QuacksO's definitions

...if you ask me

But I **didn't** ask you, so quit flappin' yer gums!

Whenever someone says, "...if you ask me" at the end of a rant-'n'-rave-statement, he is acknowledging that he is feeling ignored. Do NOT encourage him by making ANY response or acknowledgement whatsoever --- this is merely a "fishing" statement to see if anyone's willing to listen to his whiny crybaby blather, so if he senses that anyone at all is even mildly receptive to him, he will not shut up for the next hour! You've been warned.

by QuacksO December 28, 2021

waiter

Someone who unobtrusively hangs around a place of business that often has a large volume of customers (supermarket, department store, hotel, etc.), and watches for opportunities to "scavenge for leftovers" and otherwise save money on stuff that he can utilize in his own life. Examples of these opportunities could include finishing/gathering uneaten remains of a family's meal after the group leaves the table, catching an opening/closing door of a coin-operated restroom to keep it from latching when a paying restroom-user is exiting/leaving so that the waiter can slip in and use the facility without having to drop in his own quarter to get the door unlocked again, etc.

If a waiter is part of a sizeable low-income family, several members of his family may be recruited to discretely hang out in various locations around town, so that multiple scrounging/money-saving opportunities can be simultaneously observed on the same day. For example, the husband might sit quietly in a corner of the local service-garage and ask customers for their used motor-oil so that he can take it home and burn it for heat in his specially-designed furnace, while the wife and/or older children spend a few hours at the city park and watch for fellow relaxation-seeking visitors to toss returnable beverage-containers into the area's trash cans.

by QuacksO May 25, 2018

Doppler-effect horn-blowing

Da annoying dual-pitch "Beeeeeee-yuhhhhhhhh!" dat you hear when some dumba** motorist roars past you while engaging in an "extended honk". Okay, okay --- so maybe he's "just trying to be friendly" by saying hello to a familiar face by the roadside (you), but as gas-station attendant Dale says in the Red Green Show episode, "Hurricane Doug", it's far more cheerful/polite and less startling/grating on the eardrums to just briefly "tap the hooter" a couple times as you go by.

And incident of Doppler-effect horn-blowing can be even more annoying and emotionally draining (i.e., it can become a Droppler effect sometimes) if you either (1) do not recognize whoever it was who honked at you, and so you are left to wonder "who that might have been" and/or if he possibly mistook you for someone else while your back was turned, or (2) don't have a clue as to the driver's reason for honking at you, and so you are left to wonder what you might have been doing that caused him to either notice or be upset with you. Plus of course if there are one or more other people in your immediate vicinity at the time, you may even be unsure if said extended honk was actually "untended for you", or if the driver was noisily "addressing" someone else nearby --- or all of you in general --- instead of you personally.

by QuacksO July 20, 2019

credentals

Da background, experience, and employment-history of an "open wide and say 'ah'" doctor.

Routine oral exams can sometimes actually CAUSE cavities, so I am always wary and hesitant about having anyone "care" for my pearly-whites, especially since it's often "like pulling teeth" to obtain said practitioners' credentals.

by QuacksO June 25, 2020

Searia

A Middle-Eastern country were it's so unbearably hot dat you nigh-get broiled alive if you venture outdoors during da day.

One way to escape da heat in Searia is to rest in a pond or lake during da day; da only prob wif dis strategy, of course, is dat said body of water may literally evaporate in da furnace-hot temperatures, and thus you may find yourself sweltering in a shallow pit of dry mud before da day is out.

by QuacksO December 13, 2019

low-hanging fruit

Describes a buxom gal's "melons" dat are fairly "loose 'n' limp" instead of being tautly-firm and perky, and so they droop down and wobble around whenever she bends over.

During our intimacy-sessions in bed, I love asking Tiffany to go down on all fours and position her torso overtop of me so dat I can reach up and savor her low-hanging fruit.

by QuacksO March 31, 2021

Louwheezeiana

Da Golf Of Mexico state where lots of da residents are short of breath.

With all of da hot sauce dat dey produce in Louwheezeiana, it's no wonder dat so many folks are going around gasping for air during backyard barbecues.

by QuacksO March 17, 2021