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Carl Willis's definitions

pops

n. One's father.
DaLonte, whatup holmes! I saw yo pops be hustlin' crack up on Fifth and Lee, so he musta got his ass paroled or somethin'.

You gonna hafta take dat shit up wif Pops, 'cause girl, I sho-as-hell don't give a damn!
by Carl Willis April 30, 2004
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hair of the dog that bit me

Any alcoholic beverage, the consumption of which is supposed to clear up one's hangover from previous drinking (but will tend to have the opposite effect in reality). Origins of the phrase date back to medieval times, when hairs from a biting dog were put in the bite wound in the belief that this promoted healing.
Lloyd: What will you be drinking, sir?

Jack: Hair of the dog that bit me, Lloyd.

Lloyd: Bourbon on the rocks?

Jack: That'll do it.
by Carl Willis January 7, 2006
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shamrock

Verb.

(1) To screw someone over; scam.

(2) To inflict severe injury upon someone as leverage to facilitate the extortion of money.

"Shamrock" is most frequently encountered in the passive, as in, "you have been shamrocked." (Origin: Shamrock Towing, a notoriously unethical business in the greater Columbus, Ohio area, ca. 1957)
(1) After paying $115 for the predatory towing of his car, Willis figured out he'd been shamrocked and called an attorney.

(2) "You didn't pay Vinnie your protection this month?! Buddy, you are sooo shamrocked!"
by Carl Willis April 27, 2004
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different

adj. Euphemism applying to persons who have a handicap, particularly a behavioral or mental inadequacy. Can be found in the phrase "differently abled," which means (let's face it), "disabled." To be "different" in the most widely-used sense of the term is a bad thing; it means you are retarded. Cf. special, short bus.
Kid: Bobby is incredibly stupid and clumsy, Mr. Mackey.

School Counselor: Son, let's not think those bad thoughts! Bobby is...different. He's just a little "differently abled" from you or I, m'kay? We can't use our language to take water out of his bucket.

Kid: You mean to say he is retarded and rides the short bus.

Counselor: Now, "retarded" is a word that they used back in Germany in the 1930's, but we have moved past that now haven't we...
by Carl Willis August 25, 2004
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bunit

n. Business. ("Ebonified" form of the word)
Jamal gots him some bunit to take care of, what wif all dat crack an' 'hos he deals in!

Ain't none a yo bunit, muthafucka!
by Carl Willis May 21, 2004
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wendy's

n. Fast food chain which cooks up a damn tasty bowl of chili.

If you're too much of a pansy for the "traditional" recipe, you can request that your chili be served without severed human appendages.
Cashier: Hello, welcome to Wendy's, what can we get for you?

Customer: I'll have a large bowl of chili, supersize that please, and uh...can you please hold the fingers and toes in that order, ma'am?
by Carl Willis March 27, 2005
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creation science

n. A fundamentalist Christian outreach concept, in which the intent is to "debunk" science with the word of scripture. Its most vocal adherents are southern and mid-western U.S. evangelical protestants (see Bible Thumper.) Creation "scientists" try to convince "unsaved" people that the Earth was formed in a Creation that took place at the hands of Almighty God a few thousand years ago, and hope their evidence will convert a few of these "unsaved" people to the faith.

Some key tenets of Creation Science:

--Scientists (the real ones) are going to Hell, where they will burn forever for blasphemy of the Holy Word of God.

--"Evolution" is a scam to trick us into believing that wholesome, white Christians have common ancestry with apes and chimps and (oh no, please no...) black people! Evolution is the Devil's Theory (yes, it is just a theory).

--Hell is real, full of sulfur, and it exists in the center of the Earth. (Most persons on Earth will be summarily cast into this Lake of Fire when we pass away.)

Unfortunately, unlike real scientists, Creation Scientists face a non-existent job market. Most find work in blue-collar manufacturing jobs, or else provide for their families by huntin' sqwirls, 'coons and o-possum. Their hobbies range from watching NASCAR, to whippin' the kids, to attending Klan and CCC rallies. Prrrraise Jesus!
Question: How old is this part of the Grand Canyon?

Scientist: This formation is about five million years old, according to our best uranium-lead dating...

Creation Scientist: Them there canyon ain't no more 'n' maybe 4000 years ole,' and if you done believe otherwise, you're a Hellbound sinner, praise the Lord! Now please op'n' all yawl's Bibles to Genesis, Chapter Six and let us remind ourselves of the word of God...
by Carl Willis December 14, 2004
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