The Real Canadian's definitions

Sarah Palin

1. Former Governor of Alaska;
2. Mother of a 16-year-old baby mama (proving that you don’t have to be poor to be white trash);
3. D-list “Reality TV” star; and
4. Living proof that a person could live without a brain - and get a job that doesn’t involve flipping burgers and asking whether you want fries with your order.

Sarah Palin may be one hot grandmama, but half the things she says and does make America the laughingstock of the developed world.

If Sarah Palin is the best the GOP could come up with, then I’ll become a registered Democrat no matter what.

by The Real Canadian July 7, 2021

Little Turd from Stratford

A pet name for a certain thinly talented and heavily tattooed pop superstar, Justin Bieber, who is responsible for the most overplayed and annoying song in history, Sorry. Bieber spent the first years of his life in Stratford, a small town located about two hours west of Toronto. To us, he is just another obnoxious pretty boy who needs a timeout for bad behavior.

The Little Turd from Stratford gets more airplay than everybody else. If that's the best that Canada could offer, then I'm moving to the States.

by The Real Canadian August 24, 2016

crackton

Nickname for Acton, a working class Toronto suburb known for its drugs, teen moms, low educational attainment rates, open racism, and some of the stupidest people alive. Any person with even a little bit going for them would get out of that place, using college or university as an escape route.

It's worth the drive to Crackton.

by The Real Canadian April 25, 2015

Matt Lauer

An overpaid, creepy-looking douchebag who got away with trapping underlings in his office - until one of them helped send him on his permanent vacation. Probably the most unlikable morning show host in the history of television.

I don’t know how that disgusting Matt Lauer got this far in life. Just the thought of him pulling out his pecker makes me lose my appetite.

by The Real Canadian April 14, 2021

Megyn Kelly

A beautiful blonde Fox News and NBC host, Megyn Kelly put her foot in her mouth on live TV. The result? Her 15 minutes of fame were up.

Megyn Kelly might have been a lawyer years back, but she wasn’t smart enough to keep her big mouth shut about blackface. Now, she’s a big skinny nobody, and Fox News doesn’t want her back.

by The Real Canadian May 30, 2022

Hoe Hicks

A secretive, hot-looking office skank who sleeps her way to the top, almost always with married men. Her only qualifications for a high-paying job? Working as a model and looking like one, too.

I have two degrees and could only find a job pushing boxes along a conveyor belt, yet that bimbo Hoe Hicks could get a high paying job with zero qualifications! WTF?

by The Real Canadian May 5, 2018

Coffin Nails

Pioneering, but forgotten, 1950’s and 1960’s shock jock Joe Pyne called cigarettes this, being resigned to his chain smoking habit. (He died of lung cancer in 1970, aged 45). These days, coffin nails could mean three things:

1. Long, squared off manicures in the shape of an old school coffin;

2. French fries because they’re unhealthy to begin with; and
3. Cigarettes.

How could Miranda type with those ugly coffin nails in her way?
No wonder why Albert is so fat, he eats that big carton of coffin nails with chili and cheese every day for lunch.
The Surgeon General has determined that smoking coffin nails is dangerous to your health.

by The Real Canadian September 24, 2020