Carl Willis's definitions

westinghouse

verb. westinghoused; westinghousing: fr. name of American inventor George Westinghouse. To put a person to death in an electric chair (which in early embodiments were operated from an AC power supply). The attachment of Mr. Westinghouse's name to the electric chair was a form of negative advertizing devised by Thomas Edison.

"The Rosenbergs were westinghoused at Sing Sing Prison yesterday for treason, and the bodies were sent to the morgue in nine-dollar pine caskets."

by Carl Willis January 19, 2006

spamvertise

v. (1) To advertise products or services via unsolicited, bulk email (spam).

(2) To abuse a particular Internet resource--such as a domain name--by spamming, frequently contributing to a blacklisting or loss of value of that resource.

(1) Those Russians are spamvertizing a penis pump that is guaranteed to "make yu0r c-0ck tre-mendous."

(2) B1gPen1sNow.com is a spamvertized domain name; don't buy it.

by Carl Willis November 12, 2004

lead hose

n. A rapid-fire automatic weapon that emits a nearly-continuous stream of bullets.

"After a spate of insurgent attacks, leadership was fed up and decided it was time to wash down the streets of Fallujah with a lead hose. A Humvee-mounted M2 0.50 cal was used on the men at the mosque, while a M134 minigun was chosen to neutralize the women and children in the market. According to FOX News, several insurgents may have been killed in the defensive action."

by Carl Willis June 29, 2006

corium

n. The lava of molten (or previously molten) nuclear fuel resulting from a reactor meltdown. A rather unpleasant material.

Following the meltdown at Springfield Unit I, Mr. Burns hired local schoolchildren at minimum wage to shovel the corium out of the reactor building.

by Carl Willis February 27, 2006

mtvu

(Proper noun / registered trademark) Music TeleVision for Universities. Insufferable pop trash and advertisement network that relentlessly targets the college student audience. MTVU especially tries to cultivate a loyal following from the Spring-Break Party Animals and Trendy Airheads, both of whom comprise the vast majority of the college demographic these days. The whole point of MTVU is to make money, of course. By negotiating contracts to have their inane audiovisual sewage piped into college cafeterias and similar public places on campus, MTVU hopes to brainwash its captive audience into a bunch of pop-culture-crazed, money-spending zombies.

Please see a mental health professional if you are regularly exposed to MTVU at school.

After a year of exposure to MTVU, Derek gave up studying, threw away his bluegrass records and replaced them with 50 Cent, went on a month-long drunken spring break in Cancun, became a bitch for Abercrombie, started dating promiscuous airheaded cheerleaders, bought a Hummer with his parents' money, and entered the wasted brotherhood of Sigma Upsilon Kappa. In short...they won his soul.

by Carl Willis November 9, 2004

creation science

n. A fundamentalist Christian outreach concept, in which the intent is to "debunk" science with the word of scripture. Its most vocal adherents are southern and mid-western U.S. evangelical protestants (see Bible Thumper.) Creation "scientists" try to convince "unsaved" people that the Earth was formed in a Creation that took place at the hands of Almighty God a few thousand years ago, and hope their evidence will convert a few of these "unsaved" people to the faith.

Some key tenets of Creation Science:

--Scientists (the real ones) are going to Hell, where they will burn forever for blasphemy of the Holy Word of God.

--"Evolution" is a scam to trick us into believing that wholesome, white Christians have common ancestry with apes and chimps and (oh no, please no...) black people! Evolution is the Devil's Theory (yes, it is just a theory).

--Hell is real, full of sulfur, and it exists in the center of the Earth. (Most persons on Earth will be summarily cast into this Lake of Fire when we pass away.)

Unfortunately, unlike real scientists, Creation Scientists face a non-existent job market. Most find work in blue-collar manufacturing jobs, or else provide for their families by huntin' sqwirls, 'coons and o-possum. Their hobbies range from watching NASCAR, to whippin' the kids, to attending Klan and CCC rallies. Prrrraise Jesus!

Question: How old is this part of the Grand Canyon?

Scientist: This formation is about five million years old, according to our best uranium-lead dating...

Creation Scientist: Them there canyon ain't no more 'n' maybe 4000 years ole,' and if you done believe otherwise, you're a Hellbound sinner, praise the Lord! Now please op'n' all yawl's Bibles to Genesis, Chapter Six and let us remind ourselves of the word of God...

by Carl Willis December 14, 2004

packing

Adj. (gerundive form, by ellipsis from "to pack heat") Carrying a concealed firearm.

Son, you keep away from dat nigga Rakwan, you heah me? The foo' be packin' and he might just up and cap yo trash-talkin' ass one these days!

by Carl Willis August 24, 2004