A circuit training program which combines exercise with massage. This was created by Major Martha Halftrack, US Army (Ret.). Usually done in the mornings before her husband, Amos, gets up. It is very comforting. So, if you want comfort without a barrage, go to Camp Swampy and get a Marty Massage.
Marty: Hey Bryant, you look tired, honey. What can I do to wake you up? (Suddenly snaps her hand) I know, how about a Marty Massage? You love those!
Bryant: Okay, how about five minutes of massage, then we run down to the DFAC and back again, and then another massage? (Jumps up and takes off running)
Marty: Whoah! Hold up! We haven't even done the warm up stretches, yet. Remember, you can't do PT cold body. You'd rip a muscle, sweetie pie.
Amos: What are you two doing? Oh, the Marty Massage? I love that! Can I do it, too?
Bryant: Sure! Drop and give me one-fifty! (Blows the whistle) Ten HUT!
Marty: Good God! One hundred and fifty push ups? That's a lot of push ups. That's my honeybear, don't burn him up!
Bryant: I'm not. (They all start running for the DFAC) I'm hungry. All this exercise made me want to eat.
Amos: Whoah! Me too! I gotta eat. Then, after we eat, we can burn off more goo. Good thing she knows what she's talking about.
Marty: Well, would any of you like a massage? Its not just exercise, its massage too! The Marty Massage is awesome!
Bryant: Okay, how about five minutes of massage, then we run down to the DFAC and back again, and then another massage? (Jumps up and takes off running)
Marty: Whoah! Hold up! We haven't even done the warm up stretches, yet. Remember, you can't do PT cold body. You'd rip a muscle, sweetie pie.
Amos: What are you two doing? Oh, the Marty Massage? I love that! Can I do it, too?
Bryant: Sure! Drop and give me one-fifty! (Blows the whistle) Ten HUT!
Marty: Good God! One hundred and fifty push ups? That's a lot of push ups. That's my honeybear, don't burn him up!
Bryant: I'm not. (They all start running for the DFAC) I'm hungry. All this exercise made me want to eat.
Amos: Whoah! Me too! I gotta eat. Then, after we eat, we can burn off more goo. Good thing she knows what she's talking about.
Marty: Well, would any of you like a massage? Its not just exercise, its massage too! The Marty Massage is awesome!
by Dusty's Baby Powder August 01, 2011
A form of baseball played by Beatrice Middleton and all the neighborhood kids. Often played in the street with her coaching. Grannyball is easy to play. After a run is scored the dogs come and move the bases further apart. Grannyball is most often played in the summer when the kids are out of school. You will love i! Beatrice Middleton told you! If you want a great game to play until fall grab your favorite granny and play Grannyball.
Beatrice: Hey Diego, Wilson, you two up for a game of Granyball? Its going to be fun.
Diego: What's Grannyball? I've never heard of it. Is it good to play?
Beatrice: Of course it is! Its great, I'll teach you! Its just like normal baseball, except played by a bunch of grannies. See?
Wilson: Dang, she's right. This is fun! She knows what she's doing. (He hits a ball) Sweet, homerun!
Beatrice: That's it. We'd better move the bases. (she whistles for the dogs) Come on in. (the dogs move the bases)
Diego: Wow! This game is fun. I'm gonna have to play it with my grandma. She would love it!
Beatrice: Hey, I'm your grandma. I'm both your grandmas. You love me like one! Grannyball is for everyone!
Wilson: You're right, Coach Beatrice, Grannyball rocks. It is the best game we've ever played.
Beatrice: Okay, now that the game's over, we need some exercise. Give me 50! Grannyball rocks! (they all drop to the ground and start doing push ups)
Diego: What's Grannyball? I've never heard of it. Is it good to play?
Beatrice: Of course it is! Its great, I'll teach you! Its just like normal baseball, except played by a bunch of grannies. See?
