King Festus's definitions

shit ton

a lot

I have a shit ton of beers in my fridge.

by King Festus August 21, 2003

stories

What white-trash call Television shows.

Bubba, run to the Piggly Wiggly and pick mamma up some smokes. I don't want to miss my stories.

by King Festus September 26, 2005

dickfish

Slang term for blonde catfish usually caught in the Sacramento River Delta. These catfish are usually the size of a nice penis.

"Did you catch anything?"

"Nah, just a half-dozen dickfish."

by King Festus December 4, 2005

misclean

When you do a poor job of wiping your anus after crapping.

Oh man, I am so itchy and uncomfortable. I miscleaned.

by King Festus June 16, 2005

Karl Malden

A Vodka Soda with ice.

What would you like with your supper? I'll have a Karl Malden.

by King Festus September 26, 2005

Formal Diarrhea

When you are away from home and are overcome with the urge to blow mud. The feeling is so fierce, that you must A. Go home to pour dung or B. Head to an establishment with a nice, clean bathroom setting. Tie preferred, no jacket required.

"Man, I was at work and needed to broadcast feces, but there was a co-worker in the stall next to me. Rather than paint the bowel there, I headed home to have Formal Diarrhea ."

by King Festus August 9, 2006