The best car in existence, at least according to
craigslist.
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Buy a
1999 Toyota Corolla
mug!
A maker of both awesome movies and horrible movies. While Alien, Gladiator, Blade Runner, and Prometheus were amazing, Exodus and Robin Hood and Legend were complete failures. Choose a Ridley Scott film wisely.
Man, I don't know if the next Ridley Scott film will be legendary or if it will suck completely!
A modern genre of
electronic music that is influenced primarily by 1980s pop culture. Sounds very similar to
Italo Disco and usually has retro-futuristic themed album covers.
If you wish music was still like the 80s- it IS like the 80s if it's synthwave.
A phenomenon often appearing on Reddit. It's when a user posts literally anything and someone with a relevant username posts a reply. Similar to
Username Checks Out.
User1234567: The average southerner's brain is slower than a 20 year old computer.
Your_Average_Southerner: Well screw you too.
User8910: r/ beetlejuicing
A phrase used by weak middle schoolers to try and intimidate people bigger than them. Usually followed by a fictional story about their dad's fighting feats.
Bully: I told you to stay away from here. Now hand over any money you got on you!
Victim: Back off or I'm gonna call my dad,
loser. He killed 100 people in
Afghanistan.
Buy a
I'm gonna call my dad
mug!
A horror video game loosely based on Chuck E. Cheese's.
Mom: Hey wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese's?
Kid who plays FNAF: No way! It's hard enough trying to beat the video game Five Nights At Freddy's! I won't stand a chance in real life!
Buy a
Five Nights At Freddy's
mug!
An obscure Japanese sci-fi movie that gained a cult following. Directed by Masato Harada, it follows a group of scavengers in a cyberpunk future going to a remote island to steal valuable computer tech, only to discover the island is still being run by a genocidal supercomputer known as Kyron-5. The movie's title refers to a mecha that the heroes use to fight their way off the island.
The movie was a big project jointly produced by Toho, Nippon Sunrise, Kadokawa, Bandai, and Imagica. It remains one of the most ambitious live-action Japanese films to date, with a budget equivalent to $14.4 million. In addition to Japanese actors, a few roles were taken by American actors, such as Brenda Bakke, James "Brewster" Thompson, Randy Reyes, and Michael Yancy. The original Japanese version used both Japanese and English spoken dialogue, due in part to the international cast.
The movie's choppy editing and confusing plot almost completely derailed it despite its amazing special effects and production design. It bombed both domestically and internationally, and Masato Harada was so embarrassed that he instead credited the infamous Hollywood pseudonym "Alan Smithee" in international releases.
All in all, it is a flawed movie, but has several redeeming qualities that make it entertaining, and though it is a rare find on home video formats, I recommend trying it out if you have the means.
Brooklyn: We could sell it for more than the chips.
Bebe: Sell what?
Brooklyn: Gunhed.
Bebe: It's too heavy.
Barabbas: Gunhed parts get a good price, if it's still here.
