Da bu**s**t results of a lie-detector-test dat were unusable 'cuz da polygraph machine ran outta trace-scribing pigment.
Whenever da "good ol' boy" top-brass military officials had Ollie North submit to fibber-checking diagnoses during da Iran-Contra scandal, they always claimed dat said tests were inkconclusive... sounds to me like they either didn't wanna implicate "one of their own", or they were merely paid off to purposely sabotage da machine beforehand.
by QuacksO May 31, 2020
A.k.a. "a**h**e insurance". Refers to where you habitually bring a really intolerably-obnoxious human along with you on potentially-dangerous excursions, such as on an airline-trip, into battle or a "bad" part of town, on a road-trip through natural-disaster areas like flooding or rock-slides, into a hazardous-materials area, etc., to better your own chances of survival. The theory behind this practice, of course, is that whenever there is a widespread catastrophe or other mass-annihilation incident, statistically the "nice" folks are usually the ones who get killed, while the super-nasty inhabitants in the disaster-area invariably seem to escape with little or no injury. So the obvious conclusion would be that if you "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer" (i.e., always stay right next to the acridly-antisocial hombre who's accompanying you), the Fate gods --- who apparently like and favor the mean folks, since they always seem to spare them --- will be hesitant to allow anything harmful to occur in your vicinity, since they would not want to risk harming or killing one of their precious meanie-jerks, as well. Simple, but effective, and a lot cheaper and more reliable than buying death/accident-insurance.
The concept of the "a**h**e safety-net" is nothing new --- it's actually just kinda the reverse of taking hostages: while the latter involves keeping desirable people close to you so that their fellow humans will not send bullets or bombs your way for fear of hurting their abducted loved ones, the former strategy also utilizes the "human shield" concept, but in the exact opposite way... no respectable human being would give a rat's a** if your cranky-natured companion were eliminated ("Good riddance!"), but the Gods of Fate would indeed wish to maintain the well-being of such miscreant, and so they will feel forced to let you live on, as well.
by QuacksO July 23, 2019
What a modern-day Mary could have called her small fuzzy ovine pet and thus been allowed to bring it to class with her despite its ordinarily being "against the rule".
I'm all for allowing children to keep cute/cuddly pets as calming/encouraging companions to help them through da day; it's just dat allowing Mary to bring her "therapy lamb" into an elementary-school classroom would cause all kinds of issues, of course, since it would be a huge distraction to all of Mary's fellow students, who would naturally all wanna pet and cuddle da silky woolly lamb all day instead of concentrating on their boring lessons.
by QuacksO May 29, 2021
The act of "ultimate female-chest-sharing" by an amply-endowed lady while canoodling in bed with her snuggle-bunny. It begins with both cuddlers facing each other and the guy's re-positioning his pillow down on the bed a little ways so that he can nestle his head up underneath the gal's chin; he then gently lifts the gal's "upper" boob and settles his neck deep into her cleavage so that his face and neck are totally surrounded by the luscious warm softness of the gal's throat and bountiful chest-pillows. It has to actually be experienced to fully appreciate how truly "past heavenly" this position feels.
One of the nicest things about a horseshoe-pillow is that the gal doesn't hafta make virtually any effort herself to create it, and so she can easily perform it even if she's dead-tired --- all she has to do is merely lie on her side and allow the guy to nestle up to her chest and cradle his neck in between her boobs; he can then savor the dreamily-euphoric experience for a long period of time, even long after she's fallen fast asleep.
by QuacksO July 08, 2018
by QuacksO February 26, 2023
Bobligation: (1) What Robert is required to do. (2) Da binding agreement to either have short hair or make something undulate.
Cobligation: (1) A mandatory action regarding da center portion of an ear of corn. (2) Something dat a male swan must do.
DOBligation: Refers to an instance where you have to state when you were born.
Fobligation: Da mandatory use of a large object to attach to your watch-chain.
Gobligation: Where you need to gather scattered material and combine it all into one lump.
Hobligation: Local building-code regarding da metal food-warming platform in yer fireplace.
Jobligation: (1) An edict dat states dat you must be employed if you are able. (2) Where an employer is required to hire you and keep you on his staff unless you either quit or are convicted of a work-related wrongdoing.
Lobligation: An agreement dat states dat you hafta throw something.
Mobligation: A rule dat requires a large number of da available residents to gather in a group.
Robligation: (1) See first example at da beginning of this list. (2) Where someone is required to steal, break-and-enter, etc.
Sobligation: Where you hafta noisily shed some tears.
Cobligation: (1) A mandatory action regarding da center portion of an ear of corn. (2) Something dat a male swan must do.
DOBligation: Refers to an instance where you have to state when you were born.
Fobligation: Da mandatory use of a large object to attach to your watch-chain.
Gobligation: Where you need to gather scattered material and combine it all into one lump.
Hobligation: Local building-code regarding da metal food-warming platform in yer fireplace.
Jobligation: (1) An edict dat states dat you must be employed if you are able. (2) Where an employer is required to hire you and keep you on his staff unless you either quit or are convicted of a work-related wrongdoing.
Lobligation: An agreement dat states dat you hafta throw something.
Mobligation: A rule dat requires a large number of da available residents to gather in a group.
Robligation: (1) See first example at da beginning of this list. (2) Where someone is required to steal, break-and-enter, etc.
Sobligation: Where you hafta noisily shed some tears.
Most alphabetical obligations make little sense in real life, but they are fun to say and amusing to think about.
by QuacksO June 09, 2020
A place you go to for religion-based treatment and counseling to cure you of drinking beverages dat come in glass, aluminum, and plastic containers; this is both to get you to live more healthfully, and to reduce littering and other harmful effects on da environment dat guzzling canned/bottled alcohol or soft drinks causes.
Two weird and/or seemingly-hypocritical details of a redemption center:
(1) They often will let you pay your dues using bags of returnable containers dat you've collected, which of course are da very same resource-wasting vessels dat they are trying to cure you of purchasing your liquid libation in.
(2) They don't mention ceramic or wooden containers dat moonshine comes in, so this omission could sabotage your efforts to "keep da plug in da jug".
(1) They often will let you pay your dues using bags of returnable containers dat you've collected, which of course are da very same resource-wasting vessels dat they are trying to cure you of purchasing your liquid libation in.
(2) They don't mention ceramic or wooden containers dat moonshine comes in, so this omission could sabotage your efforts to "keep da plug in da jug".
by QuacksO June 08, 2021