middle-aged woman apparently talking to herself in park.
Guy: "What's up with grandma over there?"
Girl: "She's on her hearing aid again to her daughter."

by Uncle Des August 21, 2009

KIMP Factor

KIMP = "Kittens I'd Murder for a Pizza"

When traveling overseas for a long time, you finally get to a point when you have had enough foreign food and actually, biologically, NEED a pizza. How many kittens would you murder for one? That's the KIMP factor.

By the time you reach a KIMP factor of 10: it's time to come home.

I spent three weeks in Shanghai, and after only 4 days was up to a KIMP factor of 5. The rest of the time was NOT good.

by Uncle Des July 22, 2010

Outlet Shopping

When your cell phone, iPod or computer battery is just about to die, and you are engaged in a frantic hunt for an electrical socket to plug it into at an airport, you're "outlet shopping".

"Man, my phone gave up the ghost at LaGuardia, and I was outlet shopping for 15 minutes 'cos none of these geeks would let me plug in..."

by Uncle Des June 27, 2009

Utica

Like being dead, but without the fun.

"I died and went to Utica."

"Utica failed in its bid to be twinned with Pluto"

by Uncle Des November 25, 2009

In-law in-law

Your spouse's brother's/sister's spouse. Basically someone who will never be related to your kids, so you don't have to give a shit about. The feeling is mutual.

Your Wife: "My brother Todd's wife is such a cow!"

You: "Who gives a rat's? She's my in-law in-law."

by Uncle Des August 9, 2010

Booth Slapper

Basically what a booth babe turns into while you're at other tradeshows. Much in evidence due to the poor economy.

She's been divorced at least once; smokes; has a peeling tan; hugs every man she gets close to and the perfect specimen has both a stupid name (or a good name spelled oddly) and a job title that is actually one step up from receptionist if you look at it too closely enough.

Salesguy: "Hey, meet Janneene. She's our Director of Marcom Integration."
You: "Behind the booth slapper?!"

by Uncle Des July 18, 2009

Bejeweled Blitz

A Facebook game that is like crack for housewives.

Me at 7:00am: "See you later honey. Don't play Bejeweled Blitz."
Her: "'Kay. 'Bye" She goes to computer
Me at 6:00pm: "I'm back. Honey: the house burned down and the kids are gone!!!!"
Her: "Shelly just got 127,000! I've got to beat her..."

by Uncle Des July 12, 2009