Granny Gum Jobs

A blowjob from an old lady who has no teeth. The lack of teeth makes the experience awesome, however the incident is too embarrassing to tell your squad.
The granny gum jobs from old lady Jenkins was probably more erotic than anything I've ever had.
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Allahu Cockbar

When an orgasm is so goddamn incredible, the first instinct is to commit a suicide bombing.
Q: Did you see that bomb that went off?
A: I was right next to it! The guy was justified though. I heard him scream Allahu Cockbar! before he blew. So the fucker must have just hit some fine pussy.
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Shartwork

When you release your bowels on the wall and make a beautiful work of art out of it.
Billy: What's with all this shit on the wall?
Jared: Get this through your head: this isn't just shit, this is some high quality shartwork.
Billy: This still looks like shit.
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Penis Flytrap

A vagina which clasps around your dick, right before you cum, so that you have to nut inside of it. Your dick also begins to get digested by the vagina after a short time.
Quin: hey, I heard you got stuck in a penis flytrap the other day.

Drew: yeah, it was crazy. I had to knock that bitch out and tease her pussy lips open so I could free my dick.

Quin: wow, that's scary...
Drew: but, I still finished.
Quin: nice
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Yak Pussy

A vagina with hair that is so matted, tangled, greasy, and overly disgusting, it is impossible to find the actual vagina.
Sara's yak pussy was so nasty I almost had to get out my shears in an attempt to deforest that fucker.
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Siberian Cave Troll

The crustacean which lives and breeds within the cavernous regions of a Russian woman's vagina. Scientifically named Sibernus Cavernous Trolololololus
I was going down on Olga when all of the sudden her Siberian Cave Troll grabbed my tongue and drug me in neck deep into her pussy.
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Handlebar Muffstache

When your girl shaves her pussy hair into the shape of a handlebar mustache so that when you eat her out you feel like more of a man.
I was eating out Barbara the other day, and her Handlebar Muffstache was so good that it made my dick twice as hard because I felt like more of a man.
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