Relaxectomy 

The surgical removal of stress. Often done in a doctor's office or at home. Can be anything, but most often refers to massaging and stretching. The word literally means "removal of relaxation". The first relaxectomy was done by Hec Hanley on Beatrice Middleton. This is a nice way to relieve stress and is best if done before bed. So if you're tired or stressed out don't go to any yoga or tai chi classes. Go for a relaxectomy - they are so cool.

Beatrice: Oh no, I'm so stressed out. I need a relaxectomy.

Hec: Well, no problem. We can get our relax on right here, right now. Have we got any Martian Mud?

Beatrice: I see where this is going. You're thinking of giving me a full body rub down, aren't you?

Hec: Yeah, we got the Martian Mud here alright. Hold still, now. (He starts rubbing Beatrice with the Martian Mud) There you go! Now, isn't that creamy?

Beatrice: Yes! That is really creamy. What else can we do?

Hec: We're both still a little bit stressed. How about some warm up stretches? (they do a Hanley Hula) Now, that's nice, isn't it? Don't you feel loose?

Beatrice: Not just loose - limber! Just look at that swing! Now, a Gunny Granny knows what she's talking about. Remember my creed, "A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!"

Hec: This is a relaxectomy. The world's only stress surgery. Pretty sweet, huh?`

Relaxectomy by Dusty's Baby Powder July 23, 2011