Kate Sjostrand's definitions

election result

The conclusion to the democratic process employed by various locals said to represent the will of the people. It is often achieved through a process known as counting, whereby a perceived majority claims victory over the perceived minority (please note that actual numbers are seldom referenced until they have been placed into the appropriate provisional ballot box where they are deemed as false votes and duly discarded until the desired result has been achieved).

Ted: Hey, did you hear that Obama won the election in New Mexico?

Ralph: Really? What was the election result?

Ted: All of the delegates went to Hillary.

by Kate Sjostrand February 14, 2008

Counting

The incremental process that we teach to our 3 year olds so that they know how to accurately articulate the number of desired cookies. Counting is sometimes used to achieve an election result, but more often is seen in the private sector as a mechanism of identifying the millionth product sold by a given manufacturer.

Ted: How did they figure out who bought the billionth McDonald's cheeseburger?

Ralph: They were counting.

by Kate Sjostrand February 14, 2008

management

An ambiguous entity that typically occupies the upper floors of buildings belonging to corporations. Management creates policies, procedures, and various directives designed to stagnate a workforce’s creativity while simultaneously providing obstacles to the accomplishment of work.

Ted: Oh, my God! Now I have to fill out this stupid checklist and run it through QA before I can start the machine after shift changeover.

Ralph: That’s management for you.

by Kate Sjostrand February 19, 2008

GCE

GCE is an acronym for "gross conceptual error". Originating in the nuclear navy, the acronym is used to point out when someone's logic is severely flawed.

Ted: You'd think that the water out of the water softener would taste salty with as much salt as we add to soften it up.

Ralph: Dude, GCE. The salt doesn't go into the water, it replenishes sites on the ion exchanger!

by Kate Sjostrand February 19, 2008

panties

A word used to challenge another's masculinity, especially when drinking coffee.

Ted: Would you like a cup of coffee?

Ralph: Sure.

Upon receiving the cup, Ralph starts putting sugar and cream into his coffee.

Ted: Would you like some panties with that coffee?

by Kate Sjostrand February 20, 2008

caucus

A system utilized in the determination of a party's candidate that is very similar to a primary, only without the voting.

Ted: Who are you voting for in the primaries, Hillary or Obama?

Ralph: Neither, our state has a caucus.

by Kate Sjostrand February 20, 2008

smokey room

Ambiguous location where long-reaching political decisions are said to be made, such as determining political candidates after a caucus. The term can also be used to suggest political or other improprieties, but almost always has corrupt undertones.

Ted: Can you believe Hillary still won the primary after the record turnout for Obama?

Ralph: Yeah, tell me that decision wasn't made in a smokey room.

by Kate Sjostrand February 20, 2008