Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

bird box challenge

The act of imitating the movie Bird Box, and challenging yourself to complete an otherwise innocuous or petty task while blindfolded.

Guy 1: you wanna try the Bird Box Challenge?
Guy 2: Sure, what do I have to do?
Guy 1: Put on this blindfold and try to cross the street without looking.
Guy 2: Sounds kinda dangerous.
Guy 1: You never know when you'll need this skill man. Everyone's doing it!
Guy 2: Ok... **(puts on blindfold and starts walking across the street, then gets hit by a bus)**
Guy 1: Beautiful.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 2, 2019

Strawberry Shortcake

The act of ejaculating inside a woman's vagina while she is menstruating, sucking out the mixture of semen and menses whilst eating her out, then finally, passing the concoction into her mouth during kissing. It is a three part process that involves period sex, felching and snow-balling.

This new girl I am dating is a total freak, she's on the rag and asked for a Strawberry Shortcake. So I busted a nut in her bloody pussy, slurped that shit out while munching her box then spit that shit in her mouth.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin September 27, 2023

wisconsin pretty

A term used to describe an American woman who in most other states would be considered unattractive, but is beautiful by the standards of men from Wisconsin.

Guy: "what do you think of that chick over there by the keg?"
Friend: "you mean the one with the gut and John Denver haircut?"
Guy: "yeah, that one."
Friend: "Well she looks like Rebel Wilson, so I guess she's Wisconsin Pretty."
Guy: "Go Packers..."

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 1, 2018

herd of pachyderms

A group of 3-8 fat women, who travel together on social outings for protection and moral support. They are known to frequent Ladies Night and all-you-can-eat buffets.

I came to the bar to find some hot action, not get trampled by a herd of pachyderms.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 12, 2019

winter penis

The phenomenon where, in colder winter months, vasoconstriction leads to an average of 30% less girth in the male genitalia. This is due to the body trying to conserve heat, thereby shutting down certain blood pathways to stay warm; the penis being one of them...

Guy 1: Polar vortex hit this week, and I swear my dick shrunk like a half inch in diameter. I don't even want to show my girlfriend...

Guy 2: Sounds like a case of Winter Penis

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 3, 2019

Kiss the Converse

An insult uttered by Sho'Nuff in the 1985 film "the Last Dragon". It means to bow down to ones enemy and pay respect by kissing their feet.

You think you're the shit, but you ain't, bow down and Kiss the Converse.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 2, 2019

aborted fetal colada

The mix of pus and menses that drips from a woman's birth canal after an abortion procedure. It is high in vitamins, and definitely leaves a dark Kool-Aid mustache.

My girlfriend just had an abortion, so I can't wait to slurp up that aborted fetal colada!

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 18, 2019