A necrophilia and coprophilia based sex act, in which a hazletard removes a corpse's head, defecates in the esophagus, and has sex with the esophagus.
hazletard: Nothing like visting the morgue at Hazleton General Hospital, and pulling off a Hazleton Hot Pocket!
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 10, 2010

The newest nickname for Hazleton, Pennsylvania. Based on the facts: a) Hazleton misspelled it's own name; b) all attempts to salvage this city always fail; c) Hazleton, PA = epic fail.
Another pimp killed another ho, instead of pimping that bitch for mad money. Welcome to Failzeton, biatch!
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 24, 2010

The nonexistent gang, all the the wiggers in Hazleton claim to be a member of. Sometimes shortened to "Nationwide."
hazletard: I'm in da Nationwide Thugs, yo. I'll cap your ass.
human: Does the Aryan Brotherhood, now except wiggers? That's the prison gang that runs the white section in state prison. That's were crackers like you go, when you keep this act up into adulthood.
hazletard: Watch your mouth fool. Nationwide will fuck you up.
human: Thanks, for all the footage of your terroristic threats, for my new cellphone. Enjoy prison, biznitch!
hazletard: I'm sorry. Don't call the police. I just act like this, because I'm a loser.
human: Does the Aryan Brotherhood, now except wiggers? That's the prison gang that runs the white section in state prison. That's were crackers like you go, when you keep this act up into adulthood.
hazletard: Watch your mouth fool. Nationwide will fuck you up.
human: Thanks, for all the footage of your terroristic threats, for my new cellphone. Enjoy prison, biznitch!
hazletard: I'm sorry. Don't call the police. I just act like this, because I'm a loser.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

An unofficial landmark for kids in the Hazleton area of Anthracite Coal Region, consisting of a formation of rocks resembling a couch. It is located east of Hazleton, and south of Eckley Miner's Village Historic Site & Museum.
The Stone Couch appears to be man-made, but the culture that manufactured it is unknown. It is purportedly haunted, but no proof by local paranormal investigators have turned up any evidence.
Local legend says that if you sit on it once, you get scratched. Twice you sit on it, something bad happens to somebody close to you. Thrice you sit on it, you die.
The Stone Couch appears to be man-made, but the culture that manufactured it is unknown. It is purportedly haunted, but no proof by local paranormal investigators have turned up any evidence.
Local legend says that if you sit on it once, you get scratched. Twice you sit on it, something bad happens to somebody close to you. Thrice you sit on it, you die.
The Stone Couch isn't scary at all, but just plain queer. The worst that can happen, is you waste a tank of gas looking for it.
by Hazletard-in-Chief November 22, 2010

1. The signature sketch of prop comic Gallagher, in which he smashes miscellaneous items with a large mallet not an actual sledgehammer. Apparently, a sledgehammer is too heterosexual. 2. A potent strain of methamphetamine, named after the above prop comic. Originating from around Hazleton, Pennsylvania. Taken orally, intravenously, anally, vaginally, nasally and smoked. The original lab was raided at the dawn of 2010, but is back in operation.
1. douche bag: I brought the clear plastic tarp for Gallagher's show. Hope he brings the Gallagher Sledge-O-Matic. Hee hee hee.
2. hazletard: I need a quarter hit of some Gallagher Sledge-O-Matic, bad. So I can suck truck driver cock for enough cash for a full hit, no homo.
2. hazletard: I need a quarter hit of some Gallagher Sledge-O-Matic, bad. So I can suck truck driver cock for enough cash for a full hit, no homo.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

The nonprofit organization that provides the vast majority of psychotherapy for the psychopaths in the Hazleton PA area. The majority of it's patients never get better.
nutty fuck 1: I need some pussy. And I need it fast.
nutty fuck 2: Don't you buttfuck your girlfriend, so she doesn't get pregnant? That's why you need pussy so bad. Asshole is no substitute.
nutty fuck 1: The doctor up a Northeast Counseling told me to either cut my balls off or fudge pack her ass. The last option seems less painful.
nutty fuck 2: To you, that is.
nutty fuck 2: Don't you buttfuck your girlfriend, so she doesn't get pregnant? That's why you need pussy so bad. Asshole is no substitute.
nutty fuck 1: The doctor up a Northeast Counseling told me to either cut my balls off or fudge pack her ass. The last option seems less painful.
nutty fuck 2: To you, that is.
by Hazletard-in-Chief August 18, 2011

Nicole: I am so happy to be a highschool English teacher. I also get to head the yearbook staff. I love yearbook.
Melvin: Fucking reschooler. God your pathetic.
Nicole: Your just jealous, because your a self employed businessman, making seven figures a quarter. While I am getting to relive highschool everyday.
Melvin: I'd rather relive the gang bang I had at the Playboy Mansion last week.
Melvin: Fucking reschooler. God your pathetic.
Nicole: Your just jealous, because your a self employed businessman, making seven figures a quarter. While I am getting to relive highschool everyday.
Melvin: I'd rather relive the gang bang I had at the Playboy Mansion last week.
by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011
