Definitions by Boo Radley Game
Freeways
A freeway is an awesome place to ride your time trial bike. It has awesome gameplay and sick features such as off ramps, trash, parked cars, and in ramps. Your job is to go fast and hard and enjoy the 60 mph company.
Coach Scott: Sophia where shall we take these young student triathletes?
Sophia: on the local freeways! I heard they are awesome places to ride!!
Scott: I agree. Idc if they are middle schoolers as long as they have a iPhone we are doing it.
Sophia: Awesome! I was thinking South Santa Fe bc it says "FREEWAY ENTERENCE" and looks fun as hell
Scott: on Jesus, we can take these 12 y/olds on Interstate 70 it's fun and perfect to go fast
Sophia: Even better 💨 !!
Sophia: on the local freeways! I heard they are awesome places to ride!!
Scott: I agree. Idc if they are middle schoolers as long as they have a iPhone we are doing it.
Sophia: Awesome! I was thinking South Santa Fe bc it says "FREEWAY ENTERENCE" and looks fun as hell
Scott: on Jesus, we can take these 12 y/olds on Interstate 70 it's fun and perfect to go fast
Sophia: Even better 💨 !!
Freeways by Boo Radley Game December 25, 2024
Bullhonkey Cover
A bullhonkey cover is a RidewithGPS privacy zone cover used by CDOT road bicycles to mask activity recorded on Mountain biking trails.
Sophie: Oh sh!t why am I on the C-470 trail instead of C-470? Stupid group ride! I guess I will use a bullhonkey cover to mask that embarassment up and stick to the shoulder from this fucking moment till the moment I die.
Bullhonkey Cover by Boo Radley Game December 11, 2024
Aspen Mayy
Aspen Mayy is a beautiful 14 year old devout christian girl (b. December 16, 2009) from Colorado who has long curly ginger hair. She was created by some board agents from the Colorado Department of Transportation artificially, so she has no parents. She stands at 6 foot 4 and weighs in at 110 lbs. Personality wise, she is shy and sweet as a person who uses autocapitalization on her smartphone and is an introvert. Aspen has a unique enjoyment of walking down highway shoulders barefoot and listening to music as she believes it is "meditating, relaxing, and calming and brings her closer to God" experience. She also reflects on her life while she mindlessly strolls down highways ranging from US285 to I-70. She usually wears loose fit rainbow t-shirts or sweaters and a pair of very short shorts. Her personality is very delicate and introverted, but she is very empathetic and always tries to find the good side of mean people.
Aspen Mayy walks down the shoulder of I-70 dressed in her usual attire: some ski goggles, a t-shirt, very short shorts, and she is barefoot. She enjoys the walk along while listening to music blurring out the indifferent drivers who merely slow down and create more space. As she walks, an angry man with a stolen pickup truck slows to confront her. This angry man is named Anthony Hardwick.
Anthony: gey you fat dumbass, stop walking down. the highway. u know cars go 8,000 mph i was speeding at 9,122 mph
Aspen: Hi.
Anthony: hi?? you are being a nuisance!! why are you barefoot also? who are your parents, lets call them
Aspen: Chill out. I am fine.
Anthony: you know, your breasts are tiny. what are you doing? pretending to be female? can I call you a he/him?
Aspen: That is so rude man. I don't have parents btw. Also that is a disgusting comment you made on me, creep.
Anthony: fine then, call 911 you should not be walking on I-70 ass-pin the loser
Aspen: Starts to cry but tries keeps her cool: Okay, I don't know why you are so bothered by what I do? You hurt my feelings!
Anthony: So what: *Starts to assault Aspen*
Aspen is powerless as her toes loose footing struggles on her back as Anthony beats Aspen. Rory nearby who happens to be bike riding on I-70 supports Aspen and calls "Oh Jamacanadian!"
Malcom Gladwell: HEY! GET OFF OF THAT GIRL ANTHONY YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR ASSAULTING A BEAUTIFUL MINOR!!!
Anthony: gey you fat dumbass, stop walking down. the highway. u know cars go 8,000 mph i was speeding at 9,122 mph
Aspen: Hi.
Anthony: hi?? you are being a nuisance!! why are you barefoot also? who are your parents, lets call them
Aspen: Chill out. I am fine.
Anthony: you know, your breasts are tiny. what are you doing? pretending to be female? can I call you a he/him?
Aspen: That is so rude man. I don't have parents btw. Also that is a disgusting comment you made on me, creep.
Anthony: fine then, call 911 you should not be walking on I-70 ass-pin the loser
Aspen: Starts to cry but tries keeps her cool: Okay, I don't know why you are so bothered by what I do? You hurt my feelings!
