PaulAllensCard's definitions

Butt Rocket

A shot of drugs up the ass via oral syringe (the kind you use to feed a baby squirrel or whatever)

I have never done a butt rocket, I'm simply reporting it's existence.

by PaulAllensCard October 13, 2015

Douche Coupe

Douche Coupe: A person of such extremely lame character it's neither practical nor easy to handle- it's full on turbo sporting; a level of lameness that contrasts the utilitarian minivan of jerkoff (and even surpasses the douchiness of a giant lifted truck with those chrome testicles swinging from the bumper) with downright flamboyant, high-performance Ferrari-quality shortcomings.

Inspired partially by the classic oldie, "My little douche-coupe... You don't know what I got!"

Glenn Beck is a raging V-12 douche coupe.

by PaulAllensCard January 29, 2015

Ejector Treats

The candy that blows out everywhere when a pilot hits the ejector seat to bail out of a fighter jet.

That way, you may have lost your cool airplane and will soon become a P.O.W. but at least there is candy.

During WWII, the Germans were the first to experiment with Ejector Treats

by PaulAllensCard February 5, 2015

Ve-Gon

A spray that repels vegans

This weekend I'm driving to Santa Monica, so I'm gonna need a few cans of Ve-Gon

by PaulAllensCard February 6, 2015

Newskkake

Newskkake (noun, pron. "Nooz-Cocky", variation of root word Bukkake)

1. When annoying news or sports "reminders" explode all over your phone/ tablet/ computer notifications bar (Modern connotation)

2. When you subscribe to so many newspapers that legions of delivery boys eject their loads onto your lawn every night (Classic connotation)

(TV news anchor speaking) "We'll have more later on that possible nuke theft by ISIS, but first, more bizarre behavior by Lindsay Lohan! Apparently, LiLo has been spotted with what appears to be a custom built dildo-crackpipe hybrid, *and* what she's tweeting about it could save you money! For those of you at work, switch off your ringer and prepare for the inevitable all-day Newskkake."

by PaulAllensCard February 2, 2015

Blummie

Slang word for a "blumpkin". Which is also a slang word. If you don't know what a blumpkin is yet, then fuck you

To-do list: 1. Buy a new garden hose 2. Install new dart board 3. Catch a blummie

by PaulAllensCard December 12, 2016

Hot Wax Dart

(noun) A forceful, high-velocity shot of semen, typically pressurized by a long-term buildup resulting from:

1. Infrequent tug sessions

2. Denial of sex or

3. Inconclusive vaginal/ oral copulation

Sex-starved for months, Carlos finally bedded Vanessa. After twelve seconds of furious thrusting a painful spike in his ball-pressure erupted, firing a deadly Hot Wax Dart directly into Vanessa's cervix
....and therefore scoring a Balls-eye.

by PaulAllensCard February 4, 2015