A former US Navy officer who loves watching TV. He often sits with a remote in his hand, patting the sofa as if it were a ship. The most famous Sofa Captain is Captain Earl Pickles, USN Ret.
Earl: Hey Nelson, you want to sit here with your favorite Sofa Captain? I think 'The Flintstones' is on.
Nelson: You are a such a goof! Of course I'll sit there with you.
Earl: (like a sea captain) Aye aye! Clear sailing ahead, matey!
Nelson: (like a sea captain) Arrgh, the goodship Flintstones dead ahead!
Opal: Anybody want some brownies and milk? Sofa Captains needs their snacks, you know!
Nelson: You are a such a goof! Of course I'll sit there with you.
Earl: (like a sea captain) Aye aye! Clear sailing ahead, matey!
Nelson: (like a sea captain) Arrgh, the goodship Flintstones dead ahead!
Opal: Anybody want some brownies and milk? Sofa Captains needs their snacks, you know!
by Dusty's Baby Powder January 21, 2011
Get the Sofa Captainmug. Intense obsession with the look of one's toenails. Often shown by cutting them while doing something else, often with very freaky results. Most notably observed by June Drabble on her husband Ralph.
Beatrice: Yuck! Your feet are all sweaty. Don't be such a nail timber!
Ralph: But my toenails grew too long, I had to cut them!
Beatrice: That's freaky. Jogging and cutting your toenails - that just doesn't mix right.
Ralph: (scoffing) Oh yeah, well you try it Beatrice Middleton! We'll see if you're a nail timber someday!
Beatrice: (storming off) That's it! I'm gonna go run with Morris. At least he's not a nail timber like you!!!
Ralph: But my toenails grew too long, I had to cut them!
Beatrice: That's freaky. Jogging and cutting your toenails - that just doesn't mix right.
Ralph: (scoffing) Oh yeah, well you try it Beatrice Middleton! We'll see if you're a nail timber someday!
Beatrice: (storming off) That's it! I'm gonna go run with Morris. At least he's not a nail timber like you!!!
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 23, 2010
Get the Nail Timbermug. A black and white warm up suit shared by Ben and Liv Hatley. Most often worn by Ben when he rides on the Benmobile, but also shared by Liv when she does Tai Chi. The often put it on in the mornings when they get up so they can stretch themselves. So when you see it, look out, because Ben Hatley has got his Hunk Suit on!
Ben: (riding on the Benmobile) Hey, I better get my Hunk Suit on. We're gonna play some soccer today! I'd better burn off some of this goo.
Nick: Hey, I got my soccer ball. How about we play soccer?
Ben: I'm not sure I know how. Can you teach me?
Nick: Well, its not hard to kick a soccer ball. Here, I'll show you. Spread your feet out so you get a good stance behind it. Then, you angle yourself to get a good shot - about 45 degrees, or so. And then you run toward the ball and slap it with your foot. Here, watch Mommy do it!
Patty: Here, Dad, he's right! I'll show you how. He's got the right idea. But when you're kicking it, try to squat down into the kick. That's where all the power comes from.
Ben: Alright, I'll try. Here it goes! (Nick throws a soccer ball to Ben and Ben shoots it) Wow, look at that thing go! Watch out Havard Flo, here comes Ben Hatley!
Nick: (laughing) Wow! You've sure learned fast.
Ben: Well, I had a great coach, Patty Hatley Tokoname. (Ben and Patty slap a high five. Then Ben high fives Nick)
Nick: You look good in that Hunk Suit. You're a hunka hunka Hatley love!!
Nick: Hey, I got my soccer ball. How about we play soccer?
Ben: I'm not sure I know how. Can you teach me?
Nick: Well, its not hard to kick a soccer ball. Here, I'll show you. Spread your feet out so you get a good stance behind it. Then, you angle yourself to get a good shot - about 45 degrees, or so. And then you run toward the ball and slap it with your foot. Here, watch Mommy do it!
Patty: Here, Dad, he's right! I'll show you how. He's got the right idea. But when you're kicking it, try to squat down into the kick. That's where all the power comes from.
Ben: Alright, I'll try. Here it goes! (Nick throws a soccer ball to Ben and Ben shoots it) Wow, look at that thing go! Watch out Havard Flo, here comes Ben Hatley!
Nick: (laughing) Wow! You've sure learned fast.
Ben: Well, I had a great coach, Patty Hatley Tokoname. (Ben and Patty slap a high five. Then Ben high fives Nick)
Nick: You look good in that Hunk Suit. You're a hunka hunka Hatley love!!
by Dusty's Baby Powder June 12, 2011
Get the Hunk Suitmug. The surgical removal of stress. Often done in a doctor's office or at home. Can be anything, but most often refers to massaging and stretching. The word literally means "removal of relaxation". The first relaxectomy was done by Hec Hanley on Beatrice Middleton. This is a nice way to relieve stress and is best if done before bed. So if you're tired or stressed out don't go to any yoga or tai chi classes. Go for a relaxectomy - they are so cool.
Beatrice: Oh no, I'm so stressed out. I need a relaxectomy.
Hec: Well, no problem. We can get our relax on right here, right now. Have we got any Martian Mud?
Beatrice: I see where this is going. You're thinking of giving me a full body rub down, aren't you?
Hec: Yeah, we got the Martian Mud here alright. Hold still, now. (He starts rubbing Beatrice with the Martian Mud) There you go! Now, isn't that creamy?
Beatrice: Yes! That is really creamy. What else can we do?
Hec: We're both still a little bit stressed. How about some warm up stretches? (they do a Hanley Hula) Now, that's nice, isn't it? Don't you feel loose?
Beatrice: Not just loose - limber! Just look at that swing! Now, a Gunny Granny knows what she's talking about. Remember my creed, "A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!"
