PaulAllensCard's definitions

Rasputin's Revenge

A mean prank for which you will need the following items: A sleeping girlfriend or friend, an apple carved into a little jack-o-lantern complete with a lit birthday candle inside, and a glass of icewater. Hang the scary apple-lantern from a string in front of the sleeper's face, dip your hand in the icewater until it's very cold, and then cover their mouth with your icy hand. They will instantly wake up and see a red glowing head in their face and attempt to scream, only to be muffled by an icy, dead hand.

"My girlfriend would not have sex with me last night, so later I pulled the old Rasputin's Revenge"

by PaulAllensCard May 20, 2013

Cocoa Puff

When you sit on someone else's pillow and blow a hot, rancid fart into it as you slowly raise your ass off it to create a sponge effect that will trap the smell inside. Later when that person goes to bed and presses their head into the pillow, the stale fart is ejected right into their face.

My mother-in-law is staying in the guest room, so I made sure to leave a cocoa puff in both pillows.

by PaulAllensCard January 29, 2015

Travelsectomy

TRAvel-sectomy Eng., N.: A horrible incident, drug or procedure which neutralizes one's will to travel

A bunch of motherfuckers are gonna get a travelsectomy this year

by PaulAllensCard January 20, 2021

Controligarch

Controligarch English, noun: This is the fun part- YOU get to do my thinking 👍🎅🏿
Make it about your boyf, or if you ARE the quasi-abusive boyoyff then make it about your Russian gamepad issues financially driven to politically influence things on yachts with tacky gold and marble decor- it's bananas! Go nuts you deserve it

The word is "controligarch"
By the way there's some shit on the northwest corner of your touchscreen, sugarplum. Give it a wet wipe yo 💕

by PaulAllensCard January 20, 2021

Flirty Sanchez

Playfully "drawing" a mustache on your partner's upper lip, with a clean finger and prior to any sexual activity

The night was going well. Carlito paused in the middle of the kiss to give Michelle a Flirty Sanchez, which should've warned her what might later touch her face.

by PaulAllensCard February 6, 2015

The Anal Iconoclast

A gasoline-powered dildo with 7mm studs, which I designed while in art school. Features a chainsaw-style grip, 6-speed transmission and a twin-turbocharged V8. Hybrid model is in the works.

The Anal Iconoclast is rated at 600 horsepower and 91-octane fuel is recommended.

by PaulAllensCard February 5, 2015

Gash Stache

Gash Stache (def., noun): An artfully-manicured pubic adornment above a woman's vagina. This may include the Hitler, the popular landing strip, a classic inverted triangle, the suggestive "V", a 19th Century handlebar fuckstache, or a variety of fun shapes depending on the steady hand and precision grooming equipment. A clean shave is always welcome, but a fun little patch of fur above the V-zone can be a great touch. The Bin Laden beard however, is not.

~A sensational new word from AndyBones, aka PaulAllensCard- Lovingly tending to G-spots & clitoris (pl.-clitori?) since boot-cut jeans were in style~

A cute little "gash stache" is a nice change of pace between the bald weeks ladies, don't be a slave to the wax strip.

by PaulAllensCard November 22, 2016