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Jamie Douglas's definitions

Corridor of Uncertainty

1. A line in football exactly between the back line and the goalkeeper, usually roughly level with the six-yard-box. Any cross into the Corridor of Uncertainty will cause all sorts of panicky and comedy defending as neither goalie nor defence are sure to come or stay.

2. A line in cricket, when the ball pitches usually on a length, just outside the batsmans off-stump. It is such a good line that it leaves the batsman unsure of whether or not to play a shot, and usually results in either an edge, a play-and-a-miss or some other form of comedy cricket.

3. A dark alleyway.

4. A womans anus. Do you dare venture into the Corridor of Uncertainty?
Ooh, he's put that cross right along the Corridor of Uncertainty and caught the defence in one dilly of a pickle!

Fletcher: "If you keep putting the ball into the Corridor of Uncertainty, you'll get an edge for a wicket eventually."
Harmison: "OK, but what if I just bowl at second slip?"

Paul: "Let's go this way. It's a short cut."
Mike: "No, I can't see down there - it's a Corridor of Uncertainty."

James: "Let's have sex!"
Milly: "We can't, it's my time of the month!"
James: "No worries, I'll just put it in the Corridor of Uncertainty."
Milly: "Ouch!"
by Jamie Douglas January 5, 2007
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previously

Before now.

Several things have happened previously, including the second world war and unidentified drinking injuries.

No-one can prevent things that happened previously.
"Children should learn about things that happened previously."

"I previously had a job."

"Previously to you, I had another wife."
by Jamie Douglas November 20, 2006
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crushed

When your whole world caves in on top of you (metaphorically or physically), you can be described as being crushed.

You can be crushed by large weights, but the most painful type of 'crushing' for a man is when he is smitten with a young lady over a long period of time (a co-worker or flatmate for example), only to be rejected when he attempts to initate a relationship. Normally a man crushed in such a way will be inconsolable for a few weeks, and will probably never recover. The only way for a man to avoid being crushed in such a way is to avoid ever getting emotionally close to a woman, and as such lead a lonely but un-crushable existance.

Women, being the apostles of Satan, are not crushable in this way. But they are crushable physically.
Richard: "Poor Clinton was knocked back by Julie,"
Samuel: "Yeah, he was crushed."
by Jamie Douglas September 3, 2006
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Really really really sweaty. Imagine a chubby fellow dining out at his local pastry shop - he stands, salivating, over the counter wondering which fatty treat to shove down his gullet, and then indecision strikes and he sweats over what to order. That's how sweaty you are if you're sweating like a fat man in a cake shop.

Incidently, if you are a fat person and want a way to avoid such problems as choosing which cake, my advice is to simply buy everything. Problem solved
Kirsty: 'How was your squash game?'
Jim: 'Great, but now I'm sweating like a fat man in a cake shop.'
by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006
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military golf

Means you're going: Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right ...

Another excellent golfing put down.
"Into the trees again boyo, I didn't realise we were playing military golf"
by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006
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Fat enough to bend light

If someone is morbidly rotund, obese, or even a little overweight they can be described as being 'fat enough to bend light'. This derives from the fact that massive solar bodies like the sun have enough gravitational pull to alter the path of light rays, a process known as bending. Hence if you suggest someone is fat enough to bend light you are implying they have a weight equivalent to a large star, i.e. many millions of tonnes, and hence must be mocked as such.
"Golly gosh, that poor girl is fat enough to bend light!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Michelles husband is fat enough to bend light. Let's go give him a cake!"
by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006
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Peter Crouch

Without doubt, the finest footballer taller than eight feet in the universe. With an uncanny knack for unravelling his telescopic legs Peter Crouch was able to dominate world football for a generation, winning the FA Cup in 2006, the English League in 2008, the world cup in 2010 and becoming president of the Galaxy a short time later. Peter Crouch is a hero of our time.
Let's gan down t'kop and cheer Peter Crouch
by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006
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