Squid Wrangler's definitions

wolfmother

Woefully awful neo-retro blandness. Sounds like a bad Led Zeppelin tribute band taking their first shot at writing original material. Locked in a tight race with JET and the Vines to be the worst band to come out of Australia ever.

Wolfmother: Because the world needs more illiterate stoners with Down's Syndrome wailing like banshees.

by Squid Wrangler December 10, 2008

The White Stripes

A rock band that continues to frustrate pompous critics by actually living up to the hype. The White Stripes have always produced quality records, but in recent years have released three classics in a row ("White Blood Cells", "Elephant", and the newest, "Get Behind Me Satan").

"Red Rain", "My Doorbell", and "Take, Take, Take". Three great tracks off the newest record by The White Stripes. If you think those songs suck, you don't like rock music. Period.

by Squid Wrangler December 28, 2005

Patriots

The recipients of a long-deserved ass kicking from the Carolina Panthers last Sunday. 27-17. The NFL's so-called greatest quarterback was sacked twice and picked off by the league's best defense while their rushing game was held back to sub-40 yards. The sheer joy of seeing Tom Brady weeping like a little girl on the sidelines as the fourth quarter wound down was almost overwhelming.

Steve Smith, Stephen Davis, Ricky Proehl, Julius Peppers, Mike Rucker, Will Witherspoon, and Ken Lucas owned the Patriots.

by Squid Wrangler December 28, 2005

clinton did nothing

Conservative rallying cry that has little to no basis in history or reality for that matter as stated. If by "nothing" you mean that Bill Clinton never dragged us into the kind of disaster George W. Bush did with his poorly-planned and executed mega-quagmire, then you'd be right on the money. However, if by "nothing" you mean the time his anti-terror legislation (Omnibus Anti-Terrorism Act of 1995) was cock-blocked by the GOP-controlled Congress, when his assertions that Al-Quaeda in general and Osama Bin Laden in particular were serious threats were balked at by many Republicans, when his proposal to create a department dealing primarily with homeland security was rejected, and when his warnings that Islamic extremism was going to be the new threat of our age were ignored, then you've probably been paying more attention than most of America.

Bill Clinton's anti-terror and homeland defense ideas weren't ahead of their time as much as they were shot down due to partisan bullshit from Republicans. And Democrats are supposed to be the obstructionists?

by Squid Wrangler August 26, 2005

limp bizkit

The most terrible band of the past 15 years. Everything about them sucks. This fact has been well documented in countless web pages, reviews, and articles all over the Internet so I won't go into many details. Fred Durst is a closet egomaniac; the fact that he just happened to be oafing around in the right place at the right time when the music industry went through another in a long series of bizarre, unexpected detours through inexplicable-trend-land and the spotlight fell on dudes with baggy pants, downtuned guitars, and borderline-retarded grunting in place of actual vocals has filled him with the worst kind of foolish, brash pride that has been well documented by concert promoters, radio staff, and various other industry insiders. Wes Borland is not talented; he just owns a lot of stomp boxes. I'm not a "hater"; I just have ears. Their new record, which appears to be some kind of awful attempt at making a political/social statement, debuted at #24 on the Billboard Top 200 and sold about 37,000 copies it's first week out, which subsequently slid to 12,000 copies when week two rolled around. Ouch. So much for "still raking in millions", right Chase?

Fred Durst was raised in Gastonia, North Carolina; a town about an hour from where I live. This fact fills me with shame.

by Squid Wrangler June 30, 2005

Iran

Next stop on the Bush/Cheney war bus.

Want to see the future? Take any speech about foreign policy Bush made in late 2002/early 2003 and replace "Iraq" with "Iran".

by Squid Wrangler May 14, 2005

My Chemical Romance

A member of the tremendous battalion of lame New Jersey post-hardcore/power pop/blargh/pseudo-genre bending radio-friendly over-produced bands that have recently broken into the American mainstream in an unexpected manner. One of the many bands who are worshipped by legions of former preps who now wear studded belts, Chuck Taylors, and check their Myspace account every six minutes. Fans of My Chemical Romance are usually in-between everything. They're too "refined" to like Linkin Park, Korn, and other ultra-mainstream angst-peddlers but too dense and flat to really do much more than haphazardly dabble in bands that are somewhat more challenging to get into, such as pre-"Dark Side of the Moon" Pink Floyd and Sonic Youth.

My Chemical Romance is mainly at home in combining the sad-sack tendencies of emo lyrics and the overbearing self-absorption found therein (yes I know they're not emo you fucking idiots, emo is a very specific style of music that for all practical purposes has been dead for a few years. But you're truly a moron if you don't think they at least borrow some elements of that genre) with the overdone theatrics of prog rock and metal while having absolutely none of the virtuosity associated with those genres. Makes use of the same limp musicianship that is present in every other generic "dynamic" or "emotional" (short for "not really good at anything") rock band currently making 16 year old girls with glasses and acne cream their pants across the country.

Speaking of their lyrics, this band is nothing special when compared to their peers while absolutely awful compared to somewhat decent bands. One of the "good songs" another person mentioned in another definition contains the following lyrics:
" And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground
And if they get me take this spike to my heart and
And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and
You put the spike in my heart

And if the sun comes up will it tear the skin right off our bones
And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks I saw you there
Someone call the doctor, someone get me to a church
Where they can pump this venom gaping hole
And you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat
And if they come and get me
You put the spike in my heart"

Good God. Nothing but lame, weak metaphors about hearts, souls, secrets, gaping holes in all three, and other asinine, pretentious bullshit that is showcased in most songs in this God-forsaken genre. Overblown, meandering pablum that doesn't really even mean anything.

People who like My Chemical Romance were probably listening to Linkin Park three years ago.

by Squid Wrangler May 13, 2005