crytearya 

Specific "boxes dat must be checked" in order for someone to eye-floodingly bawl and blubber.

Selfishly-entitled individuals like Ethan Couch view anything whatsoever dat doesn't go exactly to their liking as crytearya to squallingly go through great wads of Kleenex.

crytearya by QuacksO January 8, 2024

crytearya 

Da "measures 'n' degrees" of da unique circumstances in a particular situation, with regards to whether copiously-streaming eyes are warranted.

In Lewis Carrol's poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter", da "flippered finagler" pretended to appropriately react --- i.e., have rivers of saline-solution cascading down his cheeks --- to his and his wood-and-nails-fabricator-buddy's eating da oysters, but --- though da situation did indeed have ample "crytearya" to warrant said blubbery reaction --- his apparent soul-wrenching sorrow was actually all just so much shamelessly-fake posturing... just like da Carpenter, he absolutely loved chowing down on said luscious delicacies, and so he didn't truly feel even one bit genuinely sorry for what he was doing.

crytearya by QuacksO April 10, 2024

crytearia 

Da standards or sets of rules dat determine whether it would be reasonable/acceptable for you to "bawl 'n' blubber" yer eyes out over some matter or issue dat upsets you.

In "Alice In Wonderland", Alice absolutely "cried me a river" due to her feeling lonesome and unable to leave da large circular meeting-hall where da White Rabbit had led her. In the end, however, it all turned out to have just been a dream, so I dunno if most folks would have considered there to have been sufficient crytearia to justify all of Alice's copious eyes-streaming, even allowing for the fact that she was "just a young child". Same deal wif da selfish two-faced Walrus in Lewis Carrol's other masterwork for children, "Through The Looking Glass" --- said large leathery-skinned mammal may indeed have ACTED all "sad 'n' sorry" for da oysters dat he and his gluttonous carpenter-buddy had unashamedly stuffed their cheeks wif, but he was actually even **more** luscious-shellfish-meat-greedy than da Carpenter, which was blatantly demonstrated by his not only selecting da largest oysters for himself, but also holding up his handkerchief between himself and da Carpenter to hide how many of said sumptuous delicacies dat he was actually eating.

crytearia by QuacksO April 25, 2020

Crystearbate 

When you are depressed but have a mean erection and have to masturbate and cry. Like it is 2am and you are thinking about an ex or just get a random mean erection during a depression episode and as you engage in masturbation you think of something sad during the climax and your cry from your dick and you eyes.

Last night was rough, I was in a bad state of mind but damn I had to crystearbate

Crystearbate by Dongwa May 2, 2019

cryteria 

1. A set of rules or standards that determine whether something warrants turning on the ol' saline-solution glands about.
2. A set of rules or standards that are so tedious/picky/demanding that it would drive you to turning on the ol' saline-solution glands in stress/exhaustion/frustration.

Ethan Couch --- and by extension, his absurdly-indulgent father, who offered to actually buy da school so dat his Little Prince could be coddled da way he preferred --- seemed to view da standard school-rules as being "cryteria" merely because they required him to behave himself and treat da staff and his classmates in a reasonable and decent manner.

cryteria by QuacksO June 3, 2019