Wilson: Dang, she's right. This is fun! She knows what she's doing. (He hits a ball) Sweet, homerun!
Beatrice: That's it. We'd better move the bases. (she whistles for the dogs) Come on in. (the dogs move the bases)
Diego: Wow! This game is fun. I'm gonna have to play it with my grandma. She would love it!
Beatrice: Hey, I'm your grandma. I'm both your grandmas. You love me like one! Grannyball is for everyone!
Wilson: You're right, Coach Beatrice, Grannyball rocks. It is the best game we've ever played.
Beatrice: Okay, now that the game's over, we need some exercise. Give me 50! Grannyball rocks! (they all drop to the ground and start doing push ups)
by Dusty's Baby Powder December 25, 2011
A handshake used by Marine Corps soldiers. First invented by Gunnery Sergeant Beatrice Middleton in 1945. Done this way: first, slapping a high five; sliding the hand lower and giving a slightly lower five; closing of fist and tucking the thumb in; then bumping them while saying "Eagle, globe, and anchor"; then as the hand is pulled and shaken and "Away we go!" is said. Also, when the fives are given, "Up high" and "down low" are said as well.
Amos: Hey Sarge, there's a party down in the defac.
Orville: (confused, not knowing what Amos is saying) This crazy thing. What's this hand thing they're doing? Are they trying to show off?
Beatrice: No, it's the Gunny Five. I invented this. Let me show you how.
(Beatrice gives the Gunny Five to Amos. Amos passes the Gunny Five to Orville)
Beatrice: You do it that way, it's easy!
Martha: These men are going crazy. What's with all these fives? I want to learn how.
Beatrice: (demonstrating to Martha) Up high, down low, eagle, globe, and anchor, and away we go!
Martha: (yelling) That's funky. I'm going to have to teach all the soldiers that.
(Orville and Amos wink at each other then look at Martha and give the Gunny Five to Martha)
Orville: (confused, not knowing what Amos is saying) This crazy thing. What's this hand thing they're doing? Are they trying to show off?
Beatrice: No, it's the Gunny Five. I invented this. Let me show you how.
(Beatrice gives the Gunny Five to Amos. Amos passes the Gunny Five to Orville)
Beatrice: You do it that way, it's easy!
Martha: These men are going crazy. What's with all these fives? I want to learn how.
Beatrice: (demonstrating to Martha) Up high, down low, eagle, globe, and anchor, and away we go!
Martha: (yelling) That's funky. I'm going to have to teach all the soldiers that.
(Orville and Amos wink at each other then look at Martha and give the Gunny Five to Martha)
by Dusty's Baby Powder March 03, 2011
Showing of affiliation for any school that uses blue as a school color. But most notably used against The University of North Carolina by fans of Duke.
Morris: Hey, Duke and UNC are playing tonight mom!
Beatrice: Oh my God, they're gonna get caught bluehanded!
Morris: The Duke fans are on the prowl. The bluehands are gonna be everywhere!!
Beatrice: Oh my God, they're gonna get caught bluehanded!
Morris: The Duke fans are on the prowl. The bluehands are gonna be everywhere!!
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 10, 2010
Showing of affiliation for any school that uses blue as a school color. But most notably used against The University of North Carolina by fans of Duke.
Morris: Hey, Duke and UNC are playing tonight mom!
Beatrice: Oh my God, they're gonna get caught bluehanded!
Morris: The Duke fans are on the prowl. The bluehands are gonna be everywhere!!
Beatrice: Oh my God, they're gonna get caught bluehanded!
Morris: The Duke fans are on the prowl. The bluehands are gonna be everywhere!!
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 09, 2010
Slippers that also act as tennis shoes. They can be worn at night or as normal tennis shoes during the day. They are often worn with a bathrobe when doing the nightly exercises known as "Moon Stretches". The only known pair of Slipper Sneaks belongs to GYSGT. Beatrice Middleton. They are crazy sweet. So if you want your feet to be fit for weeks get yourself a pair of Slipper Sneaks.