Anthony: So what: *Starts to assault Aspen*
Aspen is powerless as her toes loose footing struggles on her back as Anthony beats Aspen. Rory nearby who happens to be bike riding on I-70 supports Aspen and calls "Oh Jamacanadian!"
Malcom Gladwell: HEY! GET OFF OF THAT GIRL ANTHONY YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR ASSAULTING A BEAUTIFUL MINOR!!!
Aspen Mayy by Boo Radley Game November 28, 2024
Malcom Gladwell
The book-writing hero that sweeps in to arrest Anthony Hardwick. To spawn him just say "Oh, Jamaicanadian!"
Anthony: *touches a 6 year old girl's breasts*
6 year old: "Oh Jamaicanadian!"
Malcom Gladwell: Here I come! Youre under arrest anthony pedowick!
6 year old: Thank you soo much!
6 year old: "Oh Jamaicanadian!"
Malcom Gladwell: Here I come! Youre under arrest anthony pedowick!
6 year old: Thank you soo much!
Malcom Gladwell by Boo Radley Game November 24, 2024
Emerson Expressway
The Emerson McDonald Expressway is a 5.5 mile (9 km) North-South limited access road that runs along Mallori Spielmann Drive, also known as South Santa Fe Drive, CanAm Highway, or US Hwy 85. Being the third expressway on Mallori Spielmann drive (first being Anna Spielmann Expy (55mph) ) connecting castle rock with highlands ranch; second being Varsity Parkway, 50mph connecting highlands ranch and littleton) It is a 55 mph urban expressway that connects the cities of Denver (Florida Avenue; northern terminus) and Littleton (Littleton Avenue; southern terminus). Currently, pedestrians and most types of bicycles are banned from it, including Mountain bikes, Crusiers, BSOs, children, and fitness. It is only open to road bicycles, gravel bikes fitted with road tires (32mm maximum), track, and time trial bikes. It also functions as a toll road for city e-bikes (entire freeway costs $5.50 to use). The access is controlled at Belleview (Ashlyn Ave; SH88), Hampden (Trump Avenue; US-285) and Evans.
Sophia: Hey Anthony Hardwick, I thought of a great bike ride we could do! Since we both ride specialized tarmacs, let's go bomb Mallori Spielmann Drive. First we will zoom through the 55mph Anna Spielmann Expressway, its sooooo fun with very few lights, keep following it through Varsity Parkway, then get onto the controlled access Emerson Expressway, how does that sound?
Anthony: Are you fucking crazy? Sophia, these are HIGHWAYS FREEWAYS. BICYCLES CANNOT RIDE ON THEM THEY ARE FOR CARS ONLY. CARS GO 800 MPH ON THESE ROADS!!! GO SEEK THEREPY ASAP!!!!
Sophia: So.. Emerson Expressway has shoulders if you are really scared. If you are like me, we shall do it in the express lanes!!
Anthony: Are you out of your mind sophia? Those are EMERGENCY STOPPING LANES not lanes for you to ride your bicycle on!
Sophia: But the Emerson Expressway is a special road bike only road. we will do it or I will smack you hard in the nuts.
Anthony: NO! We are doing the Platte River Trail! I would rather fly past a 2 year old at 70 mph than a car going 800 mph over the speed limit to smack us!
Sophia: Okay coward do the stupid trail. I will ride the Emerson Expressway like it or not.
Anthony: Sophia. Lets put it this way. It's a toll road for cars. you have to PAY to use it.
Sophia: Bullshit. your "A" stands for ass, which is what you smell like. i already said ROAD BIKES LIKE THE TARMAC DO NOT HAVE TO PAY THE TOLL!!!
Anthony: Fine. Just remember "S" stands for Stupid and the "A" stands for Ass.
Anthony: Are you fucking crazy? Sophia, these are HIGHWAYS FREEWAYS. BICYCLES CANNOT RIDE ON THEM THEY ARE FOR CARS ONLY. CARS GO 800 MPH ON THESE ROADS!!! GO SEEK THEREPY ASAP!!!!
Sophia: So.. Emerson Expressway has shoulders if you are really scared. If you are like me, we shall do it in the express lanes!!
Anthony: Are you out of your mind sophia? Those are EMERGENCY STOPPING LANES not lanes for you to ride your bicycle on!
Sophia: But the Emerson Expressway is a special road bike only road. we will do it or I will smack you hard in the nuts.
Anthony: NO! We are doing the Platte River Trail! I would rather fly past a 2 year old at 70 mph than a car going 800 mph over the speed limit to smack us!
Sophia: Okay coward do the stupid trail. I will ride the Emerson Expressway like it or not.
Anthony: Sophia. Lets put it this way. It's a toll road for cars. you have to PAY to use it.
