To mum's horror, Simon pulled off his trousers and paraded around the sitting room; proudly sticking his angry erection in the air like a big flesh chimney.
by Herbert Schweffe November 16, 2017
Lord Hazelmere unleashed a fountain of hot spaff all over the marble floor. He hauled himself back into his trousers and left the room. From the shadows, his man-servant emerged with a Tupperware box and scooped up the holy juice for safe keeping.
‘’That’s some good keeps’’ he chuckled.
‘’That’s some good keeps’’ he chuckled.
by Herbert Schweffe August 14, 2018
In isolation wards where patients die alone, nurses fill rubber gloves full of hot doctor spunk, to simulate comfort.
As Grandma Trisha took her last dying breathes, a nurse lovingly attached a warm comfort glove to her ancient outstretched hand.
by Herbert Schweffe April 10, 2021
A word smash of ‘Stuff’ and ‘Spunk’; quantities of semen so voluminous that it simply becomes meaningless or immeasurable… like the amount of individual shit tickets on a jumbo roll of toilet paper, or the quantity of dog turd collected by every council in the UK over the course of a year.
As Angus, Felix, Humphrey, Baxter, Maddox, Julien Clive and Barney all reached a frenzied and unified climax, they released enormous ribbons of Spuff over Duncan’s prone backside…
Later, as they moped up their collective triumph, it dawned upon Maddox how much more Spuff they could have created if Henry, Jacob, Gerald, Marmaduke, Cecil, Peter and Eggy Rupert hadn’t all been away at the Rugby 7’s in Gloucester.
Later, as they moped up their collective triumph, it dawned upon Maddox how much more Spuff they could have created if Henry, Jacob, Gerald, Marmaduke, Cecil, Peter and Eggy Rupert hadn’t all been away at the Rugby 7’s in Gloucester.
by Herbert Schweffe June 18, 2023
At Grandad’s wake, Uncle Mungo creeped over to me, he stank of semen and cigarettes... he was clearly pleased to see me, judging by the way he dribbled in my ear and rubbed his crotch on my thigh as he forced me into a horrific GUG...,
I hate gugging at a family get-together, it really puts me off Auntie Tabatha’s excellent scotch eggs.
I hate gugging at a family get-together, it really puts me off Auntie Tabatha’s excellent scotch eggs.
by Herbert Schweffe June 02, 2021
Planked - Hit with the ugly stick
by Herbert Schweffe February 23, 2021
Schofielding
Hiding ones sexual orientation in plain view. Preferably for a number of decades and under the red hot glare of the media spotlight.
Hiding ones sexual orientation in plain view. Preferably for a number of decades and under the red hot glare of the media spotlight.
As the interview reached its climax, the silver haired chat show host couldn't keep his eyes off the Iraq war veterans bulging biceps. "What must he look like with his top off" he wondered. The commercial break couldn't come quick enough. As he ran to the green room toilets, he discharged violently and without control, soaking the crouch and one entire trouser leg of his immaculately tailored Saville Row suit.
"Enough's enough!" he exclaimed, as his Producer towelled him dry
"it really is time to tell the kids."
"I totally agree" sighed his long suffering Producer,
"you really have been Schofielding for way too long."
"Enough's enough!" he exclaimed, as his Producer towelled him dry
"it really is time to tell the kids."
"I totally agree" sighed his long suffering Producer,
"you really have been Schofielding for way too long."
by Herbert Schweffe February 07, 2020