Beatrice: Hey honey, did you see that moon? I'd better put on my Slipper Sneaks.
Bryant: Okay, it must be time for our Moon Stretches again. But what are Slipper Sneaks?
Beatrice: Only the most comfy sneakers ever! They're not only slippers, they're tennis shoes. You see here? (she lifts her foot up showing Bryant) See, they look like a tennis shoe. But they're also a slipper.
Bryant: Where can I get a pair? I love these!
Beatrice: Easy, honey. I've got tons of these. Now how about we do a nice, soft massage on you? These Slipper Sneaks would work great for that.
Bryant: Awesome! That felt really good. You almost went whole body, there.
Beatrice: Yes, Slipper Sneaks rule! A sneaker and a slipper combined. The best shoes any Gunny Granny could wear. A Gunny Granny's gotta love her shoes, now. (She kisses Bryant)
Bryant: Okay, it must be time for our Moon Stretches again. But what are Slipper Sneaks?
Beatrice: Only the most comfy sneakers ever! They're not only slippers, they're tennis shoes. You see here? (she lifts her foot up showing Bryant) See, they look like a tennis shoe. But they're also a slipper.
Bryant: Where can I get a pair? I love these!
Beatrice: Easy, honey. I've got tons of these. Now how about we do a nice, soft massage on you? These Slipper Sneaks would work great for that.
Bryant: Awesome! That felt really good. You almost went whole body, there.
Beatrice: Yes, Slipper Sneaks rule! A sneaker and a slipper combined. The best shoes any Gunny Granny could wear. A Gunny Granny's gotta love her shoes, now. (She kisses Bryant)
by Dusty's Baby Powder December 04, 2011
A crazy funky dance created by Amos Halftrack. Was first done on April 10, 2011. In order to prepare for this dance, punch or some other liquid must be spilled on the ground so as to make the other person slip in it. Thus creating the image of dancing although it is not. It often ends with the person slamming down onto their bottom with a loud WHOMP sound.
Papa Amos: Hey, wanna dance? There's 'Why Don't We Just Dance' is playing.
Marty: Well, of course. We're gonna have to do the Halftrack Slip here. I'll go get that punch bowl and dump it on the ground. (she takes the punch bowl and pours it on the floor)
Papa Amos: Well, here goes nothing. (He slips and crashes into Sergeant Snorkel who starts laughing at him)
Orville: What is this? This dance looks fun!
Papa Amos: Its the Halftrack Slip. Its the latest craze here at Camp Swampy. Why don't you try it? (he hands Sgt. Snorkel a cup of punch which Sgt. Snorkel pours on the floor)
Stainy: Sweet heavenly angels! This dance is going to slip us all the way back to heaven!
Marty: You're right! We'll be slipping our way through this old swamp until we called up to the Pearly Gates. (she starts rotfl)
Papa Amos: This is more than the Halftrack Slip. Its also the Camp Swampy Stomp!
Marty: Well, of course. We're gonna have to do the Halftrack Slip here. I'll go get that punch bowl and dump it on the ground. (she takes the punch bowl and pours it on the floor)
Papa Amos: Well, here goes nothing. (He slips and crashes into Sergeant Snorkel who starts laughing at him)
Orville: What is this? This dance looks fun!
Papa Amos: Its the Halftrack Slip. Its the latest craze here at Camp Swampy. Why don't you try it? (he hands Sgt. Snorkel a cup of punch which Sgt. Snorkel pours on the floor)
Stainy: Sweet heavenly angels! This dance is going to slip us all the way back to heaven!
Marty: You're right! We'll be slipping our way through this old swamp until we called up to the Pearly Gates. (she starts rotfl)
Papa Amos: This is more than the Halftrack Slip. Its also the Camp Swampy Stomp!
by Dusty's Baby Powder April 11, 2011