Sophia: Bullshit. your "A" stands for ass, which is what you smell like. i already said ROAD BIKES LIKE THE TARMAC DO NOT HAVE TO PAY THE TOLL!!!
Anthony: Fine. Just remember "S" stands for Stupid and the "A" stands for Ass.
Emerson Expressway by Boo Radley Game November 22, 2024
Trek Emonda SLR9
Coming Eqquiped with shitty shimano tourney 6 speed, 3x chainrings and a cheaply made carbon fiber frame that cocks in at a staggering 69 lbs. a type of BSO sold at Trek BSO Shop for $16,000. Also EXACTLY same bike could be bought at Dollar Tree for 69 cents.
Chapman: yo how's the Trek Emonda SLR9?
Koy: Oh that? that's a shitty BSO. I threw it away.
Chapman: why?
Koy: oh the usual from treks "road" bike lineup, bad shifting performance and its heavier than my Specialized globe HZ.
Chapman: yk where to get trek emondas right?
Koy: $5,000 for shimano tourney 6 speed, gotta suck
Chapman: ikr. I got Trek's Trek Madone "SLR"7, it was so uncomfertable, heavy, and snapped in half as soon as I sat on it. They said it came with Ultegra "Di2" but that's marketing. it came with cheap shitty sram 6 speed components made from cheap chinese plastic.
Koy: Sram? that's shit.
Chapman: on god koy.
Koy: you know what else? The frame is actually made from cheap chinese plastic.
Chapman: Trek always makes their bike frames and wheels from cheap plastic. know where trek bikes could also be bought?
Koy: Applewold county jail landfill.
Chapman: Exactly.
Koy: I somehow wasted $5,000 💀
Chapman: dw I got a Trek Domane SLR for $13,000 and it fell apart in a matter of seconds.
Koy: Oh that? that's a shitty BSO. I threw it away.
Chapman: why?
Koy: oh the usual from treks "road" bike lineup, bad shifting performance and its heavier than my Specialized globe HZ.
Chapman: yk where to get trek emondas right?
Koy: $5,000 for shimano tourney 6 speed, gotta suck
Chapman: ikr. I got Trek's Trek Madone "SLR"7, it was so uncomfertable, heavy, and snapped in half as soon as I sat on it. They said it came with Ultegra "Di2" but that's marketing. it came with cheap shitty sram 6 speed components made from cheap chinese plastic.
Koy: Sram? that's shit.
Chapman: on god koy.
Koy: you know what else? The frame is actually made from cheap chinese plastic.
Chapman: Trek always makes their bike frames and wheels from cheap plastic. know where trek bikes could also be bought?
Koy: Applewold county jail landfill.
Chapman: Exactly.
Koy: I somehow wasted $5,000 💀
Chapman: dw I got a Trek Domane SLR for $13,000 and it fell apart in a matter of seconds.
Trek Emonda SLR9 by Boo Radley Game November 22, 2023
Marin Kitagawa
Disclaimer: This is a FUCKING JOKE:
Also known as Anna Kitagawa, she is the one and only 2014 Trek Madone SLR 7 Gen 7. Ultegra Di2 with ultra aero frameset and deep section elementnumbersix wheels, she is Extremely Aerodynamic and lovable Aero MTB. Coming in 420mm drop bars with zero flare, 23mm tires, full suspension from FOX Factory (0mm front and back), and mechanical rim brakes, she makes the perfect bike for that local downhill MTB trail, best of all she is from the best off road cycling plant, Trek Road Bicycles.
Also known as Anna Kitagawa, she is the one and only 2014 Trek Madone SLR 7 Gen 7. Ultegra Di2 with ultra aero frameset and deep section elementnumbersix wheels, she is Extremely Aerodynamic and lovable Aero MTB. Coming in 420mm drop bars with zero flare, 23mm tires, full suspension from FOX Factory (0mm front and back), and mechanical rim brakes, she makes the perfect bike for that local downhill MTB trail, best of all she is from the best off road cycling plant, Trek Road Bicycles.
NRML MTBer: now Trek, seems like you dont produce MTBs
Trek: we got Marin Kitagawa, a aerodynamic...
NRML MTBer interupts: nah, cool MTB. alr, lets shread that black diamond trail, Marin!
Marin: bruh, i am a roadbike.
NRML: nah, dosn't matter.
after the ride
NRML: owwwwwch my ass bro.
Trek Bike Staff: told you.
Trek: we got Marin Kitagawa, a aerodynamic...
NRML MTBer interupts: nah, cool MTB. alr, lets shread that black diamond trail, Marin!
Marin: bruh, i am a roadbike.
NRML: nah, dosn't matter.
after the ride
NRML: owwwwwch my ass bro.
Trek Bike Staff: told you.
Marin Kitagawa by Boo Radley Game November 15, 2023