Herbert Schweffe's definitions

Schofielding

Schofielding

Hiding ones sexual orientation in plain view. Preferably for a number of decades and under the red hot glare of the media spotlight.

As the interview reached its climax, the silver haired chat show host couldn't keep his eyes off the Iraq war veterans bulging biceps. "What must he look like with his top off" he wondered. The commercial break couldn't come quick enough. As he ran to the green room toilets, he discharged violently and without control, soaking the crouch and one entire trouser leg of his immaculately tailored Saville Row suit.

"Enough's enough!" he exclaimed, as his Producer towelled him dry

"it really is time to tell the kids."

"I totally agree" sighed his long suffering Producer,

"you really have been Schofielding for way too long."

by Herbert Schweffe February 7, 2020

Protein Balloon

To ejaculate and hold the keeps in the foreskin, pinching the end to block seepage.

Barry thundered towards a massive orgasm and without missing a beat, Rick smartly grabbed the end of his foreskin, just as the tip of Barry's flesh chimney filled up like a protein balloon. Rick positioned his nostrils in line with Barry's shuddering trunk and released his grip...

by Herbert Schweffe November 15, 2017

flesh chimney

erect penis

To mum's horror, Simon pulled off his trousers and paraded around the sitting room; proudly sticking his angry erection in the air like a big flesh chimney.

by Herbert Schweffe November 15, 2017

cyock

a cock, with more emphasis.

As Alan stood at the bus stop, he could feel Paul's heavy cyock pressing against his leg.

by Herbert Schweffe November 15, 2017

keeps

Spunk held in high regard. (Normally semen from the ringleader or alpha male)

Justin sprayed his magnificent keeps all over Adrian's outstretched hands, as Clive and Gordon clambered desperately for their own greedy fist full .

by Herbert Schweffe February 9, 2018

Gunk Cannon

A particularly large and angry erection

Gary dropped to his knees to admire Alan’s enormous Gunk Cannon, “I couldn’t possibly fit that in” he exclaimed.

by Herbert Schweffe October 24, 2019

Spuff

A word smash of ‘Stuff’ and ‘Spunk’; quantities of semen so voluminous that it simply becomes meaningless or immeasurable… like the amount of individual shit tickets on a jumbo roll of toilet paper, or the quantity of dog turd collected by every council in the UK over the course of a year.

As Angus, Felix, Humphrey, Baxter, Maddox, Julien Clive and Barney all reached a frenzied and unified climax, they released enormous ribbons of Spuff over Duncan’s prone backside…
Later, as they moped up their collective triumph, it dawned upon Maddox how much more Spuff they could have created if Henry, Jacob, Gerald, Marmaduke, Cecil, Peter and Eggy Rupert hadn’t all been away at the Rugby 7’s in Gloucester.

by Herbert Schweffe June 18, 2023