Telephony's definitions

Hose down

To shoot somebody with a gun; shooting in such a manner that the target is either dead as a doorknob or unable to walk away.

Did you hear that Bernie in Seattle got hosed down last week?

I so want to hose down that dumb stupid enemabag, but I don't want to go to jail.

by Telephony September 14, 2010

Open Mike

A rather unfortunately common misspelling of the phrase, "open mic" which is an event staged by bars & nightclubs allow ordinary people to go onstage and sing, tell dirty jokes, or spout off a bountifully overflowing cornucopia of toilet tongue just to try and liven up an otherwise dull house.

Seen in printed material only (such as a sign in a window); as "open mike" and, "open mic" are pronounced exactly the same.

MAY 31 OPEN MIKE FROM 7 TO 11

by Telephony May 15, 2015

lite

How a faggot would spell the word, "light".

{Seen on a C=64 demo by Abyss in 1988}

A ? TO EVERYONE: ONLY A FAGGOT WOULD REPLACE "GHT" WITH "TE". .. EX. LIGHT AND LITE. NIGHT AND NITE. WHAT IS YOUR GUY'S GAY INCEST WITH THE "TE" COMBO?

by Telephony January 12, 2017

no perspiration

How an anal retentive buttknocker might say the phrase, "no sweat".

{Scott}: Hey Aaron, can you move that board off the lawn please?
Aaron}: Sure Scott, no perspiration!

by Telephony March 12, 2022

Worker's Constipation

What the term, "Worker's Compensation" is to Butt-Head on the Beavis and Butt-Head episode, "Work is Death".

{Burger World Manager}: Be careful in the kitchen, Burger world can not afford to pay out any more Worker's Compensation.

Butthead: Uhhh, Worker's Constipation?

Beavis: Yeah, yeah, I get that all the time at work when I can't take a poop.

by Telephony July 20, 2020

shitted off

It means the same as pissed off but with much more severity.

Jack was piddled-off...no, pissed off...er...um...fucking shitted off that some true-blue total asshaberdasher had kicked the urinal off the wall and then smashed it to bits with a hammer, knowing full well that it will be months before Jack can afford to have it replaced!

by Telephony September 7, 2019

Toliet Denver

How some people might speak, write, or type the name of the musician, "John Denver".

I mean think about it. A john is another word for a toliet.

Hey, didjya hear that Toliet Denver was on the radio this morning? Something about him putting cake on the griddle instead of in the oven and something about playing a violin.

by Telephony June 29, 2015