Hec: This is a relaxectomy. The world's only stress surgery. Pretty sweet, huh?`
Hec: Well, no problem. We can get our relax on right here, right now. Have we got any Martian Mud?
Beatrice: I see where this is going. You're thinking of giving me a full body rub down, aren't you?
Hec: Yeah, we got the Martian Mud here alright. Hold still, now. (He starts rubbing Beatrice with the Martian Mud) There you go! Now, isn't that creamy?
Beatrice: Yes! That is really creamy. What else can we do?
Hec: We're both still a little bit stressed. How about some warm up stretches? (they do a Hanley Hula) Now, that's nice, isn't it? Don't you feel loose?
Beatrice: Not just loose - limber! Just look at that swing! Now, a Gunny Granny knows what she's talking about. Remember my creed, "A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!"
Hec: This is a relaxectomy. The world's only stress surgery. Pretty sweet, huh?`
by Dusty's Baby Powder July 23, 2011
Get the Relaxectomymug. A very painful form of arthritis suffered by Ralph Drabble, especially after working in the yard. The condition is so painful that sometimes he can hardly stand up. It is often accompanied by him talking to his body, saying things such as "Come on, left knee!" or "Keep going lower back!" The best known cure is the Drabble Stand, the exercise with which he ends his yard chores.
Ralph: Oh no, not Ralphritis! I'm gonna have to do a Drabble Stand, big time. Come on, left knee! You can do this! Easy, easy now.
LeRoy: What is that? What's with the groaning? Why are you cheering on your body like that? I don't do that.
Ralph: (he massaging his knees because he was kneeling on the ground) Its my Ralphritis. Its this disease I have. Terrible stuff.
LeRoy: I've got almost the same thing. My knees hurt when I run. Or when I've been working out too much. (he bends down and touches his toes) See, I know just what you're talking about. It is terrible.
Ralph: Yeah, we're in the same boat. We both have arthritis. But at least we know how to stretch it off. Its not easy with Ralphritis, though.
LeRoy: How do you do it? I want to know.
Ralph: A Drabble Stand. Here, I'll show you how. (He shows LeRoy how) You ease up out of the kneel. You don't just go all at once. That way you'll get a good stretch. See? Its easy. (both speaking together) Here's to Ralphritis! A yard warrior's best friend!
LeRoy: What is that? What's with the groaning? Why are you cheering on your body like that? I don't do that.
Ralph: (he massaging his knees because he was kneeling on the ground) Its my Ralphritis. Its this disease I have. Terrible stuff.
LeRoy: I've got almost the same thing. My knees hurt when I run. Or when I've been working out too much. (he bends down and touches his toes) See, I know just what you're talking about. It is terrible.
Ralph: Yeah, we're in the same boat. We both have arthritis. But at least we know how to stretch it off. Its not easy with Ralphritis, though.
LeRoy: How do you do it? I want to know.
Ralph: A Drabble Stand. Here, I'll show you how. (He shows LeRoy how) You ease up out of the kneel. You don't just go all at once. That way you'll get a good stretch. See? Its easy. (both speaking together) Here's to Ralphritis! A yard warrior's best friend!
by Dusty's Baby Powder August 17, 2011
Get the Ralphritismug. Showing of affiliation for any school that uses blue as a school color. But most notably used against The University of North Carolina by fans of Duke.
Morris: Hey, Duke and UNC are playing tonight mom!
Beatrice: Oh my God, they're gonna get caught bluehanded!
Morris: The Duke fans are on the prowl. The bluehands are gonna be everywhere!!
Beatrice: Oh my God, they're gonna get caught bluehanded!
Morris: The Duke fans are on the prowl. The bluehands are gonna be everywhere!!
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 11, 2010
Get the Bluehandedmug. A dance done at Camp Swampy by Major Randy "Birdie" Burk. Mostly done after a winning golf game. He will stamp his feet into the dirt, peck at the ground like a chicken, and wave his hands in the air. Similar to the Dirty Bird fan move. So if you want to stay out until about 12:30 play golf with Birdie Burk and learn the Dirty Birdie!
Birdie: Yes, I beat you good, Halftrack! (jumps up and down in excitement) Dirty Birdie, take that! (starts doing the Dirty Birdie)
Amos: Yeah, you beat me all right. What's this dance you're doing? Is that the Dirty Bird? (he starts following what Birdie's doing)
Birdie: No. Its not the Dirty Bird, its the Dirty Birdie. Its a dance that I do every time I win a golf game. You stamp your feet, peck like a chicken, and then do the Dirty Bird. Beetle Bailey fans will love it.
Amos: Sweet! This is a great new dance. When we get back I'm going to show it to Marty. We'll be doing the Dirty Birdie all the way down.
Birdie: Oh yes! The Dirty Birdie rules! Its a sweet move. It doesn't hurty when you do the Dirty Birdie!
Amos: Sweet! (they high five each other and stamp their feet)
Amos: Yeah, you beat me all right. What's this dance you're doing? Is that the Dirty Bird? (he starts following what Birdie's doing)
Birdie: No. Its not the Dirty Bird, its the Dirty Birdie. Its a dance that I do every time I win a golf game. You stamp your feet, peck like a chicken, and then do the Dirty Bird. Beetle Bailey fans will love it.
Amos: Sweet! This is a great new dance. When we get back I'm going to show it to Marty. We'll be doing the Dirty Birdie all the way down.
Birdie: Oh yes! The Dirty Birdie rules! Its a sweet move. It doesn't hurty when you do the Dirty Birdie!
Amos: Sweet! (they high five each other and stamp their feet)
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 29, 2011
Get the Dirty Birdiemug.