Hazleton Hot Pocket

A necrophilia and coprophilia based sex act, in which a hazletard removes a corpse's head, defecates in the esophagus, and has sex with the esophagus.
hazletard: Nothing like visting the morgue at Hazleton General Hospital, and pulling off a Hazleton Hot Pocket!
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 09, 2010
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Stone Coucher

Any person(s) that urinate(s), defecate(s) and/or fornicate(s) on the Stone Couch near Hazleton, PA 18201. Most usually brag about it, without shame.
PA State Trooper 1: Let's stake out the Stone Couch for some Stone Couchers. It's time they go to jail for their immoral behavior.

PA State Trooper 2: The heck with that. Let us shit, piss and fuck on the couch.

PA State Trooper 1: Ooh you're a notty Trooper, ready to stab my pooper.

(Freaky gay law enforcement loving ensues. A box of Dunkin Donuts is involved, as well.)
by Hazletard-in-Chief November 12, 2011
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bloody hazleton

A form of mutual masturbation, in which heavily menstruating woman hangs upside-down while her male partner masturbates her. He catches any falling menstrual blood with his penis, which his partner uses as lubricant to masturbate him.
"Nothing makes my nuts bust, quite like a bloody hazleton."

--Jack Palance
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 10, 2010
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hazleton

A style of mutual masturbation, in which a woman hangs upside-down, while her male partner stands rightside up.
man: This hazleton, is the bomb. We got to do it more often.

woman: Shut the fuck up, and work my clit!
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 10, 2010
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hazleton with cheese

A form of mutal masturbation, in which a yeast infected woman hangs by her feet, while a man mastubates her. He catches soft yeast falling from her vagina on his penis, and she uses it as lubricant, to masturbate his penis.
pervert: I love your fishy stank all over my cock.

bitch: Hope you enjoy it, I didn't clean my snatch for several weeks.

pervert: The hazleton with cheese is the bomb.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 10, 2010
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Hazleton drifting

A form of racing, in which a shopping cart is forced into a over-steer. Popular in Hazleton, PA, because cars and gasoline aren't covered by food stamps.
hazletard: I won the Hazleton drifting competition in the Walmart parking lot.

me: Fucking sped.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 10, 2010
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Chinese swing

A swing with accessibility to the rider's genitalia/anus. Supposedly invented in the far east. It could be as simple as a hammock, or as complex as an injection molded custom fit unit upwards of $1500.
me: Let's go down to my sex dungeon, and try out my new Chinese swing. It has thermionic heating and cooling.

some chick: Damn you know how to fuck in luxury.

me: You're making me blush.
by Hazletard-in-Chief May 31, 2011
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