Definitions by Joreth
DADT
Don't Ask Don't Tell -
1) The Don't Ask Don't Tell policy in the US military, in which homosexuality was to be overlooked as long as no one asked about it and it wasn't obvious or wasn't revealed in any manner. It was intended to give gay members of the military some freedom from persecution, but has, in practice, forced gay people into the closet when revealing their relationship or sexual orientation is cause for punishment.
2) A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people.
Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frown on DADT relationships, and choose not to become involved in such relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including: the idea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simply be cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which that person's partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permits other relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as a way of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and the fact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communication within the existing relationship.
1) The Don't Ask Don't Tell policy in the US military, in which homosexuality was to be overlooked as long as no one asked about it and it wasn't obvious or wasn't revealed in any manner. It was intended to give gay members of the military some freedom from persecution, but has, in practice, forced gay people into the closet when revealing their relationship or sexual orientation is cause for punishment.
2) A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people.
Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frown on DADT relationships, and choose not to become involved in such relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including: the idea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simply be cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which that person's partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permits other relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as a way of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and the fact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communication within the existing relationship.
Percivalian
Taken from the tales of King Aurther and his knight, Percival, this refers to a person or couple who is searching for the "holy grail", the "unicorn", the HBB.
Percival did locate the Grail at one time, but, being too immature and failing to ask the proper question, he failed in attaining the Grail and he must grow spiritually and mentally before he could locate it again.
Percival is described in some places as "the least worldly and the least groomed of all the knights", having been raised in the woods away from society, and "extremely pious but somewhat naive".
This is analogous to a couple who is new to polyamory and, lacking sufficient role models in alternative relationships and lacking the experience themselves to understand the complex nature of multi-partner relationships, the couple believes, rather naively, that the way to circumvent jealousy, possession, or feeling "left out", is to find one person to share equally.
The rationale is that one partner cannot get jealous if he or she gets to do all the same things at the same time with the new partner as the existing partner. This does not refer to triads that just happen to spring up because the relationship between all involved was most compatible in a triad relationship. This is specifically for existing dyads seeking the Hot Bi Babe to "complete" their family and perhaps solve any underlying issues along the way.
Percival did locate the Grail at one time, but, being too immature and failing to ask the proper question, he failed in attaining the Grail and he must grow spiritually and mentally before he could locate it again.
Percival is described in some places as "the least worldly and the least groomed of all the knights", having been raised in the woods away from society, and "extremely pious but somewhat naive".
This is analogous to a couple who is new to polyamory and, lacking sufficient role models in alternative relationships and lacking the experience themselves to understand the complex nature of multi-partner relationships, the couple believes, rather naively, that the way to circumvent jealousy, possession, or feeling "left out", is to find one person to share equally.
The rationale is that one partner cannot get jealous if he or she gets to do all the same things at the same time with the new partner as the existing partner. This does not refer to triads that just happen to spring up because the relationship between all involved was most compatible in a triad relationship. This is specifically for existing dyads seeking the Hot Bi Babe to "complete" their family and perhaps solve any underlying issues along the way.
That skeevy couple over there hitting on all the young females trying to find a Hot Bi Babe for their threesome is just Percivalian
Percivalian by Joreth April 8, 2010
Unicorn
Colloquial; Synonym for hot bi babe or HBB, often derogatory, condescending, or ironic. A bisexual person, usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple.
The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous. Because of the demands that this type of couple places on the woman (that she be single and not take on any additional partners, and become involved with both members of the couple equally, and often "complete" their family as a surrogate mother and housekeeper and/or breadwinner and not do anything that may threaten or disrupt the existing couple), many in the poly community call this type of woman a "unicorn", as in mythical and not likely to be found, even though there are plenty of bipoly women around.
Sometimes the unicorn is expected to not develop any emotional attachment and is strictly there for a sexual relationship (equally distributed to both members of the dyad) and/or is prescripted as a secondary. This term is used as a reminder that bipoly women are people with their own desires, needs, and pre-existing lives, and not fantasy figures or pets. See related prescriptive vs. descriptive.
The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous. Because of the demands that this type of couple places on the woman (that she be single and not take on any additional partners, and become involved with both members of the couple equally, and often "complete" their family as a surrogate mother and housekeeper and/or breadwinner and not do anything that may threaten or disrupt the existing couple), many in the poly community call this type of woman a "unicorn", as in mythical and not likely to be found, even though there are plenty of bipoly women around.
Sometimes the unicorn is expected to not develop any emotional attachment and is strictly there for a sexual relationship (equally distributed to both members of the dyad) and/or is prescripted as a secondary. This term is used as a reminder that bipoly women are people with their own desires, needs, and pre-existing lives, and not fantasy figures or pets. See related prescriptive vs. descriptive.
John wants a single, attractive woman who will love and have sex equally with him and his wife, but not interfere with their marriage, move in together, help raise their kids but not have any of her own, and not have any other partners. He's looking for something that doesn't exist - he's looking for a unicorn!
Free Agent
A person who practices polyamory in a way that tends to separate, compartmentalize, or isolate all of his or her romantic relationships from one another, treating each as a separate entity. A free agent often presents himself or herself as "single" or behaves in ways which are typically associated with the behavior of a single person even when he or she has romantic partners, and often does not consider the potential impact of new relationships upon existing relationships when deciding whether or not to pursue those new relationships.
Commentary: Some believe there are not necessarily two distinct styles of polyamory, those of Free Agent and Family-Oriented. But rather there is a continuum with Free Agent on one end and Family-Oriented on the other. Most people fall somewhere in the middle to one side or the other, with extreme examples of Free Agent resembling casual sex partners or friends with benefits where the partners have no contact and possibly even no knowledge of each other (but an acknowledgement of an open relationship or no sexual committment); and extreme examples of Family-Oriented resembling Polyfidelitous relationships where any new partner of anyone in the Polyfidelitous group automatically has an equal relationship with all other members of the group. Some people are capable of having relationships of varying degrees of emotional intimacy and may slide along the continuum at different times with different relationships.
Commentary: Some believe there are not necessarily two distinct styles of polyamory, those of Free Agent and Family-Oriented. But rather there is a continuum with Free Agent on one end and Family-Oriented on the other. Most people fall somewhere in the middle to one side or the other, with extreme examples of Free Agent resembling casual sex partners or friends with benefits where the partners have no contact and possibly even no knowledge of each other (but an acknowledgement of an open relationship or no sexual committment); and extreme examples of Family-Oriented resembling Polyfidelitous relationships where any new partner of anyone in the Polyfidelitous group automatically has an equal relationship with all other members of the group. Some people are capable of having relationships of varying degrees of emotional intimacy and may slide along the continuum at different times with different relationships.
John is dating Sally and Suzy, but Sally and Suzy have not met and do not know each other and John does not consult Sally or Suzy when deciding to take on more partners. John is a Free Agent
Free Agent by Joreth April 8, 2010
Dyad
A relationship involving exactly two people. The most accepted form of romantic relationship in most Western countries is a monogamous dyad.
Often used in the poly communities to refer specifically to two people within a poly relationship or to distinguish between specific branches of a multi-person relationship network.
Often used in the poly communities to refer specifically to two people within a poly relationship or to distinguish between specific branches of a multi-person relationship network.