16 definitions by Mike and Mike the Accountants
See "New Jersey soap pump", except the aforementioned soap pump is reciprocated by the pumpee to the pumper using the the pumper's semen as lubricant for the sump pump.
Mike 1: Dude my hands are so cold, I could really go for a New Jersey sump pump right now, would you mind initiating with a New Jersey soap pump and I'll complete the process?
Mike 2: Sure man!
Mike 2: Sure man!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 3, 2017
The thoughts a male has during intercourse to delay his impending ejaculation. Examples include sports, work, movies and his grandmother's loose, grungy, mothball ridden cunt.
Mike 2: Dude I came in like .08 seconds last night, my wife was pissed.
Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!
Mike 1: Guess you weren't thinking outside the box!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 29, 2017
The stupid shit people say whilst in the act of intercourse, presumably to arouse their partners. Examples include "Your dick is so hard/big", "you're so wet", "you feel so good inside of me", "you're gonna make me cum so hard", etc. This occurs exponentially more frequently in adult films-likely for the viewing pleasure of the audience.
Mike 1: Yo I slayed this slam piece over the weekend
Mike 2: How was it?
Mike 2: Pretty awesome, but her bang blabber was fucking annoying
Mike 2: How was it?
Mike 2: Pretty awesome, but her bang blabber was fucking annoying
by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 9, 2017
"Raped" spelled backward. This term refers to the very small percentage of the time where a person (likely female) implores you to stop touching, groping, or performing any other sexual advances when, in fact, the individual actually wants said advances but expresses the opposite sentiment for various, unknown reasons. You, being the upstanding and law-abiding individual that you are, immediately cease all sexual advances in efforts to avoid rape and/or sexual harassment charges. Usually the person being "sexually harassed" sends a disappointed text message the next day asking why you stopped your sexual advances and adds something like "I wanted to fuck you so badly".
Kelly: Mike, what happened last night, I wanted you to fuck my brains out?
Me: You yelled "stop you're raping me"!
Kelly: I was just saying that so you'd try harder!
Me: Omg I just got depar
Me: You yelled "stop you're raping me"!
Kelly: I was just saying that so you'd try harder!
Me: Omg I just got depar
by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 16, 2017
This act normally occurs during heterosexual intercourse performed in the "reverse cowgirl" position, but can occur in the midst of other positions. While the man's penis is inside the woman and she moves too far one way (typically towards the man's feet), causing an outstretched, uncomfortable sensation for the man.
Mike 2: Me Julie was riding me reverse cowgirl last night and gave my dick a serious case of cuntorsion the way she was movin.
Mike 1: Weird, that never seems to happen to me...
Mike 1: Weird, that never seems to happen to me...
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 14, 2017
A Siberian mudslide can be performed via multiple sexual positions and among both heterosexual and homosexual partners, however doggystyle is the preferable position for maximum value. It is also recommended that you ingest a large helping of horse laxatives approximately 30-40 minutes before sex. After ejaculating onto your partner's back (preferably as high as possible without entering the neck area), quickly point your anus onto the semen that you've just laid and defecate as much as possible before your partner moves. Your partner will quickly realize what is transpiring, causing him or her to quickly jump up, thus causing the whitish-brown semen feces explosion to slide down his or her back, thus resembling an icy mudslide in Siberia.
Mike 1: Yo you'll never guess what I did to my wife last night!
Mike 2: Dude what???
Mike 1: I took 30 grams of pure bear laxatives, came on her back and gave her a good old Siberian mudslide.
Mike 2: Dude no way, let me get some of those laxatives and I'll try it tonight!
Mike 2: Dude what???
Mike 1: I took 30 grams of pure bear laxatives, came on her back and gave her a good old Siberian mudslide.
Mike 2: Dude no way, let me get some of those laxatives and I'll try it tonight!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 10, 2017
When one skips the first few minutes of a pornographic video (in most cases, free and online) that set up the plot of the porn. These few minutes are often filled by poor acting and frequently face plot issues such as hesitancy toward incest, sexual ultimatums, school girls offering sexual favors to their teachers, etc. Some pornographic sites have recently begun to do everyone a favor and provide bookmarks in their videos so that one may "fap forward" precisely to the sexual content.
Mike 1: Yo I was hesitant to click on this 50 minute porno on Brazzers last night but it was totally worth it!
Mike 2: Wow you sat through the whole thing?
Mike 1: No I just fap forwarded 38 minutes past the principal convincing the school girl to deep-throat his chode.
Mike 2: Wow you sat through the whole thing?
Mike 1: No I just fap forwarded 38 minutes past the principal convincing the school girl to deep-throat his chode.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 28, 2017