16 definitions by Mike and Mike the Accountants
Common among older men, this refers to a condition in which one's urination stream is halted briefly every few seconds, then quickly returns to normal pressure. This cycle can occur several times during urination, depending on the volume of liquid being released. Contracting a busted stick shift can be caused by several medical conditions, but is most prevalent as a result of enlarged prostate gland complications. The term is derived from the ebb in motion caused when shifting gears using a manual transmission car. The change in acceleration revolving around this phenomenon is often embellished by poor driving and or broken (i.e. busted) stick shift. For the sake of this definition, the "stick" refers to the man's penis.
Mike 1: Dude that director that was pissing next to me had a totally busted stick shift.
Mike 2: O yea? He should consider masturbating more, I hear it clears prostate complications
Mike 2: O yea? He should consider masturbating more, I hear it clears prostate complications
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 7, 2017
The act of a male inserting his penis into a women's vagina after pulling it out of her anus. Presumably there is fecal matter on the man's penis, which ultimately makes its way to the woman's vagina.
Mike 1: Some bitch wanted me to pound her ass last night.
Mike 2: How'd it go?
Mike 1: Pretty nasty in fact, she tapped out after like 3 seconds but I made sure I got my nut by giving her the old muddy snapper. I then doused my cock in Clorox.
Mike 2: How'd it go?
Mike 1: Pretty nasty in fact, she tapped out after like 3 seconds but I made sure I got my nut by giving her the old muddy snapper. I then doused my cock in Clorox.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants September 15, 2017
During the act of male masturbation, cruise cumtrol is the task of maintaining one's erection either whilst browsing pornographic videos, while the video is loading/buffering, while the video is streaming mundane content (see "fap forward"), during the awkward scrotum vag exclusive shots, etc. If performed correctly, cruise cumtrol requires minimal lubrication due to the speed of the stroke, and increases the intensity of one's orgasm. The inconvenient truth of the matter is that the cruise cumtrol stage of masturbation often lasts the majority duration of the masturbatory session but significantly enhances the size of the male's warm gooey bukake mess.
Mike 1: Dude I had like a 40 min fap sesh last night
Mike 2: Your dick must be raw as roadkill!
Mike 1: Naw I was in the act of cruise cumtrol for 99% of it and how I have to send my mac to the apple store for cleaning...
Mike 2: Your dick must be raw as roadkill!
Mike 1: Naw I was in the act of cruise cumtrol for 99% of it and how I have to send my mac to the apple store for cleaning...
by Mike and Mike the Accountants September 7, 2017
Similar to a stealth bomber, this is when a male attempts to hide his erection from others. Depending on the intensity of the erection, the size of the male's penis, and the clothes he is wearing, the male may go about a stealth boner in several ways:the most common is to stick his penis upwardly flat against his abdomen using his pants to hold it down. If the erection is only mild in intensity, he may try and hold the erection against his thigh in his pant leg. Attempting to have a stealth boner is exponentially more difficult whilst wearing gym shorts and/or no shirt. Most men grow increasingly adept at using stealth boners since the onset of puberty.
Mike 2: Dude I gotta go talk to one of the director's but that hot audit chick gave me a raging stiffy...what do I do???
Mike 1: Just walk in with a stealth boner dumbass!
Mike 1: Just walk in with a stealth boner dumbass!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 9, 2017
When a man attends Easter Sunday mass, (most often against his will by force of family, significant other etc.) he will quickly become incredibly disinterested and will look elsewhere to pass the time. It is at this moment that he realizes all the female parishioners dressing in their " Easter Sunday best" (i.e. dressing as promiscuously as possible despite the irony of attending church). It is important to note that this is one of the first times all year where the temperature permits the wearing of scantily clad clothing. After this phenomenon has been noted by the male, he will then begin to seek out the best looking women among the parish whom are dressed slutty as fuck, and begin to daydream about fucking the shit out of them. It is by this, and only this process, that the man is able to maintain his sanity during the mass. In some cases, the male might even take mental images for his spank bank.
Mike 1: Easter's coming up man, my lady's gonna make me go to church. Shit.
Mike 2: At least you have the easter egg cunt to look forward to!
Mike 2: At least you have the easter egg cunt to look forward to!
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 14, 2017
This usually, but not exclusively, is performed on a hot, muggy day. When a male's scrotum coheres to his inner thigh thus causing his testicular area to become clammy, moist, and generally uncomfortable. To relieve this sensation, the man will stretch his legs (whilst standing) outwardly toward either side of his body and switch between leaning to each side of his body while simultaneously bending the respective knee he is leaning toward. If performed properly, a stretchsticle will give the appearance that the man is simply limbering up, or loosening his lower body after vigorous activity and will actually make him seem more athletic, relaxed and generally active. On the contrary, there will invariably be a large portion of the male population that will see through this deceit and realize that their fellow brethren is simply airing out his steamy dank-ass grundle.
Mike 1: Do you think that hot audit chick noticed I was doing a stretchsticle while I was talking to her?
Mike 2: No dude, she prob just though you were stretching your groin cus of hours of sex.
Mike 2: No dude, she prob just though you were stretching your groin cus of hours of sex.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 7, 2017
Often following intercourse with a large African American mule pecker or a large member in general, this is a term denoting vaginal soreness or discomfort post-coitus. Cuntusion can also be spawned from very rough sex or lack of adequate lubrication. Following a cuntision, it is recommended that the vaginal area receive 3-4 days of rest, although this does not preclude external vulva play. To expedite the healing process, it is recommended that the female stay at least 50 feet from large African American males. Symptoms include swelling, soreness, chafing and discomfort while urinating.
Mike 1: Yo did you see the latest Sixers draft pick?
Mike 2: Yea man, he looks like a guy that would give my lady a serious cuntusion.
Mike 2: Yea man, he looks like a guy that would give my lady a serious cuntusion.
by Mike and Mike the Accountants March 31, 2017