You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
by Exterminator (not really) October 17, 2019
A phrase used by weak middle schoolers to try and intimidate people bigger than them. Usually followed by a fictional story about their dad's fighting feats.
Bully: I told you to stay away from here. Now hand over any money you got on you!
Victim: Back off or I'm gonna call my dad, loser. He killed 100 people in Afghanistan.
Victim: Back off or I'm gonna call my dad, loser. He killed 100 people in Afghanistan.
by Exterminator (not really) August 15, 2019
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved. For the machine is immortal. Even in death, I serve the Omnissiah.
by Exterminator (not really) November 22, 2024
A type of droid in Star Wars designed to kill important people. Despite being among the most badass droids featured in the franchise, they weren't done justice until the release of The Mandalorian.
Clone Trooper: We can kick battle droid butt!
Clone Commander: But that's an Assassin Droid...
Clone Trooper: Shit...
Clone Commander: But that's an Assassin Droid...
Clone Trooper: Shit...
by Exterminator (not really) December 02, 2019
...she hides in a cave west of the Laskyar Ruins, which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I'm sure.
Find the albinauric woman to get a cool summon. Then summon her for the Sir Gideon Ofnir, The All-knowing boss fight to make his defeat more ironic.
by Exterminator (not really) February 05, 2025
A maker of both awesome movies and horrible movies. While Alien, Gladiator, Blade Runner, and Prometheus were amazing, Exodus and Robin Hood and Legend were complete failures. Choose a Ridley Scott film wisely.
by Exterminator (not really) March 14, 2019
A phenomenon often appearing on Reddit. It's when a user posts literally anything and someone with a relevant username posts a reply. Similar to Username Checks Out.
User1234567: The average southerner's brain is slower than a 20 year old computer.
Your_Average_Southerner: Well screw you too.
User8910: r/ beetlejuicing
Your_Average_Southerner: Well screw you too.
User8910: r/ beetlejuicing
by Exterminator (not really) June 05, 2020