PaulAllensCard's definitions

Jungle Dusting

Sprinkling someone else's pillow with pubic hair that's been ground into dust or chopped up into tiny enough pieces that it will 1. not be easily seen or detected and 2. likely be inhaled, ingested and stuck to the face not unlike glitter.

Other names include Grinch Powder, Dream Glitter, The Salty Sandman, Fairy Dust, Pillow Peppering

"Grandma, I am so sorry to have to tell you this right now, with you being in the hospital and so ill.... Okay, remember that Christmas you gave me the 60" Vizio plasma TV when I very clearly wanted the Sony LED? Well, I jungle dusted your pillow the next time you came to stay with us. Whoo! Damn, I feel SO much better now that you know!! Bye gram-gram."

Jungle Dusting.

by PaulAllensCard January 31, 2015

Ejector Treats

The candy that blows out everywhere when a pilot hits the ejector seat to bail out of a fighter jet.

That way, you may have lost your cool airplane and will soon become a P.O.W. but at least there is candy.

During WWII, the Germans were the first to experiment with Ejector Treats

by PaulAllensCard February 5, 2015

Newskkake

Newskkake (noun, pron. "Nooz-Cocky", variation of root word Bukkake)

1. When annoying news or sports "reminders" explode all over your phone/ tablet/ computer notifications bar (Modern connotation)

2. When you subscribe to so many newspapers that legions of delivery boys eject their loads onto your lawn every night (Classic connotation)

(TV news anchor speaking) "We'll have more later on that possible nuke theft by ISIS, but first, more bizarre behavior by Lindsay Lohan! Apparently, LiLo has been spotted with what appears to be a custom built dildo-crackpipe hybrid, *and* what she's tweeting about it could save you money! For those of you at work, switch off your ringer and prepare for the inevitable all-day Newskkake."

by PaulAllensCard February 2, 2015

Ve-Gon

A spray that repels vegans

This weekend I'm driving to Santa Monica, so I'm gonna need a few cans of Ve-Gon

by PaulAllensCard February 6, 2015

Girth Control Pills

Girth Control Pills (def., noun): Any prescription to remedy erectile dysfunction. Includes known dick pills like Viagra, Cialis and Hardonex.

~One more gash-gouging original term by AndyBones, the man who wields the net handle PaulAllensCard~

With these new girth control pills, you can literally see your own reflection on your cock!

by PaulAllensCard November 21, 2016

Cosby Jacket

The arrest record of a serial rapist or sex offender ("Jacket" being an acronym for a criminal history file). A play on the infamous "Cosby Sweater".

An in-depth background check on the school janitor revealed a Cosby Jacket hidden in his closet.

by PaulAllensCard January 29, 2015

Christian Bail

Bail money put forth by the Catholic Church to release a priest from jail on molestation charges

Your Holiness, we have put up millions in Christian Bail- the gold-plated high-rise cathedral project must be put on hold for now

by PaulAllensCard February 3, 2015