Pete Dick's definitions

TPL

Time Per Lay--The time per lay is an index that measures how much time one spends to get in someone else's pants. The goal being to have as low a TPL as possible. Time Per Lay becomes more important the more money you make at your job. The logic being that you could in fact spend more to get laid more, but to make sense you must not have to take as much time out of your day to get laid.

Cook: "Hey have you banged that girl you have been seeing yet?"

Pete: "No, we have already gone out on three dates too!"

Cook: "Damn dude, that is going to ruin your TPL."

Pete: "Don't remind me ass hole!!!"

by Pete Dick January 10, 2008

stalking horse

Someone or something whose role is to become the focal point for, or the initiator of, a debate or challenge. However, in reality their leadership role is an illusion, and the stalking horse is really working to promote a challenge or debate that will benefit a third party whose identity remains a secret.

Pete: "You been watching what them Clintons are up to?"
Cook: "I've been trying to ignore them now for 12 years."
Pete: "Well Slick Willie has been attacking Obama."
Cook: "Why?"
Pete: "Well he is acting as a stalking horse for Hillary to damage Obama's rep."
Cook: "I figured Obama already damaged his rep."
Pete: "Not as much as Willie can."
Cook: "Your wisdom is boundless."

by Pete Dick February 13, 2008

jack leg

someone who lacks knowledge or ability to do things properly.

The Cooker: "Hey did you ever use Uncle Freddie as a lawyer?"
Pete Dick: "yeah, and he is a real jack leg, find somebody else!"

by Pete Dick July 5, 2008

to paint houses

mobster jargon for killing someone.

Boss: "I heard you like to paint houses."
Thug: "Yes, and I do my own carpentry as well."
Boss: "Excellent

by Pete Dick February 17, 2008

braggadocio

empty boasting, arrogant pretension, a swaggering, cocky manner.

Cook: "Who's that loud fuck sitting across the bar."
Pete: "Oh, that's Adam."
Cook: "What a dickhead."
Pete: "Yeah, but in spite of all the braggadocio, I actually like the guy."
Cook: "Really?"
Pete: "No, really?"

by Pete Dick February 13, 2008

helicopter money

large amounts of money that bypasses the tax system and is moved into the pockets of wealthy households and companies through unfair tax credits and cuts at the expense of good working people.

Pete Dick: "damn, Pepper, you seem to be in the mood for celebrating."
Pepper: "well I am, me and my brother Salt just closed on a deal that made us millions of dollars of helicopter money and is backed by the taxpayers."
Pete Dick: "good work, you truly are an international man of leisure."
Pepper: "and your not?"
Pete Dick: "shut up and Irish yourself."

by Pete Dick March 21, 2008

ass patrol

when the local police squad spends more time looking for women than actual criminals.

Chelsea: "I can't believe it, I got pulled over the other day outside of the Kirk Hotel"
Pete Dick: "Woa, what did you do?"
Chelsea: "I was driving 55 in a 30 with no license plates, oh and I was driving down the wrong side of the street with no lights on and it was night time, think I blew past a couple stop signs and had "Fuck the Police" on the radio."
Pete Dick: "You must have gotten at least five tickets."
Chelsea: "Not a single one, I am so lucky!"
Pete Dick: "Lucky??? That cop was obviously just on ass patrol."
Chelsea: "You think?"
Pete Dick: "Yes, he was jacking for beats"
Chelsea: "Wow"

by Pete Dick March 15, 2008